Presentation on theme: "Chapter 11- Close Relationships: Passion, Intimacy, and Sexuality"— Presentation transcript:
1 Chapter 11- Close Relationships: Passion, Intimacy, and Sexuality What Is Love?Different Types of RelationshipsMaintaining RelationshipsSexualityThis is an overview of the topics of the chapter. Before beginning the chapter there is a slide based on the chapter introduction that can be used to stimulate classroom discussion.
2 Close Relationships: Passion, Intimacy, and Sexuality Princess Diana and Prince CharlesPeople who marry live longer, healthier livesPeople who stay married live longer and better than those who divorceHappy marriage is an important considerationWhat does the research tell you about the advantages of marriage?
3 Mutual understanding and caring Physiological difference What Is Love?Passionate LoveStrong feelings of longing, desire, and excitement toward a special personCompanionate LoveMutual understanding and caringPhysiological differencePresence of PEATechnology Tip: A recent paper, “The Neural Correlates of Maternal and Romantic Love” is available online (Technology Tip: Details on specific chemical differences during different stages of love and available online at “Science and Nature: Hot Topics” (Technology Tip: Research evidence may support the belief that passionate love is similar to temporary insanity. See details at “Does Love Drive You Mad?” (
4 Love and CulturePassionate love as a social constructionRomantic love is found in most culturesForms and expression vary by cultureAttitude varies by culture and era
5 Love Across TimePassionate love is important for starting a relationshipsExists for a brief period of timeCompanionate love is important for making it succeed and survive
6 Figure If you use Sternberg graphs shown here as the basis, use only the “experienced level” line from the top one for the course of passion, and only the “Successful relationship/Latent level” line from the intimacy graph.
7 Tradeoffs - Sex In and Out of Marriage Married people have sex more often, more satisfyingMarried people more likely indicate physical or emotional satisfaction from sexSingle people spend more time at each sexual episodeSingle people have more sexual partners
8 Figure For most couples, sex is most frequent during the first month and first year after their wedding and declines after that. From James (1981).
9 Emotional state with high bodily arousal Intimacy Sternberg’s TrianglePassionEmotional state with high bodily arousalIntimacyFeeling of closeness, mutual understanding and concernCommitmentConscious decision; remains constantTechnology Tip: Direct interested students to Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love Scale online (Discussion Tip: Before presenting Sternberg’s model, ask students to define/describe love in their notebooks. Then present the theory and ask them to reexamine their definitions. Do their definitions focus mostly on passion? Intimacy? Commitment? You may wish to tally the predominant tone of each definition and then discuss the results.
10 Figure 11. 3 A triangle theory of love Figure A triangle theory of love. After many years, a good relationship might look like this: passion has diminished greatly, but commitment and intimacy are high.
12 Influenced by Freudian and learning theory AttachmentBowlbyInfluenced by Freudian and learning theoryBelieved childhood attachment predicted adult relationshipsShaverIdentified attachment styles to describe adult relationshipsAnxious/Ambivalent – Secure - AvoidantTechnology Tip: Phillip Shaver maintains an attachment website with links to articles, surveys, and current projects at the UC Davis Adult Attachment Lab (
13 Figure 11.4 Three attachment styles, from one-item measure by Hazan and Shaver (1987)
14 Attachment TheoryTheory developed along two dimensionsAnxiety and AvoidanceFour attachment stylesSecure attachmentDismissing avoidant attachmentFearful avoidant attachmentPreoccupied attachment
19 Self-esteem and LovePopular belief that you need to love yourself before you can love othersNot demonstrated in theory or factsSelf-esteemLow self-esteem – may feel unlovableHigh self-esteem – may feel more worthy than present partner
20 Self-Love and Loving Others NarcissistsHigh self-esteem; strong, unstable self-loveHarmful to relationshipsLess committed to love relationshipsSelf-acceptanceMore minimal form of self-loveLinked to positive interactions
21 Maintaining Relationships Good relationships tend to stay the same over timePopular myth that they continue to improveKey to maintaining a good relationship is to avoid a downward spiral
22 Is Bad Stronger Than Good? Good and Bad Relationship Partners Bad interactions are stronger than goodPositive interactions must occur at least five times as often as negativeReciprocity of negative behaviorSign of a downward spiral for the relationshipTechnology Tip: Check out John Gottman’s “Marriage Tips 101” on his website (
23 Three factors to explain long-term relationships Satisfaction Investment ModelThree factors to explain long-term relationshipsSatisfactionAlternativesInvestmentsConsidered together they predict the likelihood of maintaining the relationshipTechnology Tip: Students may be interested in taking (or at least seeing items from) Rusbult’s Satisfaction/ Alternatives/ Investments scales, which are available on her web page. ( )Teaching Tip: Given Rusbult’s model, ask students how they might counsel a friend who is in a damaging relationship. What would be most effective for him/her to hear?
24 Thinking Styles of Couples Difference in terms of attributionRelationship enhancingGood acts - internal; bad - external factorsDistress-maintaining styleGood acts - external factors; bad - internalTeaching Tip: Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink offers a detailed, yet accessible description of this research (
25 Thinking Styles of Couples Optimism in the relationshipHappy couples have an idealized version of their relationshipDevaluing alternativesPeople in lasting relationships do not find others appealingTechnology Tip: See the 2005 New York Times article “Is Marriage Counseling Effective?” (
26 Being Yourself: Is Honesty the Best Policy? Discrepancy between idealization view and complete honestyPeople in passionate love often idealize and overestimate their partnersRelationships thrive when couples retain their best behavior in front of their partner
28 SexualityHumans form relationships based on two separate systemsAttachment systemGender neutralSex driveFocus on opposite sex (procreation)Love comes from attachment drive; independent of gender
29 Social Constructionist Theories Evolutionary Theory Theories of SexualitySocial Constructionist TheoriesEvolutionary TheoryGender differences based in reproductive strategiesSocial Exchange TheoryTechnology Tip: An “Evolutionary Psychology Primer,” written by pioneers in the field Cosmides and Tooby, is available at UC Santa Barbara’s Center for Evolutionary Psychology (Technology Tip: Answers to frequently asked questions about evolutionary psychology can be found at UC Santa Barbara’s Center for Evolutionary Psychology (Discussion Tip: After presenting each of the theories of sexuality, ask students to select which theory they believe to be most valid and to spend a few minutes writing about why they think that theory is the best. Then open the floor for discussion.
30 Men have a stronger sex drive than women Coolidge effect Sex and GenderMen have a stronger sex drive than womenCoolidge effectSeparating sex and loveMen are more likely to seek and enjoy sex without loveWomen are more likely to enjoy love without sexCoolidge effect the sexually arousing power of a new partner (greater than the appeal of a familiar partner).
31 Figure More men than women report high sexual desire on almost every measure, but some differences are bigger than others.
32 Food for Thought Eating in Front of a Cute Guy People eat sparingly in the presence of attractive person of the opposite sexReduced eating correlated with desire for social acceptanceRestraining food intake may be more important to women seeking to make a good impression than to menDiscussion Tip: Ask students to report on whether they’ve witnessed eating habits similar to those described. Have they witnessed other forms of eating for self-presentation concerns?
33 HomosexualityHomosexuality challenges theories of sexualityMost cultures condemn homosexualityNatural selection does not support it
34 HomosexualityEBE – Erotic becomes exotic (Bem, 1998)Explains sexual arousal is labeled from the emotional nervousness resulting from exposure to exoticDifficult to test and verify this theory
35 Tolerance for extramarital sex is fairly low Extradyadic SexMost reliable data suggests infidelity is rare in modern Western marriagesTolerance for extramarital sex is fairly lowExtramarital sex is a risk factor for break upsCan not demonstrate causalityTechnology Tip: The full text of Wiederman’s article is available at Look Smart (Teaching Tip: Ask students to estimate the number of men and the number of women who report ever having engaged in extramarital sex. Then report actual results. Students may raise concerns such as reporting bias, which can produce a fruitful discussion.
36 Women’s infidelity characterized by emotional attachment to lover Reasons for StrayingMen desire noveltySometimes engage in extramarital sex without complaint about their marriageWomen’s infidelity characterized by emotional attachment to loverUsually dissatisfied with current partnerTechnology Tip: David Buss offers an electronic version of his “Susceptibility to Infidelity” measure, along with several other measures, at “Evolutionary Psychology” (
37 Jealousy and Possessiveness Cultural theory of jealousyProduct of social roles and expectationsSexual jealousy found in every cultureForms, expressions, and rules may varySociety can modify jealousy but can not eliminate it
38 Jealousy and Possessiveness Evolutionary theory of jealousyMen – ensure they were not supporting someone else’s childWomen –if husband becomes emotionally involved with another, may withhold resourcesTechnology Tip: Cosmides and Tooby provide additional information on evolutionary psychology and emotions, including jealousy, at UC Santa Barbara’s Center for Evolutionary Psychology (
39 Jealousy and Possessiveness Jealousy can focus on either sexual or emotional connections with anotherMen may focus more strongly on sexual aspects than womenTeaching Tip: Pose the question from Buss et al. study (Would it be worse for the person you love to have a one-time sexual encounter with another person without any emotional involvement, or for the person you love to have a lasting, emotionally intimate relationship with member of your gender - but one that did not include sexual intercourse?) to your students, and then tally the results by sex to see if you reproduce Buss et al’s findings. (Majority – 60% - of men objected to sexual infidelity; women objected more to emotional infidelity.
40 Jealousy is a product of both the person and the situation Causes of JealousyJealousy is a product of both the person and the situationMany suspicions of jealously are accurateParanoid (false) jealousy is fairly rareTechnology Tip: The television show Cheaters (cheaters.com) invites suspicious partners to contact the show, when then focuses on surveillance tactics to discover whether the suspect is guilty of infidelity.
41 Jealousy and Type of Interloper The less of a threat from the other person, the less jealousyJealousy depends on how their traits compare to the third partyBoth men and women are more jealous if the third party is a man rather than a woman
42 Social RealitySocial realityPublic awareness of some eventImportant role in jealousyHigh social reality = High jealousyThe more other people know about your partner’s infidelity, the more jealousy
43 Culture and Female Sexuality All culture regulate sex in some waysCultural regulation is more directed at womenErotic plasticityPaternity uncertainty
44 Culture and the Double Standard Supported more by women than menWeaker than usually assumed
45 What Makes Us Human?Long-term monogamous mating is more common among humansCulture plays a role in monogamyCulture gives permission for divorceCulture influences love and sexFace-to-face position is used by most people