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Dealing With Difficult Vendors, End-Users, and Annoying People
Alan H. Culpeper, CPPO, VCO Culpeper County, Virginia (540)
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Who is Your Difficult Person?
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Top 10 Most Difficult People
10.The Jurassic Park T-Rex Dinosaur 9. Co-Working Sniper 8. The Know-It-All 7. The Done-It-All 6. The Time Bomb 5. The “No Problem” Vendor 4. The Indecisive End-User 3. The Secret Agent 2. The Negative Person 1. The Whiner
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Where Does Your Difficult Person Hit the Target?
Task Force Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus
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Where Does Your Difficult Person Hit the Target?
T-Rex Whiner Precision Manipulate Know-it-All Negative Person Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Sniper Secret Agent Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Time Bomb Attention & Appreciation Consent Indecisive end-user Center of Attention Seeking Consent No Problem Teammate Done-it-All
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We Always have Choices Do nothing and take it on the chin
Wash your hands and walk away Change your attitude Change your behavior
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Difficult Behavior and Your Behavior
Difficult Persons Behavior The Random, or Intentional Outcome
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Dealing with Difficult People We:
Learn From The Past Manage The Present Visualize The Future
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Control the Tense The Three Core Issues Are:
Blame Values Choice Blame = Past Values = Present Choice = Future Who authorized the Change Order? Blame Should ethical procurement methods be used? Values Which method of procurement should we use? Choice
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How Do We Talk with Difficult People?
Logic: Influenced by reasoning of the facts. Character: Influenced by reputation, and ability to look trustworthy Emotions: Influenced by registering concern for other peoples emotions.
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Rules of Engagement We Must Engage Action Body + + Emotion Heart
Mind Action + Emotion Intelligence
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Disagreement to Collaboration - Unconscious Communications
Blending Redirecting
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We Get What We Project & Expect
Listen to Understand Speak to be Understood Tell the Truth
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We Get What We Project & Expect
You become like the people you hang around. Always give people the benefit of the doubt. Appreciate criticism and Say “Thank you”. Don’t argue.
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Difficult Person Type One: T-Rex
Task Force Intent Get-R-Done Controlling Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent
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What is the T-Rex’s Motivation?
Blame Values Our Strategy? Logic Our Goal? Command Respect. Be Strong & Capable
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Watch your emotion with the T-Rex because in anger you may…
Counter Attack Attempt to defend, explain, or justify your position Shut down Your Goal? Command Respect & Be Strong & Capable
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Action Plan with the T-Rex
Hold your ground Interrupt the attack T-Rex has Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) Promote peace with honor
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What if Your T-Rex is Right, and You are Wrong?
Never say “I’m sorry” Admit your mistake State it was a learning experience Will prevent this from happening again
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Difficult Person Type Two: The Co-Working Sniper
Task Force Intent Get it Done Appreciation Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus
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Tell-Tell Signs of the Sniper
Rude comments Sarcastic humor Bitter voice tone Insecurity
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What is the Snipers Motivation?
Blame Angry on how events turn out Values Carry grudges with anyone who interferes To undermine Just to get attention Our Strategy? Character Our Goal? Bring them out of hiding
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Action Plan The facial expression look back Use questions of intent
Use relevant questions Look Innocent Use T-Rex’s strategies if needed
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The Snipers Options Back off
Keep going out on the limb until it breaks Drop out of the tree & attack like a T-Rex
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Difficult Person Type Three: The Know-It-All
Task Force Intent Get it done their way Questioning their authority Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus
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Motivation of the Know-It-All
Values Choice Our Strategy? Logic & Emotions Our Goal? Get them to think it was their idea
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First Rule “Lock & Load”
It’s not what you know, it’s what you can prove
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Action Plan Know the facts Look and listen like you’re interested
Empathize with their doubts & desires Present your view indirectly Turn them into your mentor
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Difficult Person Type Four: The Done It-All Person
Task Force Intent Get appreciated Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus
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Motivation of the Done-It-All
Values Attentive Assertive Like to be a part of the conversation Our Strategy? Character Our Goal? Remove their bad ideas
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Action Plan Show genuine interest with enthusiasm
Clarify for specifics Tell it like it is Give them a break
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Difficult Person Type Five: The Time Bomb
Task Force Intent Try to get appreciated Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus
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When Will The Time Bomb “Go Off?
Values Unknown Our Strategy? Character Our Goal? Take Control of the Situation and Defuse the Time Bomb
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Action Plan Get their attention Reduce intensity
Put them in the “Time out” chair Preventive Maintenance
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Difficult Person Type Six: The “No Problem” Vendor
Intent Task Force Seek approval Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Getter Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus
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Get them to do what they say they will do
Can do, No Problem Choice All promises are made for the future Our Strategy? Logic Our Goal? Get them to do what they say they will do
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Action Plan Open Communications Help them learn to plan
Ensure Commitment Write it down Confirm deadlines Strengthen the Relationship
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Difficult Person Type Seven: The Indecisive Person
Intent Task Force Procrastinate Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus
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Any decision is better than waiting on their indecision
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What do you mean it’s not a Sole Source?
Choice Procrastinates May be afraid of the Repercussions Our Strategy? Logic Our Goal? Help them to learn to think decisively
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Action Plan Maintain a Comfort Zone Clarify Options
Use Decision Making List Reassure and follow through
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Difficult Person Type Eight: The Secret Agent
Intent Task Force Get along Get it right Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus
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The Intent of the Secret Squirrel
Blame Value Choice Our Strategy? Character Our Goal? Get them to squeal like a pig
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Action Plan Plan enough time Ask open ended questions Use humor
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Difficult Person Type Nine: The Negative End-User
Intent Task Force Everyone is wrong Does not allow for change Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus
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Motivated to be Negative
Values Everyone is wrong Choice Does not like change Our Strategy? Emotions Our Goal? Help them solve the problem
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Action Plan Go with the flow Use them as your Risk Manager
Leave the door open Go for the polarity response Acknowledge their good intent
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Difficult Person Type Ten: The Whiner
Intent Task Force To complain Worry Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus
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Three Types of Whiners Helpful Whiner Therapeutic Whiner
Obnoxious Whiner
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Contributors to their Whining Voice
The weight of the world on their shoulders, which grows heavier as they continue to find and collect problems. The effort required to whine about it. Feeling of uselessness since no one offers any useful ideas
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The Motivation of the Whiner
Blame To Complain To Worry Our Strategy? Emotions Our Goal? Recruit them as a Team Player
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What to Do and Not to do for the Whiner
Do Have Commitment Patience Compassion Don’t Agree or Disagree Solve their problems Ask why they are complaining
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Action Plan Listen for the main points
Interrupt & get down to the specifics Shift the focus to a solution Show them the future Draw the line
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Dealing with Your Difficult Person
The Core Issues Blame Values Choice Influence Logic Character Emotions
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Dealing with Your Difficult Person
Blend and Redirect Their Thoughts Listen to Understand Speak to be Understood Tell the Truth
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Dealing With Difficult Vendors, End-Users, and Annoying People
Alan H. Culpeper, CPPO, VCO Culpeper County, Virginia (540)
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