1. Presentatione: Across the border

2. Purpose and focus WE CAN YOUNG campaign Increasing sexual and relational defensibility of youth. Respecting boundaries of self and others Knowing forms of sexual behavior Awareness of impact of gender inequality: violence and the different roles of boys and girls in society This presentation is about the 1st two points

3. Sexual (cross-border) behavior Differences in sexual experience of boys and girls Girls enjoy sex less than boys. Boys are often more satisfied with their own bodies. Girls experience more pain during sex. For 23% of the girls their first time was annoying, for boys 5%.

4. Sexual (cross-border) behavior Sexual behavior: If the 1st time occurs before the 13th year, is 33% of the girls is forced to have sex Sexual Preference difficult to come out for 51% of boys and 25% of girls disapprove like boys with boys kissing 16% of boys and 24% of girls disapprove when girls kiss girls

5. Conditions to talk about sex Safety Open posture with nerve to ask by Frame of reference of what is appropriate and what is not Willingness to hear confessions Following language Tools (maps, games, DVDs)

6. Talking about sex

7. What kind of sexual behavior do you see of young people? Exercise: Situations Think of situations involving young people in the field of sex and intimacy: its ok !(write on green) where you are in doubt about it? (yellow) not ok! (red) far across the border (black)

8. Sexual crossing borderbehavior What’s experimental and what’s cross-border? There are six criteria for : Permission (you have to want it both) Voluntary (ness) (there is coercion?) Equivalence (is someone in charge?) Age Appropriate (suits you?) Context Appropriate (it is appropriate with your environment?) Self-respect (the behavior harms yourself?) Sexual behavior is cross border when one of these criteria is absent.

9. Permission The other says yes, no or is unsure? Who says A, only says A. B is also necessary permission. It turns out that young people (and adults indeed) don’t stop easy once they started to have sex Non-verbal communication (giggle is not yes) and someone who is under the influence, no examples of consent. Consent of all parties is a necessity

10. Voluntariness Is there pressure? Threaten someone with a knife is a clear form of coercion. Much more frequent subtle forms: as someone persuade to have sex, blackmailing (I'll tell you as parents...) or pressure from friends. Sometimes people forcibly give consent. That is of course not true consent; which is not obtained voluntarily. Voluntary basis, without any form of coercion or (heavy) peer pressure is a necessity

11. Equivalence Is my (sexual) partner over me? For example, more than five years age difference can preponderance of the oldest. Or if there is a difference in position, may be the most powerful prevail. Remember the laughing stock of the class with the player of the school. Because then those more power and therefore more likely you are exceeded limits. An adult may therefore not have sex with people under 16 years (punishable). Equivalence between (sex) partners is a necessity

12. Age Appropriate Fits at your age? Some young people are early, some later. Research shows that for the first time who 13 years earlier took place, 33% of young people were persuaded to do so or forced. You can never be too old to experiment, however, you can be too young. Usually it is true that the older you are, the better you know what you want and what not. You become less and less easy to influence. Age Appropriate behavior is important

13. Appropriate context Fits into the situation? To your wall at home or at school pornographic hang, is not appropriate. If you want to see porn than you do it somewhere where no one is there to have to bother. And what your own family on the basis of culture, faith, found nearby normal, often also your personal standard. The differences in what may or may not be given your own background therefore sometimes large. However, the standard may never harm you in your healthy (sexual) development. Context Appropriate behavior is important

14. Self Respect Harms the behavior yourself or others? Do you think it's normal that if you accept drinks in the pub, there may well be something in return? Do you think you can force someone to give you your best sense? Note that you can properly take care of yourself and others or yourself don’t hurt. Self-esteem is about enough self-confidence and a positive self-image, so you can protect yourself from unpleasant situations and others give any negative experiences. To have self-respect is important

16. Plates Here are some: What do you see? What do you think knowing the sex rules?

17. a boy 10 makes obscene drawings his room

18. A 14-year-old boy forcing a 14-year-old girl to suck him. He threatens her with a knife.

19. Two thirteen year old girls sitting in the bedroom on the bed. They caress each other and between the thighs and like it..

20. A group of 17 year old boys masturbate together. They have a lot of fun.

21. Assignments Which tasks can you do? Group Information flag system / Flaming flags Substitutions at right criteria (in working form propositions and dilemmas) Peer pressure What does it mean to you?