2 Who me?We all experience conflict every day, with family or friends; co- workers or customersSince conflict will occur, what is important is how we understand, resolve and learn from itA conflict is not a battle, there does not have to be a loserThere are techniques than can be used to work through a conflict successfully so everyone is a winnerFocus must remain on personal safety and professionalism
3 Why Conflict Resolution Training? To;Understand the affect conflict has on youRecognise when it is appropriate to communicate with an angry person using a range of techniquesUnderstand how to diffuse negative encounters and make a positive out of a negativeLearn how to speak with others about uncomfortable or potentially “hot topics” and maintain a professional approachUnderstand the motivators to violence and understand how and why colleagues become angryRecognise when it is no longer safe to communicate and the only safe response is to walk away
4 Mirror Mirror…On the wall… People are mirrors Our response to others is often dictatedby how they approach us.To flip that on it’s head…think about;How do you approach others?Do you respect other people’s opinions?What makes you angry?What are the warning signs of your anger?What do you do… do you walk away or do you take a moment or do you explain that you need to continue the discussion later, or do you agree with the other person and “give in”?
5 Clues – agitation and aggression Do you recognise when someone is becoming irritated or is yourfirst clue someone shouting at you or storming off?Some other clues for you;Voice changes pitchSkin tone flushes or goes paleBreathing rate changesTense body postureEye contact changes – either more direct and challenging or avoiding eye contact completely
6 What do people do?Five basic ways of addressing conflict were identified byThomas and Kilman in 1976:AvoidanceCollaborationCompromiseCompetitionAccommodationALWAYS CONSIDER WHETHER THE SITUATION INVOLVESSAFETY RELATED ISSUES AND MODERATE YOURRESPONSE ACCORDINGLYWe will explore each of these in brief over the next few slides
7 Avoidance What does it look like? Avoid or postpone conflict by; Ignoring it Respecting that everyone has differentopinionsNot rising to it Asking to talk about it later, when it’s lessbusy (for example)When to use it?For minor – non-recurring conflictsPotential outcomesIgnoring negative verbal behaviours can diffuse situationsMay exacerbate situationsConsiderIs a conversation required?is this actually a pattern involving the same individuals?If this is a pattern - do you need support?
8 Collaboration What does it look like? Working together to find a mutually beneficial solutionWhen to use it?As part of problem solvingIn meetings or 1:1Potential outcomesWin-win solutions to conflict or disagreementConsiderHow much time you have available and how well you know those you are speaking withHow to use your questioning skills to capture everyone’s requirementsHow to gain agreement before continuing
9 Compromise What does it look like? Finding a middle ground in which each party is partially satisfiedWhen to use it?As part of problem solvingWhen the time to collaborate effectively is not availableWhen the situation is less complexPotential outcomesThe key requirements or expectations of those involved may be resolvedConsiderWill those involved be satisfied with a partial solutionHow to use your questioning skills to capture requirementsHow to gain agreement before continuing
10 Competition What does it look like? Asserting your viewpoint at the potential expense of those involvedWhen to use it?RarelyPotential outcomesYou may appear aggressive or arrogantPoor working relationshipConsiderWhy would your viewpoint be any more correct or relevant than anyone else’s?What you could ask those involved in order to understand the situation better?How do you react when someone overrides your opinion?NoteIt is almost always best to ask questions and get an understanding ofcontext before offering an opinion
11 Accommodation What does it look like? Surrender your own needs and wishes to accommodate the other partyWhen to use it?If this will achieve the best outcomePotential outcomesA short term solution that you can live withIf you are the one accommodating, then over time, you might resent working in this wayConsiderWhy would your viewpoint be any less correct or relevant than anyone else’s?What the circumstance isDo you need to build a working relationship?Are you choosing to do this because of hierarchy?What you could ask those involved in order to understand the situation better?
12 Tool box tools and techniques EmpathyWalk a mile in the other person’s shoes (figuratively speaking)Active listeningUse good eye contact, body posture, nodding and acknowledgement when someone is talking to youSummarise and paraphrase what you hear and repeat it back without changing language styles to make sure you are on the same page and understand what has been saidTake your timeGive the other person time to respond and space to do soNo matter how thin you slice it – there are always 2 sidesRemember respect cuts both waysOpen QuestionsWhat, Where, How, Who (be careful of why as “why” questions can start to feel like an interrogation)
13 Do…. Empathise with them The focus of your listening is to understand the other party – for you to “get it”Work to let them know what it is you “got”Use communication skills such as – paraphrasing and summarisingUse the same sorts of words theyare using (not the expletives)Check your understandingAcknowledge what has been said
14 Do…. ListenThis is not the easiest thing to do, especially on those occasions when you are bursting to give someone a piece of your mind!Work to show that you are focused on understanding the other person’s point of view.Focus on the words you choose, your toneof voice, your hand movements andbody languageAlways show respectNo matter how much you disagree withsomeone – your challenge is with the subject,context, circumstance or argument NOTwith the personConsiderHow does it affect you, when you do not feel you are being listened to…someone stands over you…raises their voice….speaks over you….wags their finger at you….tells you off?
15 Do….Take your time The only person you can control is you If you start to get angry take a break to reduce your emotional level and giveyou a chance to think about how to handle the situationAsk questions and keep an open mind
16 Do….Explain with careHow can you do this when your point of view is very different from theirs?Use “I” statements rather than “you” statementsInstead of “you don’t know what you’re talking about” try “I’d like to explain my perspective to you”Blaming and judging people is not helpful and will not effectively find a solutionAvoid discussing attitudes and personalities
17 Do….think creatively Use the different methods explored here Work to identify different solutions from those so far rejected by one of the parties
18 And Finally…. Accept the situation Conflict cannot always be avoided Not all conflict is negative
19 And Finally…. Accept the situation Conflict is not mathematicsThere is not always a solution waiting to be foundIf there is a solution – it is very unlikely to be the only one
20 And Finally…. Conflict cannot always be solved or avoided The Swiss psychologist Carl Jung once wrote that“the greatest and most important problems of life are allfundamentally insoluble. They can never be solved but onlyoutgrown”
21 And Finally…. Not all conflict is negative Although this learning lite presentation is about resolving conflict, be aware that conflict cannot always be avoided (especially when fundamental differences, as opposed to perceived difference, are involved)Not all conflict is negative (sometimes it “clears the air”)The important thing is to keep wasteful and damaging conflict to a minimum and when it does occur, use the techniques to resolve or at least ease it
22 What did we learn? We all experience conflict every day Approaches to Conflict Resolution include;AvoidanceCollaborationCompromiseCompetitionAccommodationWin Win solutions build relationships and aid solutionsConflict is not mathematicsThere is not always a solution waiting to be foundIf there is a solution – it is very unlikely to be the only one