1. Chapter 11- Close Relationships: Passion, Intimacy, and Sexuality
What Is Love?
Different Types of Relationships
Maintaining Relationships
Sexuality
This is an overview of the topics of the chapter. Before beginning the chapter there is a slide based on the chapter introduction that can be used to stimulate classroom discussion.

2. Close Relationships: Passion, Intimacy, and Sexuality
Princess Diana and Prince Charles
People who marry live longer, healthier lives
People who stay married live longer and better than those who divorce
Happy marriage is an important consideration
What does the research tell you about the advantages of marriage?

3. Mutual understanding and caring Physiological difference
What Is Love?
Passionate Love
Strong feelings of longing, desire, and excitement toward a special person
Companionate Love
Mutual understanding and caring
Physiological difference
Presence of PEA
Technology Tip: A recent paper, “The Neural Correlates of Maternal and Romantic Love” is available online (
Technology Tip: Details on specific chemical differences during different stages of love and available online at “Science and Nature: Hot Topics” (
Technology Tip: Research evidence may support the belief that passionate love is similar to temporary insanity. See details at “Does Love Drive You Mad?” (

4. Love and Culture
Passionate love as a social construction
Romantic love is found in most cultures
Forms and expression vary by culture
Attitude varies by culture and era

5. Love Across Time
Passionate love is important for starting a relationships
Exists for a brief period of time
Companionate love is important for making it succeed and survive

6. Figure If you use Sternberg graphs shown here as the basis, use only the “experienced level” line from the top one for the course of passion, and only the “Successful relationship/Latent level” line from the intimacy graph.

7. Tradeoffs - Sex In and Out of Marriage
Married people have sex more often, more satisfying
Married people more likely indicate physical or emotional satisfaction from sex
Single people spend more time at each sexual episode
Single people have more sexual partners

8. Figure For most couples, sex is most frequent during the first month and first year after their wedding and declines after that. From James (1981).

9. Emotional state with high bodily arousal Intimacy
Sternberg’s Triangle
Passion
Emotional state with high bodily arousal
Intimacy
Feeling of closeness, mutual understanding and concern
Commitment
Conscious decision; remains constant
Technology Tip: Direct interested students to Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love Scale online (
Discussion Tip: Before presenting Sternberg’s model, ask students to define/describe love in their notebooks. Then present the theory and ask them to reexamine their definitions. Do their definitions focus mostly on passion? Intimacy? Commitment? You may wish to tally the predominant tone of each definition and then discuss the results.

10. Figure 11. 3 A triangle theory of love
Figure A triangle theory of love. After many years, a good relationship might look like this: passion has diminished greatly, but commitment and intimacy are high.

11. Different Types of Relationships
Exchange relationships
More frequent in broader society
Increases societal progress and wealth
Communal relationships
More frequent in close intimate relationships
More desirable, healthier, and mature
Exchange relationships based on reciprocity and fairness, in which people expect something in return
Communal relationships based on mutual love and concern, without expectation or repayment
Teaching Tip: In a communal relationship, it may be perceived as strange or offensive if a partner treats it as an exchange relationship. For example, driving someone to the airport may be done without concern for payment. If the other person offers to pay, it could be perceived as a slight, or at least an indication that the person views the relationship differently.
Supplemental Lecture: See Roy Baumeister’s own PowerPoint© lecture on Relationships under the “supplemental lecture” menu on your Multimedia Manager Instructor’s Resource CD, or visit the Book Companion Website for a downloadable file.

12. Influenced by Freudian and learning theory
Attachment
Bowlby
Influenced by Freudian and learning theory
Believed childhood attachment predicted adult relationships
Shaver
Identified attachment styles to describe adult relationships
Anxious/Ambivalent – Secure - Avoidant
Technology Tip: Phillip Shaver maintains an attachment website with links to articles, surveys, and current projects at the UC Davis Adult Attachment Lab (

13. Figure 11.4 Three attachment styles, from one-item measure by Hazan and Shaver (1987)

14. Attachment Theory
Theory developed along two dimensions
Anxiety and Avoidance
Four attachment styles
Secure attachment
Dismissing avoidant attachment
Fearful avoidant attachment
Preoccupied attachment

15. Figure 11.5 Two dimensions of attachment.

16. Low anxiety; low avoidance Positive attitude toward others and self
Attachment Styles
Secure attachment
Low anxiety; low avoidance
Positive attitude toward others and self
Preoccupied attachment (anxious/ambivalent)
Low avoidance; high anxiety
Positive attitude toward others; negative attitude toward self
Technology Tip: R. Chris Fraley provides an excellent “Brief Overview of Adult Attachment Theory and Research” online (

17. Attachment Styles
Dismissing avoidant attachment
Low anxiety; High avoidance
Negative attitude toward others; positive toward self
Fearful avoidant attachment
High anxiety; High avoidance
Low opinions of self and others

18. Generally have good sex lives Preoccupied
Attachment and Sex
Secure
Generally have good sex lives
Preoccupied
May use sex to pull others close to them
Avoidant
Have a desire for connection
May avoid sex, or use it to resist intimacy
Supplemental Lecture: See Roy Baumeister’s own PowerPoint© lecture on Sexuality under the “supplemental lecture” menu on your Multimedia Manager Instructor’s Resource CD, or visit the Book Companion Website for a downloadable file.

19. Self-esteem and Love
Popular belief that you need to love yourself before you can love others
Not demonstrated in theory or facts
Self-esteem
Low self-esteem – may feel unlovable
High self-esteem – may feel more worthy than present partner

20. Self-Love and Loving Others
Narcissists
High self-esteem; strong, unstable self-love
Harmful to relationships
Less committed to love relationships
Self-acceptance
More minimal form of self-love
Linked to positive interactions

21. Maintaining Relationships
Good relationships tend to stay the same over time
Popular myth that they continue to improve
Key to maintaining a good relationship is to avoid a downward spiral

22. Is Bad Stronger Than Good? Good and Bad Relationship Partners
Bad interactions are stronger than good
Positive interactions must occur at least five times as often as negative
Reciprocity of negative behavior
Sign of a downward spiral for the relationship
Technology Tip: Check out John Gottman’s “Marriage Tips 101” on his website (

23. Three factors to explain long-term relationships Satisfaction
Investment Model
Three factors to explain long-term relationships
Satisfaction
Alternatives
Investments
Considered together they predict the likelihood of maintaining the relationship
Technology Tip: Students may be interested in taking (or at least seeing items from) Rusbult’s Satisfaction/ Alternatives/ Investments scales, which are available on her web page. ( )
Teaching Tip: Given Rusbult’s model, ask students how they might counsel a friend who is in a damaging relationship. What would be most effective for him/her to hear?

24. Thinking Styles of Couples
Difference in terms of attribution
Relationship enhancing
Good acts - internal; bad - external factors
Distress-maintaining style
Good acts - external factors; bad - internal
Teaching Tip: Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink offers a detailed, yet accessible description of this research (

25. Thinking Styles of Couples
Optimism in the relationship
Happy couples have an idealized version of their relationship
Devaluing alternatives
People in lasting relationships do not find others appealing
Technology Tip: See the 2005 New York Times article “Is Marriage Counseling Effective?” (

26. Being Yourself: Is Honesty the Best Policy?
Discrepancy between idealization view and complete honesty
People in passionate love often idealize and overestimate their partners
Relationships thrive when couples retain their best behavior in front of their partner

27. Figure 11.6

28. Sexuality
Humans form relationships based on two separate systems
Attachment system
Gender neutral
Sex drive
Focus on opposite sex (procreation)
Love comes from attachment drive; independent of gender

29. Social Constructionist Theories Evolutionary Theory
Theories of Sexuality
Social Constructionist Theories
Evolutionary Theory
Gender differences based in reproductive strategies
Social Exchange Theory
Technology Tip: An “Evolutionary Psychology Primer,” written by pioneers in the field Cosmides and Tooby, is available at UC Santa Barbara’s Center for Evolutionary Psychology (
Technology Tip: Answers to frequently asked questions about evolutionary psychology can be found at UC Santa Barbara’s Center for Evolutionary Psychology (
Discussion Tip: After presenting each of the theories of sexuality, ask students to select which theory they believe to be most valid and to spend a few minutes writing about why they think that theory is the best. Then open the floor for discussion.

30. Men have a stronger sex drive than women Coolidge effect
Sex and Gender
Men have a stronger sex drive than women
Coolidge effect
Separating sex and love
Men are more likely to seek and enjoy sex without love
Women are more likely to enjoy love without sex
Coolidge effect the sexually arousing power of a new partner (greater than the appeal of a familiar partner).

31. Figure More men than women report high sexual desire on almost every measure, but some differences are bigger than others.

32. Food for Thought Eating in Front of a Cute Guy
People eat sparingly in the presence of attractive person of the opposite sex
Reduced eating correlated with desire for social acceptance
Restraining food intake may be more important to women seeking to make a good impression than to men
Discussion Tip: Ask students to report on whether they’ve witnessed eating habits similar to those described. Have they witnessed other forms of eating for self-presentation concerns?

33. Homosexuality
Homosexuality challenges theories of sexuality
Most cultures condemn homosexuality
Natural selection does not support it

34. Homosexuality
EBE – Erotic becomes exotic (Bem, 1998)
Explains sexual arousal is labeled from the emotional nervousness resulting from exposure to exotic
Difficult to test and verify this theory

35. Tolerance for extramarital sex is fairly low
Extradyadic Sex
Most reliable data suggests infidelity is rare in modern Western marriages
Tolerance for extramarital sex is fairly low
Extramarital sex is a risk factor for break ups
Can not demonstrate causality
Technology Tip: The full text of Wiederman’s article is available at Look Smart (
Teaching Tip: Ask students to estimate the number of men and the number of women who report ever having engaged in extramarital sex. Then report actual results. Students may raise concerns such as reporting bias, which can produce a fruitful discussion.

36. Women’s infidelity characterized by emotional attachment to lover
Reasons for Straying
Men desire novelty
Sometimes engage in extramarital sex without complaint about their marriage
Women’s infidelity characterized by emotional attachment to lover
Usually dissatisfied with current partner
Technology Tip: David Buss offers an electronic version of his “Susceptibility to Infidelity” measure, along with several other measures, at “Evolutionary Psychology” (

37. Jealousy and Possessiveness
Cultural theory of jealousy
Product of social roles and expectations
Sexual jealousy found in every culture
Forms, expressions, and rules may vary
Society can modify jealousy but can not eliminate it

38. Jealousy and Possessiveness
Evolutionary theory of jealousy
Men – ensure they were not supporting someone else’s child
Women –if husband becomes emotionally involved with another, may withhold resources
Technology Tip: Cosmides and Tooby provide additional information on evolutionary psychology and emotions, including jealousy, at UC Santa Barbara’s Center for Evolutionary Psychology (

39. Jealousy and Possessiveness
Jealousy can focus on either sexual or emotional connections with another
Men may focus more strongly on sexual aspects than women
Teaching Tip: Pose the question from Buss et al. study (Would it be worse for the person you love to have a one-time sexual encounter with another person without any emotional involvement, or for the person you love to have a lasting, emotionally intimate relationship with member of your gender - but one that did not include sexual intercourse?) to your students, and then tally the results by sex to see if you reproduce Buss et al’s findings. (Majority – 60% - of men objected to sexual infidelity; women objected more to emotional infidelity.

40. Jealousy is a product of both the person and the situation
Causes of Jealousy
Jealousy is a product of both the person and the situation
Many suspicions of jealously are accurate
Paranoid (false) jealousy is fairly rare
Technology Tip: The television show Cheaters (cheaters.com) invites suspicious partners to contact the show, when then focuses on surveillance tactics to discover whether the suspect is guilty of infidelity.

41. Jealousy and Type of Interloper
The less of a threat from the other person, the less jealousy
Jealousy depends on how their traits compare to the third party
Both men and women are more jealous if the third party is a man rather than a woman

42. Social Reality
Social reality
Public awareness of some event
Important role in jealousy
High social reality = High jealousy
The more other people know about your partner’s infidelity, the more jealousy

43. Culture and Female Sexuality
All culture regulate sex in some ways
Cultural regulation is more directed at women
Erotic plasticity
Paternity uncertainty

44. Culture and the Double Standard
Supported more by women than men
Weaker than usually assumed

45. What Makes Us Human?
Long-term monogamous mating is more common among humans
Culture plays a role in monogamy
Culture gives permission for divorce
Culture influences love and sex
Face-to-face position is used by most people