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Chapter 11- Close Relationships: Passion, Intimacy, and Sexuality What Is Love? Different Types of Relationships Maintaining Relationships Sexuality.

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Presentation on theme: "Chapter 11- Close Relationships: Passion, Intimacy, and Sexuality What Is Love? Different Types of Relationships Maintaining Relationships Sexuality."— Presentation transcript:

1 Chapter 11- Close Relationships: Passion, Intimacy, and Sexuality What Is Love? Different Types of Relationships Maintaining Relationships Sexuality

2 Close Relationships: Passion, Intimacy, and Sexuality Princess Diana and Prince Charles People who marry live longer, healthier lives People who stay married live longer and better than those who divorce Happy marriage is an important consideration What does the research tell you about the advantages of marriage?

3 What Is Love? Passionate Love –Strong feelings of longing, desire, and excitement toward a special person Companionate Love –Mutual understanding and caring Physiological difference –Presence of PEA

4 Love and Culture Passionate love as a social construction –Romantic love is found in most cultures –Forms and expression vary by culture –Attitude varies by culture and era

5 Love Across Time Passionate love is important for starting a relationships –Exists for a brief period of time Companionate love is important for making it succeed and survive


7 Tradeoffs - Sex In and Out of Marriage Married people have sex more often, more satisfying Married people more likely indicate physical or emotional satisfaction from sex Single people spend more time at each sexual episode Single people have more sexual partners


9 Sternberg’s Triangle Passion –Emotional state with high bodily arousal Intimacy –Feeling of closeness, mutual understanding and concern Commitment –Conscious decision; remains constant


11 Different Types of Relationships Exchange relationships –More frequent in broader society –Increases societal progress and wealth Communal relationships –More frequent in close intimate relationships –More desirable, healthier, and mature

12 Attachment Bowlby –Influenced by Freudian and learning theory –Believed childhood attachment predicted adult relationships Shaver –Identified attachment styles to describe adult relationships –Anxious/Ambivalent – Secure - Avoidant


14 Attachment Theory Theory developed along two dimensions –Anxiety and Avoidance Four attachment styles –Secure attachment –Dismissing avoidant attachment –Fearful avoidant attachment –Preoccupied attachment


16 Attachment Styles Secure attachment –Low anxiety; low avoidance –Positive attitude toward others and self Preoccupied attachment (anxious/ambivalent) –Low avoidance; high anxiety –Positive attitude toward others; negative attitude toward self

17 Attachment Styles Dismissing avoidant attachment –Low anxiety; High avoidance –Negative attitude toward others; positive toward self Fearful avoidant attachment –High anxiety; High avoidance –Low opinions of self and others

18 Attachment and Sex Secure –Generally have good sex lives Preoccupied –May use sex to pull others close to them Avoidant –Have a desire for connection –May avoid sex, or use it to resist intimacy

19 Self-esteem and Love Popular belief that you need to love yourself before you can love others –Not demonstrated in theory or facts Self-esteem –Low self-esteem – may feel unlovable –High self-esteem – may feel more worthy than present partner

20 Self-Love and Loving Others Narcissists –High self-esteem; strong, unstable self-love –Harmful to relationships –Less committed to love relationships Self-acceptance –More minimal form of self-love –Linked to positive interactions

21 Maintaining Relationships Good relationships tend to stay the same over time –Popular myth that they continue to improve –Key to maintaining a good relationship is to avoid a downward spiral

22 Is Bad Stronger Than Good? Good and Bad Relationship Partners Bad interactions are stronger than good Positive interactions must occur at least five times as often as negative Reciprocity of negative behavior –Sign of a downward spiral for the relationship

23 Investment Model Three factors to explain long-term relationships –Satisfaction –Alternatives –Investments Considered together they predict the likelihood of maintaining the relationship

24 Thinking Styles of Couples Difference in terms of attribution –Relationship enhancing Good acts - internal; bad - external factors –Distress-maintaining style Good acts - external factors; bad - internal

25 Thinking Styles of Couples Optimism in the relationship –Happy couples have an idealized version of their relationship Devaluing alternatives –People in lasting relationships do not find others appealing

26 Being Yourself: Is Honesty the Best Policy? Discrepancy between idealization view and complete honesty –People in passionate love often idealize and overestimate their partners –Relationships thrive when couples retain their best behavior in front of their partner


28 Sexuality Humans form relationships based on two separate systems –Attachment system Gender neutral –Sex drive Focus on opposite sex (procreation) Love comes from attachment drive; independent of gender

29 Theories of Sexuality Social Constructionist Theories Evolutionary Theory –Gender differences based in reproductive strategies Social Exchange Theory

30 Sex and Gender Men have a stronger sex drive than women –Coolidge effect Separating sex and love –Men are more likely to seek and enjoy sex without love –Women are more likely to enjoy love without sex


32 Food for Thought Eating in Front of a Cute Guy People eat sparingly in the presence of attractive person of the opposite sex –Reduced eating correlated with desire for social acceptance Restraining food intake may be more important to women seeking to make a good impression than to men

33 Homosexuality Homosexuality challenges theories of sexuality –Most cultures condemn homosexuality –Natural selection does not support it

34 Homosexuality EBE – Erotic becomes exotic (Bem, 1998) –Explains sexual arousal is labeled from the emotional nervousness resulting from exposure to exotic Difficult to test and verify this theory

35 Extradyadic Sex Most reliable data suggests infidelity is rare in modern Western marriages Tolerance for extramarital sex is fairly low Extramarital sex is a risk factor for break ups –Can not demonstrate causality

36 Reasons for Straying Men desire novelty –Sometimes engage in extramarital sex without complaint about their marriage Women’s infidelity characterized by emotional attachment to lover –Usually dissatisfied with current partner

37 Jealousy and Possessiveness Cultural theory of jealousy –Product of social roles and expectations Sexual jealousy found in every culture –Forms, expressions, and rules may vary Society can modify jealousy but can not eliminate it

38 Jealousy and Possessiveness Evolutionary theory of jealousy –Men – ensure they were not supporting someone else’s child –Women –if husband becomes emotionally involved with another, may withhold resources

39 Jealousy and Possessiveness Jealousy can focus on either sexual or emotional connections with another Men may focus more strongly on sexual aspects than women

40 Causes of Jealousy Jealousy is a product of both the person and the situation –Many suspicions of jealously are accurate –Paranoid (false) jealousy is fairly rare

41 Jealousy and Type of Interloper The less of a threat from the other person, the less jealousy –Jealousy depends on how their traits compare to the third party Both men and women are more jealous if the third party is a man rather than a woman

42 Social Reality Social reality –Public awareness of some event –Important role in jealousy High social reality = High jealousy –The more other people know about your partner’s infidelity, the more jealousy

43 Culture and Female Sexuality All culture regulate sex in some ways Cultural regulation is more directed at women –Erotic plasticity –Paternity uncertainty

44 Culture and the Double Standard Double standard –Supported more by women than men –Weaker than usually assumed

45 What Makes Us Human? Long-term monogamous mating is more common among humans –Culture plays a role in monogamy –Culture gives permission for divorce –Culture influences love and sex Face-to-face position is used by most people

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