1. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Understanding temperament, personality and character to maximize your potential in life. Lynda Boutros July 2013 True Success Chaplain

2. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families

3. TEMPERAMENTS 1. Temperaments are ______ 2. Personality is ______ 3. Character is the quality of the ________________ inborn learnt craftmanship

4. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Sanguine Unassertive,Responsive Melancholic PhlegmaticCholeric Assertive,Responsive Unassertive,UnresponsiveAssertive,Unresponsive Extroverted Extroverted Extroverted IntrovertedIntroverted

5. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Choleric Strength Weaknesses Independent Achievers Fearless Loves Challenges Objective Thoughtless Cannot trust themselves to anyone Overconfident

6. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Choleric Household Item: Bulldozer crowbar

7. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Key Bible characters: Jonah Paul Choleric

8. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Key motivation: To be in control Choleric

9. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Working with Cholerics: 1.Be ______ Cholerics struggle with indecisiveness. The more information the better. 2. Don’t take abruptness ____________ For them clarity is more important than to be nice. 3. Expect that they will want some _________ 4. Keep good _____________. Expect _______ to fly your way. clear personally control boundaries gorillas Use FACT, FEELING, FORECAST for difficult conversations.

10. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families

12. Cholerics need to learn: 1.Not everyone can achieve the same ________ of _____ they do It’s easy for a choleric to write people off as low achievers. 2. _______ is just as important. Doing something in ______________ is not necessarily better. quantity work Quality “choleric time”

13. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Cholerics need to learn: 3. You can’t _______ everything. The Law of Boundaries – You have ___% control of self, _% control of others. 4.Being too _____________ looks unfriendly. Learn the art of conversation 100 control 0 task oriented

14. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Original sin for the choleric: Lack of mercy How cholerics gain power: Threats of anger

15. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Cholerics – a final word They are the hardest temperament to work with but have enormous potential to fearlessly bring about change to groups they interact with.

16. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Exercise: Share If you are choleric yourself share one aspect you identify with. If you are not very choleric identify a choleric in your life and one thing you learned about them.

17. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Melancholic StrengthsWeaknesses Analytical Detailed Gifted Thoughtful Artistic Self Sacrificing Perfectionist Critical Negative Gloomy Fearful Inflexible

18. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Melancholic Household Item: Magnifying Glass Blanket

19. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Key Bible Characters: Moses Elijah David Melancholic

20. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Key Motivation: To manipulate you to feel 1. ____________ or 2. ___________________ sorry for them exactly what they feel Melancholic

21. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Working with Melancholics: 1. Understand the motivation behind the emotion. It all focuses on ____ 2. Stay objective. Resist being __________ by their feelings. Make sure your decisions are based on _____. 3. Be ready for _________ and ________ self controlled facts high highs low lows

22. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Melancholics need to learn: 1. Not to let emotions lead them to_______ It’s easy for mels to get __________ with themselves 2. To take responsibility for their own ________ No ______ games self pity absorbed feelingsblame

23. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Melancholics need to learn: 3. To be ________ about new _____ Instinctive reaction is “____” 4. To _____________ Too often this temperament takes things ___________ positiveideas toughen up personally NO

24. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Melancholics need to learn: 4. To _____________ Too often this temperament takes things ___________ In the face of rejection, tell yourself “Their ________” toughen up personally loss

25. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Original sin for the Melancholic: Hypercritical, Holding grudges How Melancholics gain power: Threaten bad moods

26. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Melancholics – a final word The Melancholic is the most spiritually sensitive temperament, easy to teach and quick to respond to input. They have a huge capacity to love and serve and make incredibly faithful friends.

27. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Exercise: What would Cholerics struggle with most in your job? What would Mels struggle with most in your job? What Choleric/Mel strengths would be helpful in your job?

28. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Phlegmatic StrengthsWeaknesses Placid Easy Going Cruisy Flexible Neat and Methodical Slow Stubborn Lazy No initiative Low energy

29. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Phlegmatic Household Item: Beanbag

30. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Key Bible characters: Pharaoh Abraham Phlegmatic

31. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Key Motivation – Avoiding __________________ To avoid __________________ at all costs, usually by avoiding hard work or _________ others to do it instead. change and conflict exerting themselves waiting for

32. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Working with Phlegmatics: 1. Don’t do what they can do for themselves. Think ________ (responsibilities) 2.Insist on ______ before before you help. Remember a phlegmatic goal is to get _______ to take their monkey! 3.Keep things simple, clear & immediate. Why? Because Phlegs are naturally _____and ________________ monkeys others slowlacking initiative effort

33. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Working with Phlegmatics: 4. Don’t react when you’re emotional, frustrated or angry. __________ is one of the phlegmatics primary traits so they don’t respond at all. Objectivity

34. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Phlegmatics need to learn: 1. ____________ is wrong The most frequent accusation of the Israelites is that they were ___________ and stubborn, leading to hard hearts. 2. ____ is necessary at times. _____ is the preferable speed for Phlegs Stubbornness stiff necked Fast slow

35. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Phlegmatics need to learn: 3. If it takes ____________ or less, do it now. No procrastinating....especially with ______ 60 seconds emails

36. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Original sin for the phlegmatic: Laziness How phlegmatics gain power: procrastination (Prov 6:6 sluggard and the ant)

37. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Phlegmatics – a final word The Phlegmatic is easiest to get on with, cool under pressure and in a crisis but the hardest to coax out of their Original sin. They’re not “in your face” but left to their own devices, life could be a series of missed opportunities and unreached potential.

38. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Sanguine StrengthsWeaknesses Fun Positive outgoing Weak willed disorganised

39. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Sanguine Household Item: TV

40. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Key Motivation – To be ____ by all. liked Sanguine

41. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Original Sin of a Sanguine: Distorting the truth to the point of lying

42. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Understand the motivation behind Lying: To avoid conflict at all costs: 1. Keep out of trouble 2. Avoid hurting feelings 3. Win approval

43. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Sanguines don’t see their habit as lying, but rather: Half truths Omission of facts Twisting facts Exaggeration Forgetting facts

44. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Key Bible characters: Peter Proverbs 12:2 Proverbs 6:16-19 Proverbs 12:19 Verses:

45. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Working with Sanguines 1.Avoid forcing them to ___. Make it easy for them to say ____ 2.Remember the picture painted is always _______ than reality. 3.Expect to be their best _____ (at least when you are there.) lie no friend brighter

46. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Sanguines need to learn: 1.Lying destroys others’ _____ (and Sanguines want others’ approval!) 2.They cannot always be the centre of _________ 3.Not to make rash _________ or _________ trust attention decisions promises

47. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Sanguines - a final word Sanguines find it hard to remain focused on the truth… or anything apart from people. Sanguines make work a fun place to be….anything is a hoot. They are the necessary social lubricants in a group.

48. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Motivation How controls Most Susceptible weakness Choleric Bulldozer / Crowbar Control Melancholic Blanket / Mag glass Feelings Phlegmatic Beanbag Laid back Sanguine Television Liked

49. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Motivation How controls Most Susceptible weakness Choleric Bulldozer / Crowbar Control Anger Melancholic Blanket / Mag glass Feelings Phlegmatic Beanbag Laid back Sanguine Television Liked

50. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Motivation How controls Most Susceptible weakness Choleric Bulldozer / Crowbar Control Anger Melancholic Blanket / Mag glass FeelingsMoods Phlegmatic Beanbag Laid back Sanguine Television Liked

51. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Motivation How controls Most Susceptible weakness Choleric Bulldozer / Crowbar Control Anger Melancholic Blanket / Mag glass FeelingsMoods Phlegmatic Beanbag Laid backProcrast- ination Sanguine Television Liked

52. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Motivation How controls Most Susceptible weakness Choleric Bulldozer / Crowbar Control Anger Melancholic Blanket / Mag glass FeelingsMoods Phlegmatic Beanbag Laid backProcrast- ination Sanguine Television LikedCharm

53. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Motivation How controls Most Susceptible weakness Choleric Bulldozer / Crowbar Control AngerLack of Mercy Melancholic Blanket / Mag glass FeelingsMoods Phlegmatic Beanbag Laid backProcrast- ination Sanguine Television LikedCharm

54. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Motivation How controls Most Susceptible weakness Choleric Bulldozer / Crowbar Control AngerLack of Mercy Melancholic Blanket / Mag glass FeelingsMoodsHyper Critical Phlegmatic Beanbag Laid backProcrast- ination Sanguine Television LikedCharm

55. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Motivation How controls Most Susceptible weakness Choleric Bulldozer / Crowbar Control AngerLack of Mercy Melancholic Blanket / Mag glass FeelingsMoodsHyper Critical Phlegmatic Beanbag Laid backProcrast- ination Lazy Sanguine Television LikedCharm

56. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Motivation How controls Most Susceptible weakness Choleric Bulldozer / Crowbar Control AngerLack of Mercy Melancholic Blanket / Mag glass FeelingsMoodsHyper Critical Phlegmatic Beanbag Laid backProcrast- ination Lazy Sanguine Television LikedCharmLying

57. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families Which one or two temperaments do you identify most with? Identify a person you know that display the positive temperament traits in each category.

58. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families The Karpman Drama Triangle Persecutor Victim Rescuer

59. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families The Karpman Drama Triangle Persecutor Victim Rescuer This is your fault You’re not OK but I am so do what I tell you You need my help You’re not OK but I am nice and will fix you Poor me. I give up. I’m not OK and everybody else is Unhealthy messages

60. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families The Karpman Drama Triangle Persecutor Victim Rescuer Driven by anger and resentment Bossy Dominating Critical Blames Gives support when doesn’t want to Says yes instead of no Feels guilty/anxious if not rescuing Rescuing creates identity/sense of capability Feels ashamed, powerless, incapable Finds rescuers to validate above feelings Refuses to make decisions, solve problems or get professional help Motivation for unhealthy messages

61. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families The Karpman Drama Triangle Persecutor Challenger Victim Survivor Rescuer Coach Use clear boundaries “I can listen for 10 mins” Use clear expectations “Please have this done by Tuesday” Give clear choices “I won’t be able to help at all if it’s not done by Tuesday Use clear support “I know you are capable” Have clear boundaries “You don’t need me for this. I know you can do this” Know your limits “I can listen for 10 mins” Give clear choices “I have 10 mins now or you can call back next Tuesday” A healthier pattern Use problem solving State what you want Keep agreements & follow through Know you are stronger than you think. http://solutionsforresilience.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Stop-the-Drama1.jpg

62. www.truesuccess.com.au Building better workplaces, education, families