Presentation on theme: "Wednesday night seminar. the three week plan Tonight - Discuss first 3 chapters Parent your teen as if he or she is a child Treat your teen as if he or."— Presentation transcript:
the three week plan Tonight - Discuss first 3 chapters Parent your teen as if he or she is a child Treat your teen as if he or she is an adult Be inflexible with rules January 11th - Discuss Chapters 4 - 6 Expect your teen to be perfect in everything Take responsibility for your teens behavior Work hard at making your teen your friend January 18th - Discuss Chapters 7 - 10 Provide your teen with everything he or she wants Make your teen the primary focus of your home Allow your teen to argue with your or show disrespect Take responsibility for your teens spirituality and faith
question of the year Why is it so hard to parent teenagers? All teenagers are essentially crazy. - Israel Galindo
question of the year Psychometric Assessment Assesses cognition, reasoning, logic, and critical thinking skills in adults Teens test like a psychotic subject - someone out of touch with reality and doesnt have the capacity for rational thought
question of the year So...are all teens insane? Parenting teens is so difficult - because they dont think/reason like adults. They think/reason like TEENAGERS! Teens cant: Anticipate natural consequences of actions Reason like adults Understand that certain rules that govern everyone else on the planet dont apply to them personally!
3 truths of parenting teens 1. Teens are in transition from childhood to adulthood. Your relationship with your teen needs to transition as well: from parenting to coaching and challenging. 2. Parenting mistakes happen. They are not detrimental to parent or teen. NO PARENT IS PERFECT. Dont try to pretend youve got it all down or that your child does either! Occasional mistakes do not shape us. Consistent patterns of relationships determine personality, attitude, outlook, and behavior. 3. Parents do matter to their teenagers! Teens are watching, listening, and learning from parents - whether you believe it or not. Doesnt mean we must do everything right. Although times can be exhausting, giving up is not the answer either.
best way to ruin your teen Parent your teen as if he or she is a child... Parenting is over by the time a child is seven. Parenting in this definition is - giving a child things which he or she cannot get from anywhere or anyone else.
as if he or she is a child Consider these facts: He will have learned over half what he will learn in his life She will have acquired her basic sense of self He will have acquired his basic orientation to the world She will have acquired the basic prejudices she will carry the rest of her life He will have attained his basic level of self-esteem
as if he or she is a child Consider these facts: She will have been inculcated with the basic values that will inform most of her life and influence most of her life decisions He will have developed his basic faith orientation She will have achieved her basic sexual and gender orientation
as if he or she is a child The Rule to Follow: Change your parental posture. Coach and challenge your teen. These two postures allow teaching values and principles about relationships while still letting the teen make their own decisions as they go.
best way to ruin your teen Treat your teen as if he or she is an adult... Teenagers need boundaries and this behavior will allow them too much freedom too fast. We ascribe more maturity and competence to our children than they usually actually deserve.
as if he or she is an adult Teens think differently for two reasons: Victims of developmental egocentricity Trouble seeing themselves in other peoples shoes According to recent brain research, it takes the brain longer to mature than previously thought. Rules apply to me There are serious consequences when I break them
as if he or she is an adult The Rule to Follow: Your teen is an emerging adult who needs YOU to provide boundaries, limits, and a principled example. Not only are you legally responsible for them, they are still responsible to you, as their parent. Setting limits is appropriate and necessary for their well-being.
best way to ruin your teen Be inflexible with rules... Our goal for teens is to guide them to self-sufficiency and self-discipline. We ascribe more maturity and competence to our children than they usually actually deserve.
Be inflexible with rules At this stage, the reason for the rules, are more important than the rules themselves. Teens will challenge the rules - All my friends parents say its ok. You know better than your teen...but they must understand the reasoning behind the way we do things in our family.
be inflexible with rules It is important to be clear about your standards. Your teen will not always agree...make your values known. Teens need to constantly hear why you believe a rule is particularly relevant in a given situation. Principles allow flexibility; rules provide constraint. Am I doing the right thing?
be inflexible with rules The Rule to Follow: Increase the level of freedom you allow your teenager as it is earned, but coupled with increased responsibility.