1. Creating Respective Relationship in Homes and Schools
Positive Parenting
Royal international Language Schools
Creating Respective Relationship in Homes and Schools

2. What do you want for your children?

3. Mistakes are opportunities to learn
Morning hassles Work ethics, time management Fighting Conflict resolution Temper tantrums Communication skills Lying, stealing, Courage, responsibility cheating

4. What have you tried?

5. Mr. Punishment

6. Long term results of Punishment
Resentment: “This is unfair”
“I can’t trust adults”
Rebellion: “They can’t make me”
“I’ll do what I want”
Revenge: “I’ll get even and hurt back,
even if it hurts me”
Retreat:
Low self-esteem: “I must be a bad person”
Sneaky: “I just won’t get caught next time”

7. What else is there?

8. Kind AND Firm Validate feeling, show understanding. and follow through
I know you want to stay with your friend, And it’s time to go.
I know you would rather watch T.V than do your homework, and the homework needs to be done.
I know you don’t want to pick up your toys, and what was our agreement.
You don’t want to go to bed, and it’s time to sleep. Do you want 1 or 2 stories once you put on your pajamas?
I know you don’t want to brush your teeth, and we’ll do it together? What to race?

9. Competent Giant

10. When we know better, Why don’t we always do better. What happens
When we know better, Why don’t we always do better? What happens? How does our brain work?

11. When our kids misbehave
We become AFRAID that:
They will be “monsters forever.” We cannot
We are “not doing our job.” think
“children will get away with it.” rationally

12. What do you think this child thinks, feels and decides?
Punitive time out
Naughty corner
What do you think this child thinks, feels and decides?

13. Children do better when they feel better

14. To help your child cool off; you need to cool off first
To help your child cool off; you need to cool off first. What can help you cool off ?

15. Cooling off time
What do you think this child thinks, feels and decides?

16. My Child won’t listen “كام مرة قلت لك ...”

17. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM YOUR CHILD?
Asking Vs. Telling
Asking creates a process of thinking and searching in the brain.
Curiosity questions invites cooperation, and the child feels capable.
Telling stagnates thinking.
Telling creates physiological resistance in the body.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM YOUR CHILD?

18. 5 Criteria of Positive Discipline
Respectful.
Helps the child to feel belonging and significance.
Effective long-term.
Teaches life-skills.
Empowers.

19. There isn’t any parenting tool that works every time for every child
There isn’t any parenting tool that works every time for every child. That’s why you need many of them.

20. Belonging and Significance
Nurture
Help the child feel
Belonging and Significance
Help him blossom
You can guarantee to do your best,
but you can’t guarantee the results!

21. Feelings

22. Using feelings effectively

25. Belief behind the behavior
The child tries to find the answers for 3 questions:
Who am I?
What the world looks like?
What should I do to survive and thrive? (how to belong and be significant?)
Then he sends us a coded message….

26. Break the Code

27. I belong when I’m noticed
Child Belief
Reminding doing things
I will keep them busy
Adult Behavior
Who should break the cycle?
Child Goal
Annoyed, worried, guilty
Adult Feeling
Child Behavior
Keeps asking for things

28. Mistaken Goal Chart
Parent/teacher proactive and empowering responses include:
Coded messages
The belief behind the child’s behavior is:
And if thechild’s response is:
And tends to react by:
If the parent /teacher feels:
The Child’s goal is:
Redirect by involving child in a useful task to gain useful attention.
Ignore (touch without words)
Say what you will do. “I love you and ” (Example: I care about you and will spend time with you later.)
Avoid special service.
Have faith in child to deal with feelings (don’t fix or rescue ).
Plan special time.
Set up routines.
Engage child in problem-solving.
Use family/class meetings.
Set up non-verbal signals.
Notice Me – Involve Me Usefully
I count (belong) only when I’m being noticed or getting special service. I’m only important when I’m keeping you busy with me.
Stops temporarily but later resumes same or another disturbing behavior
Reminding Coaxing Doing things for the child he/she could do for him/her self
Annoyed Irritated Worried Guilty
Undue Attention (to keep others busy or to get special service)
Redirect to Positive power
By asking for help
Offer limited choices
Don’t fight and don’t give in: withdraw from conflict.
Be firm and kind.
Act, don’t talk.
Decide what you will do.
Let routines be the boss.
Leave and calm down.
Develop mutual respect.
Set a few reasonable limits.
Practice follow-through
Let Me Help- Give Me Choices
I belong only when I’m boss, in control, or proving no one can boss me. You can’t make me.
Intensifies behavior Defiant compliance Feels he/she’s won when parent/teacher is upset Passive Power
Fighting Giving in Thinking “You can’t get away with it” or “I’ll make you” wanting to be right
Challenged Threatened Defeated
Misguided Power (to be boss)
Acknowledge hurt feelings.
Avoid feeling hurt.
Avoid punishment and retaliation.
Build trust.
Use reflective listening.
Share your feelings.
Make amends.
Show you care.
Encourage strengths.
Put kids in same boat.
I’m Hurting-Validate My Feelings
I don’t think I belong so I’ll hurt others as I feel hurt. I can’t be liked or loved.
Retaliates Intensifies Escalates the same behavior or chooses another weapon
Retaliating Getting even Thinking “How could you do this to me?”
Hurt Disappointed Disbelieving Disgust
Revenge (to get even)
Break task down to small steps.
Stop all criticism.
Encourage any positive attempt.
Have faith in child’s abilities.
Focus on assets.
Don’t pity.
Don’t give up.
Set up opportunities for success.
Teach skills/show how . But don’t do for; enjoy the child.
Build on his/her interests.
Don’t Give Up On Me – Show Me A Small Step
I can’t belong because I’m not perfect, so I’ll convince others not to expect any-thing of me; I am helpless and unable; It’s no use trying because I won’t do it right.
Retreats further Passive No improvement No response
Giving up Doing for Over helping
Despair Hopeless Helpless Inadequate
Assumed Inadequacy (to give up and be left alone)

29. Connection before Correction

30. Positive Discipline is not about being a perfect parent
No body is perfect
Positive Discipline is not about being a perfect parent
Sometimes you feel good Sometimes you feel
about being a parent defeated and not knowing
what to do
Working for improvement is healthy, perfectionism is not.

31. 4 Rs of recovery from mistakes.

32. Recognition 2. Responsibility 3. Reconciliation 4. Resolution
Realize that you made a mistake “I made a mistake”
2. Responsibility
Take responsibility for your part of the conflict “I yelled at you instead of telling you my feelings”
3. Reconciliation
Apologize: “I’m sorry for treating you disrespectfully and for any hurt I may have created.”
4. Resolution
Work on an agreement of what both of you can do that will be respectful and effective if the problem occurs again, or what either of you can do to fix any damage that might have been done.

33. Things often get worse before they get better
Usual Parenting
Effective Parenting

34. parents can help parents

35. Make a Fist

36. Winning over Children Winning Children over Creates a struggle.
Creates a winner and a loser.
Short term effect.
Negative life skill.
Produces rebellious or submissive children.
Invites cooperation.
Both sides are winners.
Long term effect.
Positive life skill.
Produces good character.

37. How can I Help my child?

38. Consequences

39. Natural Consequences I GOT WET Happen naturally with no adult’s
interference.
When you don’t eat; you get
hungry.
Avoid saying anything that will
add MORE shame, pain or blame.
Show empathy and understanding.
No rescuing or fixing.

40. Logical Consequences Require adult intervention.
Should help the child learn
life & social skills.
When appropriate; follow the Four Rs:.
Related
Respectful
Reasonable
Revealed in advance when possible

41. Focus on Solutions

42. Solutions should be:
Related
Respectful
Reasonable
Helpful

43. Enabling Vs. Empowering

44. Enabling is ..
Getting between young people and life experiences to minimize the consequences of their choices.

45. You are Enabling when you:
Do /give them too much.
Bribe and /or reward.
Over protect (physically and emotionally).
Lie for them.
Punish / control.
Lecture.
Blame and shame.
Live in denial.
Rescue /Fix

46. Empowering is ..
Turning over control to your kids so they have power over their own lives and can learn from their mistakes.

47. Empowering is when you:
Show faith.
Respect privacy.
Express your limits
Listen without fixing, discounting, or judging.
Decide what you will do with dignity and respect.
Follow through with kindness and firmness.

48. Empowering continued…..
Let go off their issues without abandoning them.
Make agreements.
Love and encourage.
Ask for help..
Share your feelings.
Do joint problem solving.
Use respectful communication.
Give information instead of orders.
Encourage learning from mistakes.

49. What does giving choices teach?
Practice creating choices

50. Agreements first then Follow Through

52. Four Hints for effective Follow- Through:
Keep comments simple and concise “I notice you didn’t tidy up your room. Please do it now.”
In response to objections; ask, “What was our agreement?”.
In response to further objections, shut your mouth and use nonverbal communication. Point to your watch. Smile knowingly. Give a hug and point to your watch again.
When the child conceals to keep the agreement (sometimes obviously annoyed) say, “Thank you for keeping our agreement.”

53. My Way You Way

54. Children do what you do, not what you tell them to do.

55. Parents can help parents.

56. Continuum of change

57. Labeling

58. Focus on strengths

59. A Misbehaving Child is a Discouraged Child

60. How to encourage my child?

61. Routine Chart

62. Love Cup

63. Please be seated

64. Cooperative Juggling

65. Family Meeting

66. Family Meeting Agenda
Compliments
Challenges
Evaluate last week’s solutions
Focus on solutions for this week’s challenges
Special Event
Meal Planning
Calendar
Family togetherness event planning
Family Fun

67. Family Fun

68. See the Change You Want to See in People…
Why become a parent educator?
Changing your personal & professional life
24 hours workshop
Training on how to lead workshops
Reading PD book
You will be assigned activities to be presented in front of your group – receive thorough feedback

69. Thank You