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Effective Communications Styles:. Learning Outcomes As a result of this seminar, you will be able to: 1. Understand barriers to effective communication.

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Presentation on theme: "Effective Communications Styles:. Learning Outcomes As a result of this seminar, you will be able to: 1. Understand barriers to effective communication."— Presentation transcript:

1 Effective Communications Styles:

2 Learning Outcomes As a result of this seminar, you will be able to: 1. Understand barriers to effective communication 2. Explore some of the generalizations about men and women in relationships. 3. Identify your personal withdrawal techniques by reviewing the Dirty Dozen of Communication Spoilers. 4. Develop a better understanding of your partners way of communicating. 5. Identify some of the common power plays that are used by couples in a relationship. 3

3 6. Understanding some of the Dos and Donts of couples communication 7. Demonstrate empathic listening 8. Construct I messages 9. Rate your People Skills and identify areas for improvement 10. Explore the reality and the value of marital conflicts 11. Explore the concept of a couples time out 12. Identify some of the red flags in relationships 11. Where to turn when your relationship needs help Learning Outcomes cont. 4

4 Effective Communications Barriers to Effective Communication 1. Different ways of viewing world can lead to honest misunderstandings 2. Expecting other person to be a mind reader 3. Taking other persons words personally and either getting defensive or withdrawing 4. Getting stuck in rut – having the same interactions again and again, nothing ever gets resolved 5

5 What do you see? 6

6 Barriers to Effective Communication cont. 5. Thinking of response or daydreaming 6. Not understanding different ways men and women typically view talking 7. Ignoring importance of non-verbal communication 8. Not taking the time to communicate 7

7 Differences between Men and Women Women: Understanding How Men Communicate KIS- Keep It Simple Stay on one topic at a time: men think in a linear and sequential manner Do not be offended if he does not maintain eye contact Expect interruptions: this is his way of showing interest in the topic Expect distracting behavior: walking around and talking Men have a strong need to be right Avoid directing a man: instead ask, have you considered … Avoid nodding: to a man it means you agree and not just that you are listening Keep a sense of humor

8 Differences between Men and Women Men: Understanding How Women Communicate Women speak twice as many words as a man Set a time every day to communicate for at least 15 minutes Try to make direct eye contact Try to not interrupt Ask her to stick to one subject at a time Respect the versatility of the female mind: women tend to wander and this makes no sense to men Her guiding the relationship is not meant as bossiness: women tend to be more directing and guiding If you feel she is nagging, do some self checking: Ask her to talk with you and not at you with an I statement Keep your sense of humor

9 Communication 55%--Body Body language, facial expressions, hand gestures, use of space, movements 38%--Voice Tone, pitch, rate, volume 07%--Word Actual words spoken 8

10 JUDGING u Criticizing u Name-Calling or Labeling u Diagnosing u Using Loaded Words SENDING SOLUTIONS u Ordering u Threatening u Moralizing u Probing or Quizzing Dirty Dozen of Communication Spoilers AVOIDING THE OTHER PERSONS CONCERNS u Advising u Diverting or Me, Too--ing u Arguing Logically u Reassuring 9

11 1. Listen and understand the individual 2. Attend to the little things 3. Keep commitments 4. Clarify expectations 5. Show personal integrity 6. Apologize sincerely when you make a relationship withdrawal 7. Establish Win/Win relationships Building Healthy Interpersonal Relationships 10

12 8. Be assertive and use I-messages 9. Practice effective communication skills. Building Healthy Interpersonal Relationships cont. 12

13 Habits of Effective People Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Stephen Covey Seven Habits of Highly Effective People 11

14 Common Power Plays Giving advice but not accepting it. Having difficulty reaching out and asking for support and love. Giving orders: demanding and expecting too much from others. Being judgmental, PUT-DOWNS, fault finding, persecuting. Holding out on others; not giving them what they need or want. Making and then breaking promises. Smothering or over-nurturing your partner. Patronizing/condescending behavior/one up and one down. Making decisions for others. Putting others in a no-win situation. Attempting to change the other.

15 Listening 13

16 We have been given two ears and one mouth. We should listen twice as much as we talk! Ancient Proverb 14

17 Effective Communication Techniques Reflective Listening Techniques Mirroring: The process of accurately reflecting back the content of a message from your partner. Validating: Let your partner know that the information being sent make sense. Empathy: The process of reflecting or imaging the feelings the sending partner is experiencing about an event or situation.

18 I messages 15

19 I Messages Describes objectively how you feel. Focuses on your feelings. Does not assign blame. Specific behavior is described. Non-verbal elements such as tone of voice and body language are critical. Requires a non-judgmental attitude. Can include a state of change and consequence.

20 I Messages Constructing an I message Describe the behavior objective. When… Expresses your feelings about the behavior. I feel… Describe the effect on you. …because… Make a statement of change. I want you to… Statement of consequences. If you do/do not … I will...

21 How do your people skills rate? 16

22 Are you a Passive, Aggressive, Aggressive, or Assertive Communicator? Passive

23 Are you Passive, Aggressive, Passive- Aggressive, or Assertive? Cont. Aggressive

24 Are you Passive, Aggressive, Passive- Aggressive, or Assertive? Cont Passive Aggressive

25 Are you Passive, Aggressive, Passive- Aggressive, or Assertive? Cont Assertive

26 Assertive Communicators: Best communication style. Basis for a healthy interpersonal relationship. Have a positive reserve in their relationship bank account.

27 7 Signs of Communication Problems: Helplessness Anxiety Hostility Frustration Cynicism Loss of Self-Esteem Hopelessness

28 Dos and Donts of Communication Donts: Criticize Hit below the belt Threaten to end the relationship Just complain Assume the other person knows what you are thinking Interrupt Be sarcastic Generalize with always or never Make vague requests Be more concerned with winning or being right Question excessively Raise your voice or lose emotional control

29 Dos and Donts of Couple Communication Dos Know each genders different ways of communicating Take time out to think about the problem and clarify your position Be specific Be honest Ask for and give feedback Discuss one issue at a time Stay on topic Try to understand your partners position Consider a compromise Stick to the present Retire your score board Practice effective communication techniques such as I statements and reflective listening Call a time out when necessary

30 Marital Conflict It should not be: Hurtful Rejecting Insulting Humiliating Manipulating About winning and losing

31 Marital Conflict 2 It should be: Necessary Natural Inevitable Just a difference in what you and your partner want, need, or think. A sign that your relationship has great potential for growth. An opportunity to try something different.

32 Time Outs Partners agree to come back to an issue after spending time away You come back together after a period of time to attempt to settle the differences Options for settling a disagreement: agree, compromise, disagree, or agree to disagree peacefully

33 Where to Turn When the Relationship is in Trouble? EAP Individual and/or Marital Counseling Relationship Building Activities Friends Support Groups Church

34 If its to be, Its up to me! Dennis Waitley Psychology of Winning Conclusion 18


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