1. Communicating with Your Kids: A Proactive Approach for Discipline
Bette Nix,
Behavior Interventionist
Shelby County Schools

2. If a child doesn’t read, we TEACH If a child doesn’t swim, we TEACH
If a child doesn’t multiply, we TEACH
If a child doesn’t drive, we TEACH
If a child doesn’t behave, we….uh…
TEACH? PUNISH?

3. Inappropriate Behavior
Inappropriate behaviors can violate the rights of others or jeopardize safety.
They are self-defeating or self-damaging and contrary to the requirement of the situation.
All behavior has a purpose (function)!!!!

4. Why do students/adults have inappropriate behavior?
Attention (negative/positive)
Anxiety
Acceptance/Affiliation
Self Expression
Anger
Frustration
Sadness
To save face
Task avoidance
Gratification
Justice/Revenge
Medical issues
Unknown

5. What do you think children may gain from the problem behaviors?
Attention? What kind of attention? From whom?
Avoid an apparently difficult or boring activity?
Avoid teacher interaction?
Get control of a situation?
Avoid embarrassment in front of peers?

6. Does the “why” matter?
When children have challenging behaviors, we do not always know why.
Even when we do, we may not be able to change the cause, but we can still work with the behavior.

7. PROACTIVE?
REACTIVE?

8. Focus on Proactive Interventions
Proactive Strategies
Take place before an event occurs, usually based on previous experience or learning.
Reactive Strategies
Take place after an event or stimulus, usually in opposition to a force or influence.

9. Typical (REACTIVE) Discipline Strategies
Re-direction
Talking to child
Screaming at child
Time-out
Taking away a privilege/grounding
Make threats
Corporal Punishment

10. Immediate & seductive solution….”Get Tough!”
Clamp down & increase monitoring
Re-re-re-review rules
Extend continuum & consistency of consequences
Establish “bottom line”
...Predictable individual response

11. Ways to Escalate Inappropriate Behaviors
Raising your voice!
Intruding into the student’s personal space
Using sarcasm
Threatening
Lecturing
Nagging
Arguing with the student
Having the last word
Creating a power struggle!!!

12. Discipline vs. Punishment
Emphasizes power
Not always directly related to the behavior
Implies moral judgment
Coercive
Threatens loss
Discipline
Emphasis on realities of social order
Logically related to behavior
Separates deed from doer
Treats child with dignity
Emphasizes care, support, and love

13. Results we can expect Punishment Fear Rebellion Sneakiness Self-doubt
Resentment
Desire for revenge
Discipline
Security
Cooperation
Responsibility
Self-discipline
Resourcefulness
Desire for conciliation

14. Be proactive,
not reactive

15. Establishing an Environment for Positive Behavior
Try to understand what the behavior is communicating (the underlying need)
Be firm, but always be fair
Fair doesn’t mean same
Don’t try to be a friend to your child
Be the adult
Work on becoming more consistent
Separate the child and the behavior

16. Encourage independence through problem solving
Avoid feeling sorry for the child
Show empathy
Do not be concerned about the “right” discipline technique
Recognize who owns the problem

17. If discipline is needed, refuse to fight or argue
Encourage responsibility from the child
Be sure expectations are clearly explained
If discipline is needed, refuse to fight or argue

18. Kids aren’t born “instant students”
Think About This
Kids aren’t born “instant students”
We can’t assume they know how to act the way
we want them to act. The behavior we want needs to
first be taught to them.

19. Just as we teach math skills before we
expect them to perform math, so must
we teach basic behavior skills before
we can expect them to have those
skills.

20. Teaching Appropriate Behaviors
Shape the behavior through instruction, practice and correction.
Praise should be given for successive approximations, increase expectations and thus praise, fading supports

21. Silence is your most powerful tool
Silence is your most powerful tool!!! We talk to our children too much in regards to inappropriate behavior.
When verbal instruction is needed, lower your voice, give clear, concise instructions and restore order.
Be brief, simple and provide choices.

22. Students with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
Create an environment with predictability and stability.
Clearly define areas to promote organization. Avoid overcrowding. Use care where distracting areas are placed.
Give clear cues to your child.
Keep work periods short and break assignments into manageable tasks.

23. Students Engaging in Disruptive Behavior
Students may be disrupting to gain attention, power/control, gain revenge, or project an image of inadequacy.

24. Students that Seem to Exhibit Low Self-Esteem
Set a warm, supportive tone.
Consider the impact of your actions on your child.*****
Offer praise that is genuine and specific.
Bolster the child’s academic skills for success.
Assist the child in gaining an understanding of his/her strengths and weaknesses.
Teach the child positive self-talk.
Take the child’s questions seriously.
Create opportunities for the child to feel important.

25. Closed Fist, Open Hand, or Apathy
Choices for You
Closed Fist, Open Hand, or Apathy

26. What creates the up-tight closed fist feeling?
Stress/Tension
Feeling overwhelmed
Traffic
Administration/ Teachers/Children
Perfectionism
Students/Adults not doing what is expected
Money
Anger
Fear
Too much to do
Standing in line
Difficult students
The need for control
Other???????

27. What creates the open-handed feeling?
Exercise
Spending time with family
Reading
Singing
Rest/Enough Sleep
Forgiveness
Compassion/ Empathy/Patience/Love/Trust
Other?????

28. How do getting enough sleep, getting enough exercise and doing things you enjoy impact how you might deal with a crisis situation?

29. Take Care of Yourself

30. Health Levels
Healthy
Unhealthy

31. The Unwanted Cycle Unmet Need Behavior Our Response
Only dealing with the behavior or dealing with the behavior first, creates a cycle and the behavior will continue
MCS developed by Glenwood, Inc.

32. …and then we shall find the way.
Determine the thing that can and shall be done…
…and then we shall find the way.
-- Abraham Lincoln

33. It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.
Frederick Douglass

34. We worry about what a child will be tomorrow
yet we forget that he or she is someone today.  
--Stacia Tausher

35. just not on the same day or the same way. Every student can learn,
-- George Evans.

36. Will you be the rock that redirects the course of the river?
-- Claire Nuer.

37. Questions & Answers