Presentation on theme: "Chapter Seven Love & Intimacy"— Presentation transcript:
1Chapter Seven Love & Intimacy Segue from previous day’s lecture about gender roles.
2Agenda Review Theories of Love Discuss Connection Between Love & Sex in Intimate Relationships
3Class Exercise: Stereotypes and Intimacy We will view a video clip from the movie “What Women Want”What are the stereotypes associated with men/masculinity and women/femininity.How do these stereotypes influence intimacy?
5The Forms and Origin of Love Romantic love – passionate love that includes sexual desire, physical attraction, and elationWe tend to idealize our romantic partnerCompanionate love (conjugal love) – deep affection, attachment, intimacy, trust, loyalty
6Conceptualizations of Love Colors of Love (Lee)Love Triangles (Sternberg)Can We Measure Love?
8Colors of Love Based on research Six basic ways (“colors”) to love Love styles are independentLovers with compatible love styles will be happier with each other than incompatible styles
9Six Contemporary Love Styles (based on the work of Lee, 1973) Eros (sounds like "air-ohs"): "characterized by intense emotional attachment and powerful sexual feelings or desires" (Lamanna & Riedmann, 1991, p. 92). Sustained relationships are typified by "continued active interest in sexual and emotional fulfillment, plus the development of intellectual rapport" Lamanna & Riedmann, 1991, p. 92; emphasis added).Storge (sounds like "store-gay"): "an affectionate, companionate style of loving. This love focuses on deepening mutual commitment, respect, and friendship over time" (Lamanna & Riedmann, 1991, p. 92).Continued …
10Love StylesPragma: "emphasizes the practical element in human relationships, particularly in marriages. Pragmatics love involves rational assessment of a potential partner's assets and liabilities" (Lamanna & Riedmann, 1991, p. 92).Agape: altruistic love. It "emphasizes unselfish concern for the beloved's needs even when that means some personal sacrifice [it also] emphasizes nurturing others with little conscious desire for return other than the intrinsic satisfaction of having loved and cared for someone else" (Lamanna & Riedmann, 1991, p ).Continued …
11Love StylesLudus (sounds like "lewd-us"): emphasizes the recreational aspect of sexuality and sensual pleasures. It may be part of a more committed relationship based on other loves styles, too.Mania: based on strong sexual attraction and emotional intensity, but a manic partner is extremely jealous, moody, and her/his need for attention is insatiable.
12Colors of Love Manic and ludic – poorer psychological health Storge and eros – higher psychological healthGender Differences:Men – more socially acceptable to have eros or ludus styles; less to have agape; more likely to have ludic styleWomen – more socially acceptable to have agape; less to have ludus; more likely to have pragmatic style
14Love TrianglesLove is three elements that can be combined to produce 7 different types of loveThree basic elements:Passion – sexual desire and physical attraction; part of romantic loveIntimacy – connection and feelings of closeness; an emotional investmentCommitment – to love in the short term; to maintain that love in the long term
15Love Triangles (Sternberg, 1998, 1999) Love changes as we matureDifferent forms of love may be experienced within the same couple throughout time
17Can We Measure Love? Scales have been developed to measure love Measure something strongly associated with loveAttachment (Rubin, 1970, 1973)Measure aspects of relationshipsRelationship Rating ScalePassionate Love ScaleMost scales measure romantic, not companionate, love
18Theories of Love Behavioral Reinforcement Theories Cognitive Theories Physiological Arousal TheoriesEvolutionary Theories
19Class Exercise Is love essential for emotional survival? What are the characteristics of a truly loving relationship?How do you recognize love?Is it possible to love more than one person in a lifetime? More than one person at a time?
20Behavioral Reinforcement Theories We love because another person reinforces positive feelings in ourselvesPositive/rewarding feeling in the presence of another makes us like them, even if the reward is unrelated to that personLove is a result of many mutually reinforcing activities with a person
21Cognitive Theories A behavior occurs, and then we interpret it as love If we think someone likes us, we are more prone to find them attractive
22Physiological Arousal Theories Physiological arousal is labeled with an emotion, such as loveWe are more likely to experience love when we are physiologically aroused for any reasonShaky bridge study (Dutton & Aron, 1974)Male participants on a “scary” bridge were more likely than males on a “safe” bridge to call a female they met on the bridgeArousal is not crucial for an emotional state
23Evolutionary Theories Humans have 3 basic instincts:Need for protectionParent protects the childSexual driveWe love in order to produce offspringHeterosexual men want healthy women to carry offspringHeterosexual women want men with resources to care for her and the offspring
24Love Across the Lifespan Love becomes more complex as we age
25ChildhoodAttachment to the caregiver can affect attachment throughout lifeThe love of mother and father are importantMay be harder to be intimate with another as an adult if it was not experienced as a childThree attachment types:Secure – accepts caregiver leavingAnxious/ambivalent – panic if left aloneAvoidant – caregiver forces parting early
26ChildhoodParental divorce is related to lower levels of trust a young adult (particularly female) experiences in intimate relationships
27Adolescence Time to learn how to love, manage emotions Creates a foundation for adult relationshipsRole repertoire – varied ways to relate with othersIntimacy repertoire – collection of behaviors used to create intimate relationships in lifeUsually begin with an unattainable crush; romantic love more likely if parents’ relationship is stable, at ease with own body
28Adult Love and Intimacy Factors that increase attractionProximity – people you know or see oftenSimilarity – background, values, attitudesPhysical Attraction – “matching hypothesis”Personality – openness, sociability, humorEconomic Resources – especially in menMutual Attraction and LoveIdeal qualities are consistent across gender, culture, and sexual orientation
29Attraction in Different Cultures Study comparing 37 cultures (Buss, 1989)Men valued “good looks” in their partnerWomen valued “good financial prospect” in their partnerMen preferred younger partnersWomen preferred older partners
31Intimate Relationships Self-disclosure is importantThose who value intimacy tend to be more trusting, concerned for others, disclose more, have more positive thoughts about others, are perceived as more likable, smile, laugh, make more eye contact, and enjoy marriage more
32Male and Female Styles of Intimacy Culturally transmitted gender roles may be the largest factor in affecting style of intimacyMen are inhibited from expressing intimacy, or maybe they just do it differently than women, such as through behaviorGay men are more likely to believe in the importance of sharing intimacy with a romantic partner than heterosexual men
33Intimacy in Different Cultures Culture seems to be more influential than gender in love and intimacy styleIndividualistic vs. Collectivistic culturesStrength of stereotypical gender roles affects level of intimacy; the stronger the stereotype, the less attached couples areWestern countries rate love as highly important, less developed Asian countries rated love the lowest
34Long-Term Love and Commitment Effort and commitment are required to maintain a relationshipWomen feel lonely in a marriage that has less liking, marital satisfaction, self-disclosure, and loveMen feel lonely in a marriage that has less intimacy, liking, and communication
35Love and SexInitial attraction increases intimacy: more eye contact, more touchesBody language reveals attraction, and the female typically startsInitially it is contact and conversation with bodies turned toward each other, followed by tentative touches that increase in duration and intimacy, then “full body synchronization”Higher sexual desire, less unfaithful thoughts
36Developing Intimacy Skills Self-love – being at ease with ourselves, both the positive and negative qualitiesReceptivity – shows others we are open to communication, approachableListening – provide full attentionAffection – warmth and security with othersTrust – a requirement that develops slowlyRespect – acknowledge and understand another’s needs; don’t have to share them
37Jealousy Compulsiveness Possessiveness The Dark Side of LoveJealousyCompulsivenessPossessiveness
38Class ExerciseA college couple who live together have been having increased arguments.One partner wants the other to grow up and act mature.In return, the other suggests that they need to have more fun in their relationship.What advice would you give them?What are the short- and long-term prospects for this couple?
39JealousyInterpretation and emotional reaction that a relationship is threatenedMost jealous if the person we believe is threatening the relationship has qualities we want ourselvesMore common with low self-esteem
40Jealousy Men more jealous of a female’s sexual infidelity Women more jealous of a male’s emotional infidelityBoth genders more threatened by sexual infidelity in short-term relationshipsBoth genders more threatened by emotional infidelity in long-term relationships
41JealousyMale heterosexuals more jealous of male-female sexual infidelityHeterosexual women more jealous of male-male sexual infidelityMuch unknown about homosexual infidelityJealousy is in all cultures, although the reasons may varyJealousy shows a lack of trust & self-esteem
42CompulsivenessLove releases phenylethylamine (also in chocolate), which produces feelings of euphoria and love addictionSociety and media reinforces the “need” to be in love and may be carried over from adolescence without maturing
43PossessivenessTrying to manipulate the partner in attempts to feel worthyIs a sign of low self-esteem and can lead to stalkingMay require help from a mental health professional