3The ‘Continuum of Safety’ Feeling safe - safe placeFun to feel scared - roller coaster, bunji-jump, scary movie etc.Risking on purpose - may not be fun but we want the outcomeFeeling unsafe - may not have ‘Choice, Control or Time-Limit’Early Warning Signs - our body telling us we don’t feel safe
4Unwritten Rules External - family, religion, school, media etc. The unwritten rules are social expectations and stereo-types that we encounter through our lives. Over time we may internalise them as part of our personal belief systems and they usually include the following characteristics:.External - family, religion, school, media etc.We can choose - whether to follow themChange over place and time - cultures, life styles, generationsCan be helpful - can encourage socially acceptable behaviourPossible basis of discrimination - label people/groupsContradictory - can give confusing messagesOften command language - Should, Ought, MustUnderlying heterosexual assumptions - gender roles etc.
5No Longer ‘Stranger Danger’ We need to STOP telling our children not to talk to strangers... BECAUSE they might need to talk to a stranger one day.Instead, we need to teach them which sorts of strangers are safe...e.g. A mum with kids.
6‘Tricky People’It is unlikely our children are going to be abused by a ‘weirdo’ at the park.An ‘Offender’ is going to come up to our child and introduce himself. Voila! He isn’t a stranger anymore.We need to teach our children about TRICKY PEOPLE, instead.TRICKY PEOPLE are grown-ups who ASK KIDS FOR HELP (no adult needs to ask a kid for help) or TELLS KIDS TO KEEP A SECRET FROM THEIR PARENTS (including, IT’S OKAY TO COME OVER HERE BEHIND THIS TREE WITHOUT ASKING MUM FIRST. Not asking Mum is tantamount to KEEPING A SECRET.)
8Safety Rules1. DO NOT DO ANYTHING, or GO ANYWHERE, with ANY ADULTS AT ALL, unless they can ask for your parent’s permission first.
9AT ALL??????????That’s because:It’s far more likely our child is going to be abused by someone they have a relationship with, because most cases of abuse follow long periods of grooming — both of the child and his or her family.Offenders groom us and our children to gauge whether or not we are paying attention to what they’re doing, and/or to lure us into dropping our guard.Children who Offenders think are flying under their parents’ radars, or who seem a little insecure or disconnected from their parents, are the children who are most at risk.
14‘We all have the right to feel safe all of the time.’ ‘We all - PB’s universal equal opportunities statementhave the right - not always able to exercise right to feel safeto feel safe - difference between feeling safe and being safeall of the time.’ - all times, places, people and situationsOthers have the right to feel safe with usRights and Responsibilities - Responsibility ‘to and for’Safe place - visualisation - a personal concept of safety
15‘There is nothing so awful, [or too little], that we can’t talk about it with someone we can trust’ There is nothing - absolutely no thingso awful - terrible dreadful, ghastly, disgusting, embarrassing etc.[or too little] - small, unimportant, insignificant, nothing etc.That we can’t talk about it - relief, share, embarrass, relax etc.with someone we can trust- difference talk with/talk to someone
16SO...WE NEED TO BE...Suspicious of gifts that adults in positions of authority give our kids.Suspicious of people who tell our child he is so special they want to offer him more one-on-one time, or special outings.Be wary of the adult relative who’s always out in the yard with the children and never with the grown-ups?Vigilant and keep an eye on our children.
18Building a Personal Network Talk - what talking can do for usQualities - the qualities of someone we might talk withHow to know - finding out if someone has those qualitiesWho - a comprehensive list of possible network peopleHow to contact - many different ways to contact network peopleFriend Network - 4 friends in addition to those we live with.Adult Network - 4 adults, in addition to adults we live with.
19The Seven PB’s Strategies Theme Reinforcement - visual, and verbal, role modelingOne-Step-Removed - third person, puppets, stories, picturesNetwork Review - frequent, on the spot review (available people)Persistence - keep on telling till EWS subside. If return tell againProtective Interruption - potential/actual unsafe situationRisking on Purpose - do something because we want the outcomeLanguage of Safety - quality, shared meaning, ownership, clarity