1. Unit 4 Seminar Body Language and Nonverbal Communication

2. Importance of Nonverbal Communication Up to 85% of communication is nonverbal! What you NOTICE can greatly help you understand the other person and navigate discussion accordingly

3. OBSERVATION SKILLS ARE IMPORTANT, BECAUSE…  Verbals can be contrasted by nonverbals (incongruency) which reveal the other person’s true feelings…  Verbals can be contrasted by nonverbals (incongruency) which reveal the other person’s true feelings… …or supported by nonverbals (congruency) which accentuate the person’s feelings …or supported by nonverbals (congruency) which accentuate the person’s feelings Observation can help you bridge individual, cultural, and/or gender differences Observation can help you bridge individual, cultural, and/or gender differences

4. Nonverbal communication cues can play five roles: Repetition: they can repeat the message the person is making verbally Repetition: they can repeat the message the person is making verbally Contradiction: they can contradict a message the individual is trying to convey Contradiction: they can contradict a message the individual is trying to convey Substitution: they can substitute for a verbal message. For example, a person's eyes can often convey a far more vivid message than words and often do Substitution: they can substitute for a verbal message. For example, a person's eyes can often convey a far more vivid message than words and often do Complementing: they may add to or complement a verbal message. A boss who pats a person on the back in addition to giving praise can increase the impact of the message Complementing: they may add to or complement a verbal message. A boss who pats a person on the back in addition to giving praise can increase the impact of the message Accenting: they may accent or underline a verbal message. Pounding the table, for example, can underline a message. Accenting: they may accent or underline a verbal message. Pounding the table, for example, can underline a message.

5. Nonverbal communication and body language in relationships It takes more than words to create fulfilling, strong relationships. Nonverbal communication has a huge impact on the quality of our relationships. Nonverbal communication skills improve relationships by helping you: It takes more than words to create fulfilling, strong relationships. Nonverbal communication has a huge impact on the quality of our relationships. Nonverbal communication skills improve relationships by helping you: Accurately read other people, including the emotions they’re feeling and the unspoken messages they’re sending. Accurately read other people, including the emotions they’re feeling and the unspoken messages they’re sending. Create trust and transparency in relationships by sending nonverbal signals that match up with your words. Create trust and transparency in relationships by sending nonverbal signals that match up with your words. Respond with nonverbal cues that show others that you understand, notice, and care. Respond with nonverbal cues that show others that you understand, notice, and care.

6. For discussion When you picture people you talk to on the telephone, through email or in newsgroups (such as in your Kaplan class) before meeting them face to face, does your expectation of how they will look usually turn out to be accurate? When you picture people you talk to on the telephone, through email or in newsgroups (such as in your Kaplan class) before meeting them face to face, does your expectation of how they will look usually turn out to be accurate?

7. Types of nonverbal communication and body language Facial expressions Facial expressions Body movements and posture Body movements and posture Gestures Gestures Eye contact Eye contact Touch Touch Space Space Voice Voice

8. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it Intensity. A reflection of the amount of energy you project is considered your intensity. Again, this has as much to do with what feels good to the other person as what you personally prefer. Intensity. A reflection of the amount of energy you project is considered your intensity. Again, this has as much to do with what feels good to the other person as what you personally prefer. Timing and pace. Your ability to be a good listener and communicate interest and involvement is impacted by timing and pace. Timing and pace. Your ability to be a good listener and communicate interest and involvement is impacted by timing and pace. Sounds that convey understanding. Sounds such as “ahhh, ummm, ohhh,” uttered with congruent eye and facial gestures, communicate understanding and emotional connection. More than words, these sounds are the language of interest, understanding and compassion. Sounds that convey understanding. Sounds such as “ahhh, ummm, ohhh,” uttered with congruent eye and facial gestures, communicate understanding and emotional connection. More than words, these sounds are the language of interest, understanding and compassion.

9. For discussion How are nonverbal cues displayed in computer mediated communication (emails and newsgroups)? How are nonverbal cues displayed in computer mediated communication (emails and newsgroups)?

10. What To Observe In The Other Person’s Nonverbal Communication

11. Notice Body Language

12. How to Use Body Language Effectively USE : Mirroring Mirroring assume posture and movements of other person assume posture and movements of other person Pacing: Pacing: start with mirroring, then move to more positive posture/movement start with mirroring, then move to more positive posture/movementOBSERVE: When movement is synchronous When movement is synchronous mirroring one another’s movements mirroring one another’s movements When movement is complementary: When movement is complementary: harmonious movements harmonious movements When movement is dissynchronous When movement is dissynchronous differing movements that might show conflict differing movements that might show conflict

13. Notice Facial Expression incongruent smiling incongruent smiling look of confusion or being lost look of confusion or being lost expressionless or flat affect expressionless or flat affect affect demonstrating various moods or emotions affect demonstrating various moods or emotions blood flow changes (e.g. blushing or growing pale) blood flow changes (e.g. blushing or growing pale) avoiding eye contact, inconsistent eye contact, or intense staring avoiding eye contact, inconsistent eye contact, or intense staring grimacing, frowning grimacing, frowning eyes welling up eyes welling up tightening of lips tightening of lips agreement, understanding, connection, excitement agreement, understanding, connection, excitement

14. Notice Eye Movements Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) suggests that there is a link between the way our eyes move and the way we think In NLP, eye movements are known as eye accessing cues—they enable us to access certain information In NLP, eye movements are known as eye accessing cues—they enable us to access certain information Noticing eye movements can help us to understand how a person relates to the world—i.e. visually, auditorily, or kinesthetically—and communicate with them according to THEIR representational systems Noticing eye movements can help us to understand how a person relates to the world—i.e. visually, auditorily, or kinesthetically—and communicate with them according to THEIR representational systems

15. Eye Accessing Cues Looking up, or defocusing, usually represents visual accessing Looking up, or defocusing, usually represents visual accessing Looking sideways usually represents auditory accessing Looking sideways usually represents auditory accessing Looking down to the right (your left as you face the person) usually Looking down to the right (your left as you face the person) usually represents kinesthetic accessing Looking down to the left (your right as you face the person) usually represents an internal dialogue Looking down to the left (your right as you face the person) usually represents an internal dialogue

16. Applying accessing cues For those visually accessing, respond in terms of SEEING For those visually accessing, respond in terms of SEEING “This is how you see it…” “This is how you see it…” “I see what you mean” “I see what you mean” For those auditorily accessing, respond in terms of HEARING For those auditorily accessing, respond in terms of HEARING “It sounds like you aren’t happy with that grade” “It sounds like you aren’t happy with that grade” “I hear what you’re saying” “I hear what you’re saying” For those kinesthetically accessing, respond in terms of FEELING For those kinesthetically accessing, respond in terms of FEELING “That must feel awful” “That must feel awful” “I feel happy for you” “I feel happy for you”

17. For discussion What do nonverbal cues such as typos, slang, spelling errors, incomplete sentences, and poor sentence structure communicate to the receiver about the sender? What do nonverbal cues such as typos, slang, spelling errors, incomplete sentences, and poor sentence structure communicate to the receiver about the sender?

18. Improving your nonverbal communication skills Video camera – Videotape a conversation between you and a partner. Set the camera to record both of you at the same time, so you can observe the nonverbal back-and-forth. When you watch the recording, focus on any discrepancies between your verbal and nonverbal communication. Video camera – Videotape a conversation between you and a partner. Set the camera to record both of you at the same time, so you can observe the nonverbal back-and-forth. When you watch the recording, focus on any discrepancies between your verbal and nonverbal communication. Digital camera – Ask someone to take a series of photos of you while you’re talking to someone else. As you look through the photos, focus on you and the other person’s body language, facial expressions, and gestures. Digital camera – Ask someone to take a series of photos of you while you’re talking to someone else. As you look through the photos, focus on you and the other person’s body language, facial expressions, and gestures. Audio recorder – Record a conversation between you and a friend or family member. As you listen to the recording afterwards, concentrate on the way things are said, rather than the words. Pay attention to tone, timing, pace, and other sounds. Audio recorder – Record a conversation between you and a friend or family member. As you listen to the recording afterwards, concentrate on the way things are said, rather than the words. Pay attention to tone, timing, pace, and other sounds.

19. Tips for successful nonverbal communication: Take a time out if you’re feeling overwhelmed by stress. Stress compromises your ability to communicate. When you’re stressed out, you’re more likely to misread other people, send off confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk patterns of behavior. Take a moment to calm down before you jump back into the conversation. Once you’ve regained your emotional equilibrium, you’ll be better equipped to deal with the situation in a positive way. Take a time out if you’re feeling overwhelmed by stress. Stress compromises your ability to communicate. When you’re stressed out, you’re more likely to misread other people, send off confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk patterns of behavior. Take a moment to calm down before you jump back into the conversation. Once you’ve regained your emotional equilibrium, you’ll be better equipped to deal with the situation in a positive way. Pay attention to inconsistencies. Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said. If you get the feeling that someone isn’t being honest or that something is “off,” you may be picking up on a mismatch between verbal and nonverbal cues. Is the person is saying one thing, and their body language something else? For example, are they telling you “yes” while shaking their head no? Pay attention to inconsistencies. Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said. If you get the feeling that someone isn’t being honest or that something is “off,” you may be picking up on a mismatch between verbal and nonverbal cues. Is the person is saying one thing, and their body language something else? For example, are they telling you “yes” while shaking their head no? Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Don’t read too much into a single gesture or nonverbal cue. Consider all of the nonverbal signals you are sending and receiving, from eye contact to tone of voice and body language. Are your nonverbal cues consistent—or inconsistent— with what you are trying to communicate? Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Don’t read too much into a single gesture or nonverbal cue. Consider all of the nonverbal signals you are sending and receiving, from eye contact to tone of voice and body language. Are your nonverbal cues consistent—or inconsistent— with what you are trying to communicate?

20. SOME CULTURAL DIFFERENCES

21. Eye Contact and Gaze Western cultures: Direct eye contact seen as positive Direct eye contact seen as positive Differs for some races Differs for some races African American—more eye contact when talking, less when listening African American—more eye contact when talking, less when listening Anglo Americans—often the opposite Anglo Americans—often the opposite Prolonged eye contact may be seen as sexual interest Prolonged eye contact may be seen as sexual interest Arabic cultures: Prolonged eye contact is common Prolonged eye contact is common Shows interest Shows interest Helps them understand truthfulness Helps them understand truthfulness Japan, African, Latin American, & Caribbean cultures: Avoid eye contact to show respect Avoid eye contact to show respect

22. Facial Expressions Many Asian cultures: Suppress facial expression as much as possible Many Mediterranean cultures Exaggerate grief or sadness Most American men Hide grief and sorrow

23. Touch Western Cultures Handshake is common Handshake is common Hugs, kisses for those of opposite gender, family Hugs, kisses for those of opposite gender, family Some differences between African American & Anglo Americans Some differences between African American & Anglo Americans Islamic/Hindu cultures Typically don’t touch with left hand Typically don’t touch with left hand Generally don’t touch between genders; with same sexes is appropriate Generally don’t touch between genders; with same sexes is appropriate Common to see two men or two women holding hands (friendship) Common to see two men or two women holding hands (friendship) Many Asian cultures Don’t touch the head because it houses the soul Don’t touch the head because it houses the soul Latino, Middle-Eastern, & Jewish cultures Touch is okay—emotion encouraged Touch is okay—emotion encouraged Opposite-sex handshakes acceptable; usually same-sex Opposite-sex handshakes acceptable; usually same-sex English, German, Scandinavian, Chinese & Japanese cultures Do not subscribe to overt displays of affection Do not subscribe to overt displays of affection

24. Posture Bowing Bowing Not done, criticized, or affected in US Not done, criticized, or affected in US Shows rank in Japan Shows rank in Japan Slouching Slouching Rude in most Northern European areas Rude in most Northern European areas Hands in pocket Hands in pocket Disrespectful in Turkey Disrespectful in Turkey Sitting with legs crossed Sitting with legs crossed Offensive in Ghana, Turkey Offensive in Ghana, Turkey Showing the soles of feet Showing the soles of feet Distasteful in Thailand, Saudi Arabia Distasteful in Thailand, Saudi Arabia

25. Personal Space In this picture we see a woman's reactions as her personal space is invaded by three other people. What will happen? In this picture we see a woman's reactions as her personal space is invaded by three other people. What will happen?

26. a. She will ask them to sit somewhere else a. She will ask them to sit somewhere else She will ask them to sit somewhere else She will ask them to sit somewhere else b. She will stare at the space "invaders" defiantly, but she will not move b. She will stare at the space "invaders" defiantly, but she will not moveShe will stare at the space "invaders" defiantly, but she will not moveShe will stare at the space "invaders" defiantly, but she will not move c. She will leave, saying nothing to the three people who invaded her personal space c. She will leave, saying nothing to the three people who invaded her personal space. She will leave, saying nothing to the three people who invaded her personal space. She will leave, saying nothing to the three people who invaded her personal space

27. Appearance and Self-Image This man comes from a culture where HEAVIER women are seen as more attractive. Can you guess where he comes from? This man comes from a culture where HEAVIER women are seen as more attractive. Can you guess where he comes from?

28. a. Jamaica b. New Guinea c. Ivory Coast a. Jamaica b. New Guinea c. Ivory CoastJamaicaNew GuineaIvory CoastJamaicaNew GuineaIvory Coast

29. While traveling in another country, this American woman stayed with a local family. She was honored by being served the 'best part' of the dinner: a bowl of solid, coagulated chicken blood. Can you guess the country she was visiting? While traveling in another country, this American woman stayed with a local family. She was honored by being served the 'best part' of the dinner: a bowl of solid, coagulated chicken blood. Can you guess the country she was visiting?

30. a. Greenland b. Vietnam c. Uruguay a. Greenland b. Vietnam c. UruguayGreenlandVietnamUruguayGreenlandVietnamUruguay

31. Can you guess the meaning of this Japanese gesture? Can you guess the meaning of this Japanese gesture?

32. a. I'm scared like a bunny b. I've been hearing things about you c. I'm angry a. I'm scared like a bunny b. I've been hearing things about you c. I'm angryI'm scared like a bunnyI've been hearing things about youI'm angryI'm scared like a bunnyI've been hearing things about youI'm angry

33. In this picture, an experienced flight attendant demonstrates a facial expression she uses at work. Is she performing genuine warmth, or is it concealed irritation? In this picture, an experienced flight attendant demonstrates a facial expression she uses at work. Is she performing genuine warmth, or is it concealed irritation?

34. a. Genuine Warmth b. Concealed Irritation a. Genuine Warmth b. Concealed IrritationGenuine WarmthConcealed IrritationGenuine WarmthConcealed Irritation