1. Chinese Culture and Psychopathology 中華文化与心理病態學
Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D.
黃偉康博士
Licensed Clinical Psychologist ChristianMentalHealth.com
ACTS: Associated Canadian Theological Schools, Trinity Western University, Langley, British Columbia, Canada
April 30 - May 4, 2001
Purpose
To Understand the correlations between culture and the common psychological disorders that are manifested in immigrant, Chinese-Christian Ministries.
(1-hour general session)
© Melvin Wong, Ph.D.
Goals
1. To bring about awareness of Christian leaders & missionaries in cross-cultural work, noting the strengths and the pitfalls of Chinese-Americans culture to reduce problems with interpersonal relationships in ministry to further the Lord’s kingdom.
2. For lay-leaders and pastors to know how to address the inherent problems arising out of culture with Chinese-American ethnic churches in North America.
3. To equip and increase the cultural competency of counselors.
Contents
1. An introduction to the specific psychological problems that Chinese immigrants face in America.
2. Husband and Wife Relationships: The Disorders involved with romantic relationships in Chinese families pre-maritally and post-maritally will be included.
3. Shame and guilt are some primary emotions most people have. How do these become the basic causes of codependency and dysfunctions in Chinese immigrants?
4. Specific Disorders of the Chinese families will be discussed including:
Common Female Disorders
Common Male Disorders
Common Parent-Child Disorders
5. Some recommended treatment strategies will be used to conclude this seminar.

2. David Chow Mark Vegh Melvin Wong
Pablee Wong Gayle MacNab Rosamond Chan Loretta Luk Teresa Leung Vera Ma Alice Yu
Chinese Canadian Culture and Psychopathology (Class of 2001)

3. Course Description
This is a two unit graduate introductory course in the relationship between Chinese culture and psychopathology
It is designed to help mental health professionals and ministry leaders in discerning the counseling needs of a client, patient or a congregation member
Students will be expected to know the strengths and pitfalls of the Chinese culture in helping someone with a family problems or a disorder. The pastor will know when to make a referral

4. Paper 2: A Theoretical Study-presentation
Course Requirements
Each student is expected to complete either one of the following two paper assignments
Paper 1: A Case Study or
Paper 2: A Theoretical Study-presentation

5. Paper 1: A Case Study
Paper 1: A case study of the impact of culture on one aspect of a psychological symptom (of a person; a client, a congregation member or family member).
Students are required to present a study of an individual (someone that you have counseled, someone that you know as a friend or relative) will suffice.
Give an introduction, a family history with a genogram, a description of the one-symptom that marks the pathology, a formulation of the cultural correlation and some suggestion for a brief treatment recommendation.

6. (No differential diagnosis is required.)
Paper 1: A Case Study
(No differential diagnosis is required.)
A BRIEF written (not more than 10 pages) summary is to be presented to the office by June 18, 2001 (deliver to Mary West). Do not give paper to the instructor.
While paper presentation in class on Friday is not required, extra credit could be earned and students are encouraged to sign-up (by indicating to the instructor) to make their presentations

7. Paper 2: A theoretical study-presentation
Paper 2: A theoretical study-presentation of the impact of Chinese culture on psychopathology as manifested in the clinical population (or church-based communities): The Intervention recommendations:
Students are required to present a more detailed theoretical study of the effects of the influence (subtle or obvious) on the development of psychological disorders, depending on the work environments of a student, such as a clinician or a minister.

8. Paper 2: A theoretical study-presentation
This paper is intended to facilitate the understanding of the student in formulating a prevention response towards a wellness approach in their line of work.
A BRIEF written (not more than 10 pages) summary is to be presented to the office by June 18, 2001 (deliver to Mary West). Do not give paper to the instructor.
While paper presentation in class on Friday is not required, extra credit could be earned and students are encouraged to sign-up (by indicating to the instructor) to make their presentations

9. Class Time 08:30 to 10:00 AM Instruction session 1
10:00 to 10:10 AM Break
10:10 to 11:15 AM Instruction session 2
11:15 to 11:25 AM Break
11:25 to 12:30 PM Instruction session 3

17. River Culture

18. Chinese is a “River Culture”
Fate of survival depends “nature’s ways”
Need for rain, sunshine, no flood, no pests
Communities are important for survival
During harvest time, floods and famines
Harmony is important for survival
Smooth interpersonal relationships facilitates work
Non-aggressive (contrast with “Island Cultures”)
Dependence on nature and conditions for crops
Position of village-house critical to survival

19. River Culture and Customs

20. Water Management & Chinese Culture

21. Chinese Cosmology: Triadic Forces Balance: Relationship-Emotions
Goal in life is to master the eternal balance of the three relationships between heaven, earth & men.
Heaven-Earth-Person: Relationship & Love Based
There is a God in Heaven: Sense of Justice & Fairness
Parent-Child: Love analogous to heavenly love
Ethnocentrism (Sinocentrism):

22. Chinese Pictograph 狂
The “animal inside” becomes “king” (taking over our self-control and made us do “crazy” “wild” and irrational things)

23. China: The Central Kingdom中 國

24. Chinese Cosmology: Triadic Forces Balance: Relationship-Emotions
Goal in life is to master the eternal balance of the three relationships between heaven, earth & men.
Heaven-Earth-Person: Relationship & Love Based
There is a God in Heaven: Sense of Justice & Fairness
Parent-Child: Love analogous to heavenly love
Ethnocentrism (Sinocentrism): “foreign devils.” Frame of reference: Idiosyncratic

25. Chinese Cosmology: Triadic Forces Balance: Relationship-Emotions
Goal in life is to master the eternal balance of the three relationships between heaven, earth & men.
Heaven-Earth-Person: Relationship & Love Based
There is a God in Heaven: Sense of Justice & Fairness
Parent-Child: Love analogous to heavenly love
Ethnocentrism (Sinocentrism): “foreign devils.” Frame of reference: Idiosyncratic
Familial-centrism: Family isolation & self-sufficiency

26. Chinese Cosmology: Triadic Forces Balance: Relationship-Emotions
Goal in life is to master the eternal balance of the three relationships between heaven, earth & men.
Heaven-Earth-Person: Relationship & Love Based
There is a God in Heaven: Sense of Justice & Fairness
Parent-Child: Love analogous to heavenly love
Ethnocentrism (Sinocentrism): “foreign devils.” Frame of reference: Idiosyncratic
Familial-centrism: Family isolation & self-sufficiency
At the expense of women: Martyrdom, sacrifice.

27. Chinese Cosmology: Triadic Forces Balance: Relationship-Emotions
Goal in life is to master the eternal balance of the three relationships between heaven, earth & men.
Heaven-Earth-Person: Relationship & Love Based
There is a God in Heaven: Sense of Justice & Fairness
Parent-Child: Love analogous to heavenly love
Ethnocentrism (Sinocentrism): “foreign devils.” Frame of reference: Idiosyncratic
Familial-centrism: Family isolation & self-sufficiency
At the expense of women: Martyrdom, sacrifice.
“Us-against-them” mentality: a win-lose paradigm.

28. The Triadic Balance (三和) of Relationships and Emotion
Heaven-Earth-Person: Relationship & Love Based
天 地 有 情
There is a God in Heaven: Sense of Justice & Fairness
舉 頭 三 尺 有 神 靈
Parent-Child: Love analogous to heavenly love
孝 感 動 天
Openness & Acceptance of Errors
人 誰 無 過

29. Fundamental Cultural Concepts
Relationships of 3-Dynamic-Forces (三勢)
Heaven, Earth & Person: 天地人
Life goal: Master the balance of the three Powers
天地人:天時,地利,人和 (三和)
Do not upset the spiritual balance in the relationships of these Triadic Forces (三和)
Physical (Geomantrics) Feng-Shui (風 水)
Integrate People with nature & ergonomics
(Yin-Yan) Spiritual Balance (陰 陽 變 數)

30. What is Asian-Canadian culture?
Asian-Canadian (Asian: Ethnic Chinese) is an extremely diversed group of Asians ethnically from all over Asian with different cultural, religious, economic and political backgrounds. Koreans, Japanese, Chinese, Taiwanese, South-East Asians (Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, Burma, Thai, Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia)
As diversed as we are: There are common threads: Rice, Chop-sticks, Family Values, Education, Arts, with diversed ethnic subcultures

31. Asian-Canadian Cultural Understanding
Life is a stage: Role-play 人生如舞台
Being a Person: 做人=做戲
Life is about On-stage, Off-stage: 上台,下台
In an interpersonal shameful situation, it is known as “hard to get off stage” 難下台
To help, provide a graceful exit: 下台階
Detested Characters (animal-temperament)
Human-faced, Animal hearted 人面獸心
Wild-animal put in a man’s dress 衣冠禽獸

32. Asian-American Cultural Understanding
Filial Piety (most favored virtue): Education 老子,孝順,老子文=教
Favors sons over daughters:重男輕女
子承父業
女子無才便是德
Conformity & Self-Denial:克己服禮為仁
Gentlemen vs. the Conceited:小人君子

33. Day Two

34. Patterns of Immigration
Bachelor laborer
Laborer and his village (mail order) bride
Children of laborer and village bride
Bright scholar from big cities at ivy league
Foreign students who stayed
Pre-post 1997 political refugees
Bosses and professional
Children of Shanghainese elites: ivy league

35. Asian-American Culture & Philosophies (* Local-Domestic Origins)
*Confucianism 儒
Buddhism 釋
*Taoism 道
Western-Christianity 耶
*Self-Material-Pragmatism 錢

36. Buddhism An Indian prince’s response to human pain
Prince lived a life of pleasure within palace gate
Noticed pain of peasants when outside gate
Pondered about the sad human condition
Personal guilt of pleasure that was for granted
Social sufferings: Birth, aging, illness, death
Bad things happen to you because you have done something wrong: “Karma”
Death: Reincarnation: Good deeds

37. Tenets: Longevity, Transcend to Become a god
Chinese Sexual Beliefs (Role of Women) (Adapted from Christian Ethics: Principles and Applications, Dr. Ping-Cheung Lo, Hong Kong Baptist University ‘92)
Taoism
Tenets: Longevity, Transcend to Become a god
Methods: Diet, Qigong, Meditation
By Practicing Special Sexual Techniques
“Take from Yin to Compensate Yan”
Virgins & Women used as means to an end to benefit the Men’s desire to have longevity
“Return Sperm to Compensate Brain”
Sex to benefit Men’s desire for longevity & stamina

38. Day Three

40. Day Three

43. The Five-Hierarchical Harmonious Relationships (The Five-Orders “Wu Lun”) 五倫 Copyright (C) Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D

44. Order 1: The King and his Subjects
君要臣死,臣不死,不忠也
If the king decrees death to his subject, if he doesn’t kill himself; it is not loyalty
Authoritarianism: Do as the king says, obey
Reinforces dependency: “Emperor's new clothes”
Hypocrisy: “Public self vs. Private self” “Self-identity”
Externalized locus of control: Reduced personal responsibility
The all-powerful king: analogous with god
Deified king: Idolized-worshipped the king

45. Day Four

46. Order 2: Father and Son 父要子亡, 子不亡, 不孝也
If father wants his son to die, if he doesn’t kill himself; it is not filial piety
Fatherhood equals Kingdom government
Generalized authority to the elderly: Wisdom
Authoritarianism: Do as the father says, obey
Reinforces dependency: “Must please father”
Externalized locus of control: Reduced personal responsibility

47. Filial Piety
Resulting virtue of a harmonious relationship between father and child is Filial Piety
First-born son is most valued: first-born son is the first child that can carry on the family lineage
Fathers have unquestioned authority over their children
have the right to the lives of their children
The reasoning is that, “They are my own.”
This virtue gave rise to patriarchy and nepotism
Ancestor-worship (Idolization of ancestors)
Complex of respect and fear for the deceased

48. Reciprocity-Entitlement-Empathy
Reciprocity (Family Culture Demands It)
Duty > Personal Desire = Sacrifice; Payback
Trauma Re-Enactment of Mother-In-Laws
Entitlement (Takes It For Granted)
Do It, Give It, Or Else! (Shame-Guilt-Injury)
Empathy (Lack of) “Form > Will”
Do It-Perform It-You Don’t Have to Like It
My Way > Your Needs (Self > Others)

49. Order 3: Older brother and younger brother
兄弟如手足
Brothers (older and younger) are like hands and feet
(they are irreplaceable, blood is thicker than water)
Older-brother in command during father’s absence
Facilitates family operations: Internally-externally
Authoritarianism: Do as the brother says, obey
Reinforces dependency: “Must please brother”
Externalized locus of control: Reduced personal responsibility

50. Order 4: Husband and Wife
夫妻如衣服
Relationships between husband and wife is similar to clothing (change them at will)
Women’s identity begins after marriage
三從: 在家從父 出嫁從夫 老來從子
Authoritarianism: Do as the husband says, obey
Reinforces dependency: “Husband-pleasing”
Externalized locus of control: Reduced personal responsibility
Faithfulness in marriage: Wife must be chaste

51. Husband and Wife Relationships
Women suffer and sacrifice silently
She becomes a martyr-sacrificial lamb of the dysfunctional family & inflicts the same pain upon her daughter and in-laws
She copes by Denial and Resignation: “fate”
Poor husband-Wife relationship is the norm
Extra-marital affairs, Informal Mistresses, Concubines, Polygamy

52. Seven Facets of Chinese Face Work After Bond and Hwang “Six types of face work“ © Melvin W.Wong, Ph.D.2001
Level
Description
Manifestation
Chinese pinyin 1
Enhancing your own face
Etiquette consciousness
yao mianzi 2
Enhancing other’s face
Reciprocity
gei mianzi 3
Losing your own face
Shame, humiliation
diao mianzi 4
Hurting other’s face
Retaliation for shame felt
shang mianzi 5
Saving your own face
Avoid shame, be proper
baocun mianzi 6
Saving other’s face
No criticism, give apology
mian mian qu yuan 7
Tearing your own face
Relationship destroyed
mou mian

53. Biblical Order of Relationships “The New Five-Orders” 新五倫 Copyright © Melvin W.Wong, Ph.D. 1999-2001
Christ the King and His Children (Isaiah 9:6-7)
Love and Sacrifice
Father and Mother (Exodus 20:12)
Love and Honor (Leave, Cleave becoming one flesh)
Husband and Wife (Ephesians 5:21-25 )
Love and Commitment
Parents and Children (Ephesians 6:1-2 )
Love and Acceptance
Fellowship of Believers, Friend-Foe (1 John 4:11-12 )
One another love, Hospitality & Forgiveness (Mat 22:39)

54. Day Five

55. Guilt True guilt: Biblical guidelines & mandates
Absolute: Objective (conscience)
False guilt: Imposed family-social values
Subject to change: Subjective (conscience)
Overly-harsh conscience vs. “relaxed” conscience
Over-control vs. Under control
Compulsives vs. Psychopaths
Perfectionists vs. Anti-social narcissists

56. Effects of Migration on Psychopathology
Social up-rooting, destruction of network
Increases isolation and loneliness
Timing is when support is needed the most
Pre-mid-life crisis: May hasten crisis: Divorce
Migration requires personal adjustment
Polarize the gap between the well and the sick
Increases coping demands: Breaking point?
Exacerbates pre-existing marital problems
Exacerbates pre-existing parent-child issues

57. Effects of Migration on Psychopathology
Men’s adjustment problem of ego & identity
Underemployment causing self-doubt, prestige
Women’s new found freedom & power
Threatens “unhealthy balance” of marriage
Intergenerational conflicts of values
Role-reversal: English proficiency = Power
First-born daughter controls the family
First-born daugther made to doubt self-worth
Ensure the authority of parents (mother)

58. Codependency
Love is Possessiveness: Suffocating, Controlling, Secrets, Feel-as-I say, Ego- Enmeshment-ID, Materials = Happiness.
Love loss: Separation trauma, Life’s threatened, Individual-Family-Destructiveness, Filicide
Poor Communication Skill “Cross-Talk; Over-Talk; Cover-Talk”
Poor Limits, Intrusive Boundaries, Violations
Gratefulness

59. Origin of shame The lack of a personal identify: Who am I?
External vs. Internal shame mechanisms
Parents against their children: Name calling
Children’s cruelty against their peers: Name calling
Personal handicaps: “Imperfections”
Compares & Contrasts: Athletes, models & stars
Physical features: Aging, race, skin color
Need for acceptance & “measuring-up”

60. Shame & Blame Projection is a defense against shame: anxiety
Blame is externalizing of an internal conflict
The person does not take ownership for shame
“It is easier that shame is on you & not on me”
“I will be a no body when I am not perfect”
“I am not worthy, to be rejected when I am wrong’
This is a homeostatic approach to balance anxiety
There is little introspection: No learning-maturity
Self-Defeating, tragic outcomes: Hiding Secrets

61. Boundary & Limits Fuzzy Psychological Boundaries
Physical-Personal Boundaries aids Efficiency
MTR, Queues, Zebra Lines
Fuzzy Psychological Boundaries
Dire need to stay connected-complete identity
Fusion of identity: Security Based
Needs For Vicarious Meaning through your life
Intrusiveness Invasiveness Lack of privacy
Power Play: Omnipotence

62. Guilt
Sigmund Freud & others (1930, 1961) saw guilt as the more worthy emotion
A realistic & growth-facilitating emotional response to wrong-doing (deals with doing)
Resulting from transgression against the superego
Is central to the conflict theory of analysis
Results from more advanced Oedipal conflicts
Results in doing-performance: Recompensation

63. Christianity Prominent only in intellectual circles only
Common values among repatriates from the West: USA, Canada, Australia and the UK
Not common among blue-collar or laborers
Personal responsibility
Long-term investment
Moral restraints based on Biblical laws

64. Christianity Philosophy of Forgiveness, Repentance & Redemption
Provision for correcting wrongs through confessions & forgiveness: Repairing relationships. Building trust & genuiness
Self-Reflection, Introspection possible
Suffering & pains are real and to be faced
Win-Win Paradigm

65. Self-Material-Pragmatism
Winning & Success Driven (Greed): Can’t Fail
Practical Measurements (Concrete Materialistic)
Whoever has the most toys wins
Symbols of prosperity and achievement
Risks Takers: Short-Term focused
Personal aggrandizement: Narcissistic bend
There is no Moral Restraints: Self-focused
Individualist-Hedonistic: Post-Modernist

66. Diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood
(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

67. Diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder
(4)requires excessive admiration
(5)has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
(6)is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
(7)lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
(8)is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
(9)shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

68. Common Female Disorders
Somatization Disorder (Neurasthenia)
Anxiety-Repression:
Socially acceptable disorder: Concrete Vs. Abstract
Hysteric-Borderline Personality Disorder
Features Vs. Full-Blown Disorder
Object Relation Type of Disorders: Trust Issues
Attachment Deficits: Trust Issues
Attention Deficits: Narcissistic, Expansiveness

69. Common Male Disorders Anxiety Related Disorders
Conforming (Over-Control) Disorders
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Control-Mastery Issues (Compensational)
The Perfectionistic-Intellectualization Disorder
Trauma Response Syndrome
Shame-based cycle adjustment constellation
Workaholism vs. Pathological Gambling

70. Common Male Disorders Attachment Deficits Disorders: Trust Issues
Impulse (Under-Control) Antisocial Disorders
Intermittent Explosive Disorders: Profanities
Family violence: Physical and Verbal
Subtle Impulse Dyscontrol Symptoms: Lying, Porn
Attachment Deficits Disorders: Trust Issues
Poor relationship with males (Father-Son)
Lacks meaningful & intimate male friendships
Friendship themes are rivalry-based (Win-Lose)

71. Common Marital Disorders
Angry Husband - Depressed-Hurt Wife
Angry Wife - Withdrawn Husband
Avoidance of Emotional Involvements
Focus on the Concrete, Practical issues
Over-Rationalization, Over-Intellectualization
Judgment Passing: Reason, Right or Wrong
Rigid Structure, Non-Cohesive: Stress prone

72. Common Parent-Child Disorders
(Father)-Man Haters (Misogynist)
First-born son’s grudge against father
Daughter mistrusts, despises father
No relational conversations
No-win situations
(Mother)-Woman Haters (Misandry)
First-born son’s grudge against mother for being too involved with his life

73. Specific Disorders Impulse Related disorders
Rage and Destructive potential of Asian males
Workaholism-Gambling (Winners ethics)
Codependency Related Disorders
Emotional dependency of the Asian females
Physical Punishment
Family Secrets. Involuted No-Win Family Loyalties
Roles of martyr, rescuer, mascot, clown

74. Culture & Parenting Skills
The Developmental Perspective
Parenting-Child rearing practices affect the personality of the child
Parenting Skills are “Hand-Me-Down” beliefs that parents do not question until much later in life
The First-born Child: The First Experiment

75. Culture & Parenting Skills
Beliefs or Myths about Children affect Discipline
Attachment Conflicts: Over-dependency Issues of Child upon care-givers
Mother-daughter conflicts
Father-son conflicts: Physical abuse

76. Culture & Parenting Skills
Other-Centered: What will they say about me as a mother?
Unquestioned Obedience is expected
Shame based: Get at the Self-Image-Esteem
Fear-Dread: Anxiety provoking
Pain-Hurt: Inflicting pain to oppress child
Divisiveness-Splitting: Sibling Rivalry

77. Historic-Social-Psychological Perspective: Hong Kong Refugee
Refugee Mentality: “Survival for the fittest”
Don’t Mind My Rudeness: Show must go on
Must Make it “Big”: At all costs & sacrifice
Raise Perfect Children: “All for the love of you”
Education is the End: “Compensates my ego”
Colonist vs Colonized: Identifying with aggressor
Trauma Bonding, Trauma Re-Enactment

78. The Narcissistic Individualist in Disguise
When My face is torn, anything goes
You Will never see me so cruel (words & deeds)
What do people do in the dark? When no one’s watching?
“Strong Family Tie” vs “Self-aggrandizing”
Empathy Void: If any primitive vestiges exists

79. Games Chinese Play
Everything Must Go My Way (Or I would be devastated). Even If you don’t like me, please pretend, I will pay.
When I Go to Shenzhen, My Problems will go away.
Hypocrisy: “Do as I say vs Do as I Do”
Haggling For a Bargain: Leave! Beg! Friendship!
Sexual Relationships: “No is Yes” Babel
“I Emigrate and sacrifice all for you”

80. Boundary & Limits Fuzzy Psychological Boundaries
Physical-Personal Boundaries aids Efficiency
MTR, Queues, Zebra Lines
Fuzzy Psychological Boundaries
Dire need to stay connected-complete identity
Fusion of identity: Security Based
Needs For Vicarious Meaning through your life
Intrusiveness Invasiveness Lack of privacy
Power Play: Omnipotence

81. Sibling rivalry over inheritance & business
Family ¼Ò×å¹ÛÄî
Familial-Centrism ¼Ò×åÖ÷Òå
Family Isolation ¸÷¼Ò×ÔÃÅÇ°Ñ©, ĪÀíËûÈËÍßÉÏ˪
Lack of Community Care, Community Indifference: Public spitting, littering, poor public sanitary facilities.
Family heritage & creed (family policy: Obey): ¼Ò½Ì
Specific positions ¹Ãĸ, ¹ÃÂè, ¹Ã½ã, ¹ÃÕÉ, ÒÌÂè, ÒÌÕÉ
Perpetual in-law rivalry: Ç×¼Ò±äÔ©¼Ò
Business “one-man bands” Nepotism ×ӳи¸Òµ
Sibling rivalry over inheritance & business

82. Husband and Wife Relationships ·òÆÞ¹Øϵø
Husband-wife relationship is only the third of the 5-cardinal orders. Where women’s role first appears
Father-son, Older-Brother Younger-Brother relationship more important than husband-wife ÐÖµÜÈçÊÖ×ã ·òÆÞÈçÒ·þ
Wife expected to sacrifice herself to maintain a happy family balance (Eating Bitterness)
³Ô¿à ³ÔµÃ¿àÖп෽ΪÈËÉÏÈË
Perpetual tension and strife between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws

83. Husband and Wife Relationships ·òÆÞ¹Øϵø
Women suffer and sacrifice silently ÎþÉüСÎÒÍê³É´óÎÒ
She becomes a martyr of the dysfunctional family & inflicts the same pain upon her daughter-in-laws. Թż Cope-Denial ÈÌ
Poor husband-Wife relationship is the norm
Extra-marital affairs, Informal Mistresses, Concubines, Polygamy ÍâÓö СÀÏÆÅ ¶þÄÌ

84. Gender-Bias (devaluation of Women) ÖØÄÐÇáÅ®
Women’s Identity: only part of relationship with a husband
Wives to discharge duty to husband: Give birth to sons
Worth and identity of wives are threatened when the first-born is not a son.
Daughters become the big let-down of mothers
Blame first-born daughters for their misfortunes
Superstitious beliefs are at work: Bad-luck-daughter
A virtue for a girl to have no scholarly achievements Å®×ÓÎ޲űãÊǵ ×ÓÔ» ΨŮ×ÓÓëСÈË ÎªÄÑÑøÒ²

85. Dependent Identity of Women
Dependency vs. Independency Tasks
Seasons of Dependency
Developmental Dependency of Women
Three stages of Identity formation 三從
Depends on parents when young 在家從父
Depends on husband when married出嫁從夫
Depends on son when old老來從子

86. First-Born-Daughter Complex ³¤Å®Çé½á( ñ±)
Precipitating factors: Belief values males over females & the mother’s increased worth on having a first-born son (ÖØÄÐÇáÅ®,ĸƾ×Ó¹ó )
FBD Mothers are usually FBD’s themselves (rejection, abandonment)
Enmeshment, Projection of their fears & insecurities ontoFBD’s.
Role-reversal:They are their mother’s confidant & counselor.
Lack a childhood: FBD’s siblings’ surrogate mother & care-giver.
Gross experience of splitting, abandonment: Perfectionism, B/W.
Shame, divisiveness, splitting, favoritism, nepotism and fear of separation and dread are commonalities in their upbringing.
Lower functioning FBD’s: Suffered multiple interpersonal traumas, losses and rejections. Full borderline personality disorder. Reduced impulse control, running away from home, chronic suicidal ideations. Self-mutilations and suicide attempts.
Disappointed & betrayed by their fathers and unfairness with brothers. They have been emotionally and physically abused.
FBD’s:Organized & “capable.” Hyper-sensitive to fairness, justice.

87. Shame & Guilt ³ÜÈè¸Ð ×ï¾Î¸Ð
Li Àñ ÓÐÀñ ÎÞÀñ ʧÀñShame-Social Guilt-Familial
Social Rituals, Protocols, Ceremony, Etiquette ÀñÒÇ Àñ½Ì
Four National Virtues 禮 義 廉 恥 國 四 圍
知 恥 近 勇
Knowing shame is the beginning of courage
Knowing shame is almost the same as courage
Knowing shame is as close as having courage

88. Codependency ÒÀÀµµÄ°® ¼ÄÉúµÄ°®
No western concept of autonomic and interdependent love.
People: Asset of China, a key of the 5-cardinal relationships, people become + , - reinforcers of behaviors.
Older mothers like their children to be with them. It is not what they do but who is with them & how many.
Mother’s respect and honor depends on the presence of children’s as symbol of paying respect and honor.
In-law problems are standard struggles in this codependence family dynamic. Faking compliance is common to please.

89. Codependency ÒÀÀµµÄ°® ¼ÄÉúµÄ°®
Love is Possessiveness: Suffocating, Controlling, Secrets, Feel-as-I say, Ego- Enmeshment-ID, Materials = Happiness.
Love loss: Separation trauma, Life’s threatened, Individual-Family-Destructiveness
Poor Communication Skill “Cross-Talk; Over-Talk; Cover-Talk” ÓÐÎÒ½²ÎÞÄã½² ¼¦Í¬Ñ¼½²
Poor Limits, Intrusive Boundaries, Violations
Gratefulness ÎÞ±¾ÐÄ Òûˮ˼ԭ

90. Anger & Rage Å­·ß ·³ÑáԹŭ·ßºÞÔ÷±É³ð Ô©Çü
Dependency & anger are 2 prominent features
Anger is not an acceptable feeling, happiness is.
Weakness to cry, suppression is norm ÎÞÃû»ðÆðÈýǧÕÉ
Anger when express is usually passive
Manifestations of Ragefulness is common
Child-abuse “Discipline”
Family Violence “Family Discipline”
Dominance & PredationÔ©Í÷, Ô©Çü, Ô©Äõ, Ô¹ºÞ,Çü

91. Self-Identity Development/Personhood Éí·Ý
Self not a key concept in the Asian-American’s personality development. Not only is the self is de-emphasized, it carries a negative connotation.
The self is to be denied to meet the social mores of the elders. ¿Ë¼º·þÀñΪÈÊ,
Self-Denial is first of 4 cardinal virtues ÈÊÒåµÀµÂ
Personal identity is derived out of relationship, usually a part of family order or social status.
Social identity is extremely important: Ãû·ÝExtreme shame when salutation is improper.

92. Confucianism: The Drawbacks
Professor Fu Wei-Feng, UC San Diego
94-Nov-14 Harvard Divinity School
Community relation is not emphasized or developed. Focused too much on the individuals & family 各 家 自 掃 門 前 雪
Lacks social responsibilities
Not critical enough of negative characteristics of men 人 初 性 本 善

93. Common Family Disorders
“Give-Face” “Save-Face”: Overly Concrete
Codependency
Over-Dependency
Sons are favored financially & overly protected
Daughters are overly-protected
Over-Protectiveness: Children controlled
Under-Protectiveness: Children neglected

94. China’s Boy Bias
China’s 1979 “One-Child” Policy to slow population growth: Resources Management vs. management of people
Most Chinese families concur “If they can only have 1 child, it’s better to have a boy.”
Jan 96: 1.7M fewer female babies on birth records yearly compared with worldwide rates.
by 2000: Surplus of 70M single men in China.
Boys are investment in the future, prestige, genealogy. care for aging parents.
A nation of adult but immature “Little Emperors” (Brats)

95. Male Bias’ Impact on Women
Women are attaining more value in China, but as commodities than human beings; the New Trade:
Kidnapping and Trading women for marriage
Trade, Prostitution
More serious in the rural areas
Monica Das Gupta, Harvard University (Weiss, Washington Post)
1 Mil + girls “Lost”: Selective Abortion 81-91
4 Mil “Disappeared” During first 4-6 yr of life
“Selective abortion is not substituting for female infanticide, but supplement it”

96. Treatment Considerations
Match Client - Therapist Expectations
Must be Concrete-Practical to the Clients
Just attentive listening is not enough
Advise-giving is often expected(Concreteness!)
Focus on Short-Term, Achievable Goals
Clarify expectations at mid-point to avoid disappointments later & unrealistic goals
Therapist Self-Disclosure expected

97. Culture & Treatment Revisited
Bridge Culture & Psychology by dialogues
Involvement of cultural factor into parenting practices to prevent rebelliousness of teens
“Experts” Provide training of a variety of parenting skills based on the psychological principles that are compatible with culture

98. Short-term Pastoral Intervention
Establish Realities of Pain & Suffering
Believe the Person with Pain: Victim?
Develop Empathy: “Beyond my own Pain”
Pain-Pleasure Polarity: “Recalibration”
Acknowledge Hopelessness & Helplessness
Prayers and Visitation: Accountability
Encourage Networking with Cell Groups
Prevent Drop-out: Reduce Shame

99. Long-term Professional Counseling
After the Crisis has Resolved but Conflicts continue: Frequency & Intensity
Physical-Sexual Intimacy is reduced/absent
When “The Affair” stays (mental-physical)
Personality Disorders are Characteristics
Depression & Anxiety are Serious
Suicide Prevention, Medication Management
“Problem Child” Issue that persists

100. How to Make a Referral. ChristianMentalHealth
How to Make a Referral? ChristianMentalHealth.com
Thoughtfulness makes Referral Succeed
“You are too messed up so I can’t help you”
Problem is Chronic & You Ran out of Solutions
After the Referral: Your Care Continues
How did the week go?
Counseling Helpful? Learned Anything?
Establish Link with Professional

101. Working with a Professional
Issue of Confidentiality: Trust & Disclosure
Issue of Fees: “Worth & the market place”
Issue of Dual-Relationships: Destructive
List of Three Names: What is “Christian”?
Expect Doctor shopping & Blaming
Making a Very Good Match:
Similarities: Spiritual-Cultural-Language
Gender-Matching: Case-by-Case