1. Conflict Resolution
Learning Lite

2. Who me?
We all experience conflict every day, with family or friends; co- workers or customers
Since conflict will occur, what is important is how we understand, resolve and learn from it
A conflict is not a battle, there does not have to be a loser
There are techniques than can be used to work through a conflict successfully so everyone is a winner
Focus must remain on personal safety and professionalism

3. Why Conflict Resolution Training?
To;
Understand the affect conflict has on you
Recognise when it is appropriate to communicate with an angry person using a range of techniques
Understand how to diffuse negative encounters and make a positive out of a negative
Learn how to speak with others about uncomfortable or potentially “hot topics” and maintain a professional approach
Understand the motivators to violence and understand how and why colleagues become angry
Recognise when it is no longer safe to communicate and the only safe response is to walk away

4. Mirror Mirror…On the wall…
People are mirrors Our response to others is often dictated
by how they approach us.
To flip that on it’s head…think about;
How do you approach others?
Do you respect other people’s opinions?
What makes you angry?
What are the warning signs of your anger?
What do you do… do you walk away or do you take a moment or do you explain that you need to continue the discussion later, or do you agree with the other person and “give in”?

5. Clues – agitation and aggression
Do you recognise when someone is becoming irritated or is your
first clue someone shouting at you or storming off?
Some other clues for you;
Voice changes pitch
Skin tone flushes or goes pale
Breathing rate changes
Tense body posture
Eye contact changes – either more direct and challenging or avoiding eye contact completely

6. What do people do?
Five basic ways of addressing conflict were identified by
Thomas and Kilman in 1976:
Avoidance
Collaboration
Compromise
Competition
Accommodation
ALWAYS CONSIDER WHETHER THE SITUATION INVOLVES
SAFETY RELATED ISSUES AND MODERATE YOUR
RESPONSE ACCORDINGLY
We will explore each of these in brief over the next few slides

7. Avoidance What does it look like? Avoid or postpone conflict by;
Ignoring it  Respecting that everyone has different
opinions
Not rising to it  Asking to talk about it later, when it’s less
busy (for example)
When to use it?
For minor – non-recurring conflicts
Potential outcomes
Ignoring negative verbal behaviours can diffuse situations
May exacerbate situations
Consider
Is a conversation required?
is this actually a pattern involving the same individuals?
If this is a pattern - do you need support?

8. Collaboration What does it look like?
Working together to find a mutually beneficial solution
When to use it?
As part of problem solving
In meetings or 1:1
Potential outcomes
Win-win solutions to conflict or disagreement
Consider
How much time you have available and how well you know those you are speaking with
How to use your questioning skills to capture everyone’s requirements
How to gain agreement before continuing

9. Compromise What does it look like?
Finding a middle ground in which each party is partially satisfied
When to use it?
As part of problem solving
When the time to collaborate effectively is not available
When the situation is less complex
Potential outcomes
The key requirements or expectations of those involved may be resolved
Consider
Will those involved be satisfied with a partial solution
How to use your questioning skills to capture requirements
How to gain agreement before continuing

10. Competition What does it look like?
Asserting your viewpoint at the potential expense of those involved
When to use it?
Rarely
Potential outcomes
You may appear aggressive or arrogant
Poor working relationship
Consider
Why would your viewpoint be any more correct or relevant than anyone else’s?
What you could ask those involved in order to understand the situation better?
How do you react when someone overrides your opinion?
Note
It is almost always best to ask questions and get an understanding of
context before offering an opinion

11. Accommodation What does it look like?
Surrender your own needs and wishes to accommodate the other party
When to use it?
If this will achieve the best outcome
Potential outcomes
A short term solution that you can live with
If you are the one accommodating, then over time, you might resent working in this way
Consider
Why would your viewpoint be any less correct or relevant than anyone else’s?
What the circumstance is
Do you need to build a working relationship?
Are you choosing to do this because of hierarchy?
What you could ask those involved in order to understand the situation better?

12. Tool box tools and techniques
Empathy
Walk a mile in the other person’s shoes (figuratively speaking)
Active listening
Use good eye contact, body posture, nodding and acknowledgement when someone is talking to you
Summarise and paraphrase what you hear and repeat it back without changing language styles to make sure you are on the same page and understand what has been said
Take your time
Give the other person time to respond and space to do so
No matter how thin you slice it – there are always 2 sides
Remember respect cuts both ways
Open Questions
What, Where, How, Who (be careful of why as “why” questions can start to feel like an interrogation)

13. Do…. Empathise with them
The focus of your listening is to understand the other party – for you to “get it”
Work to let them know what it is you “got”
Use communication skills such as – paraphrasing and summarising
Use the same sorts of words they
are using (not the expletives)
Check your understanding
Acknowledge what has been said

14. Do…. Listen
This is not the easiest thing to do, especially on those occasions when you are bursting to give someone a piece of your mind!
Work to show that you are focused on understanding the other person’s point of view.
Focus on the words you choose, your tone
of voice, your hand movements and
body language
Always show respect
No matter how much you disagree with
someone – your challenge is with the subject,
context, circumstance or argument NOT
with the person
Consider
How does it affect you, when you do not feel you are being listened to…someone stands over you…raises their voice….speaks over you….wags their finger at you….tells you off?

15. Do….Take your time The only person you can control is you
If you start to get angry take a break to reduce your emotional level and give
you a chance to think about how to handle the situation
Ask questions and keep an open mind

16. Do….Explain with care
How can you do this when your point of view is very different from theirs?
Use “I” statements rather than “you” statements
Instead of “you don’t know what you’re talking about” try “I’d like to explain my perspective to you”
Blaming and judging people is not helpful and will not effectively find a solution
Avoid discussing attitudes and personalities

17. Do….think creatively Use the different methods explored here
Work to identify different solutions from those so far rejected by one of the parties

18. And Finally…. Accept the situation Conflict cannot always be avoided
Not all conflict is negative

19. And Finally…. Accept the situation
Conflict is not mathematics
There is not always a solution waiting to be found
If there is a solution – it is very unlikely to be the only one

20. And Finally…. Conflict cannot always be solved or avoided
The Swiss psychologist Carl Jung once wrote that
“the greatest and most important problems of life are all
fundamentally insoluble. They can never be solved but only
outgrown”

21. And Finally…. Not all conflict is negative
Although this learning lite presentation is about resolving conflict, be aware that conflict cannot always be avoided (especially when fundamental differences, as opposed to perceived difference, are involved)
Not all conflict is negative (sometimes it “clears the air”)
The important thing is to keep wasteful and damaging conflict to a minimum and when it does occur, use the techniques to resolve or at least ease it

22. What did we learn? We all experience conflict every day
Approaches to Conflict Resolution include;
Avoidance
Collaboration
Compromise
Competition
Accommodation
Win Win solutions build relationships and aid solutions
Conflict is not mathematics
There is not always a solution waiting to be found
If there is a solution – it is very unlikely to be the only one