1. Introduction to assertiveness
Professional Development
Introduction to assertiveness
Prepared by Suzanne Morton 1

2. Today’s session - content
Professional Development
Today’s session - content
Difficult situations – our choices
Identifying assertive, aggressive and submissive behaviour
Types of assertion
Body language
Personal action plans 2

3. Difficult situations are inevitable
Professional Development
Difficult situations are inevitable
Poor / inappropriate communication
Personality clash
Conflicting interests
Conflicting values
Unrealistic expectations
Misunderstandings / mistakes 3

4. Difficult situations – you have choices in how you react / behave…
Professional Development
Difficult situations – you have choices in how you react / behave…
Do what comes naturally?
Give yourself time / space to think?
Reframe the situation – i.e. try to see it differently?
Be assertive?
YOU HAVE A CHOICE! 4

5. The choice you make is critical to the outcome
Professional Development
The choice you make is critical to the outcome
The attitudes that we adopt in any situation partly determine how the situation will unfold.
Zohar & Marshall (1993) 5

6. Professional Development
Know your goal!
What are you trying to achieve (top end of the negotiating scale)?
What are you prepared to put up with (bottom line position)?
Between these two is a negotiable range (compromise)
Don’t use behaviours which are counter-productive! 6

7. But you can’t change other people!
Professional Development
But you can’t change other people!
Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig 7

8. Spectrum of behaviours
Professional Development
Spectrum of behaviours 8

9. Professional Development
Aggressive behaviour
Standing up for your rights in a way violates the rights of others
Ignoring or dismissing the needs, wants, opinions, feelings or beliefs of others
Expressing your own needs, wants and opinions in inappropriate ways 9

10. Professional Development
Aggressive words
Shut up and listen
What a nerve
Because I said so
Get on with it
You’d better
Stupid
You’re a……! 10

11. Professional Development
Submissive behaviour
Failing to stand up for your rights or doing so in a way that others can easily disregard them
Expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings or beliefs in apologetic or self effacing ways
Failing to express honestly your own needs, wants beliefs and opinions 11

12. Professional Development
Submissive words
Sorry to bother you
It’s only me
Would you mind
I could come back later
I wonder if
Excuse me
I guess 12

13. Professional Development
Assertive behaviour
Standing up for your own rights in such a way that you do not violate another person’s rights
Expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings or beliefs in direct honest and appropriate ways 13

14. Professional Development
Assertive words
I would like
I think
Let’s consider the options
I respect your view
What do you think?
I believe that
How can we resolve this 14

15. Professional Development
Assertive Techniques
Basic assertion
Responsive assertion
Empathetic assertion
Fogging
Instant replay
Discrepancy assertion
Negative feelings
Consequence assertion 15

16. Low level assertion (1)
Basic: A straightforward statement which stands up for your rights by making clear your needs, wants, beliefs opinions or feelings. e.g. “I need to be away by 5 p.m.”
Responsive: A behaviour that aims to find out where the other person stands, their needs, wants opinions and feelings e.g. “Katie, I’d like to hear your views on this report”or “What problems does that create for you Rachael?”
Empathetic: A statement that contains some empathy and a statement of your needs / wants. e.g.”I know you’re busy at the moment John but I’d like to ask a quick question”

17. Low level assertion (2)
Fogging: A way of slowing the other person down without necessarily agreeing or disagreeing with them. e.g. “I can see why you might think that Sam” or “There may be some truth in what you are saying”
Instant replay: A way of getting your message through without nagging or whining. The message is repeated or paraphrased until it can no longer be dismissed or ignored.e.g. “I can’t get the report done by 2 o’clock”………… “I can’t do the report by 2 o’clock but I could do it by 4 o’clock”……“As I’ve already said I can’t do the report for 2 o’clock”…..

18. High level assertion (1)
Discrepancy: A statement that shows the other person has ‘moved the goalposts’. e.g. “Mike, when we spoke about this last year you said you would delegate more responsibility to me, I’m still keen for that to happen”
Negative feelings: A statement which shows another person the undesirable effect their behaviour is having on you. e.g. “When you make comments like that in meetings it makes me feel that I’m not being taken seriously”

19. High level assertion (2)
Consequence: A statement that informs the other person of the consequences of not changing their behaviour. e.g. “If this happens again, I’ll have no option but to talk to the head of school. I’d rather we didn’t get to that stage.”

20. Professional Development
Reframing
2 people can look at the same situation or ‘picture’ and see entirely different things 20

21. It may help to try to see their ‘picture’
Professional Development
It may help to try to see their ‘picture’ 21

22. Body Language - say it like you mean it!
Professional Development
Body Language - say it like you mean it!
Is learned before language
Is more convincing than language
Is powerful in forming a first impression 22

23. Body Language is made up of
Professional Development
Body Language is made up of
Eye contact
Facial expression
Posture
Gestures
Personal space
Dress
Voice Tone 23

24. The Power of Body Language
Professional Development
The Power of Body Language 7%
WORDS
what you say
55%
APPEARANCE
how you look!
38%
VOICE
how you say it 24

25. Assertive Body Language
Professional Development
Assertive Body Language
Moderate eye contact
Relaxed facial expression
Open gestures
Relaxed posture
Appropriate proximity
Moderate voice tone 25

26. Difficult situations checklist
Professional Development
Difficult situations checklist
What are your rights?
What are his/her rights?
What are your fears about tackling this?
What are the possible benefits to tackling it?
What is negotiable / non-negotiable?
What type of assertion could be used as a starting point / to escalate?
Consider your body language and vocal tone.
Where and when are you going to speak to him/her? 26

27. Professional Development
Action plan
Use your judgement to choose situations you want to be more assertive in
Weigh up pros and cons of being assertive
Be clear what outcome you want at the start
Know your negotiating limit
Have a flexible strategy
Don’t give up at the first hurdle
Look for win/win compromise solutions if possible
Look at the ‘big picture’ 27