1. Looking for love or Becoming Love?

2. CONNECTING Exercise Select a Partner (you dont know) 1. A & B 2. A speaks / B listens SILENTLY 3. Three topics (30 sec./each) 4. Switch and repeat

3. Meta-Communication Meta-Communication Level (How are we doing?) Content Level (I like the dollar menu at McDonalds.)

4. SMALL TALK Exercise Select a NEW Partner A and B introduce yourselves and talk about anything for 2-minutes. % ofm, e/d

5. Self-Monitoring The ability to monitor your communication behavior

6. TOE Technique 1. Talk? Equal % of time talking? 2. Open? Open face/ open mind? 3. Enlarge? Enlarge or diminish other?

7. Lets begin

8. Singles Conference Themes?

9. Relationships Dating Marriage Career Godly Life Style Ministry Dealing with Issues/Sin Character Development Family of Origin Finances/Debt

10. Your life on earth lets look/string

11. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. - Jesus Matthew 22:37-40

12. Fundamentals Skills for Friendship

13. F riendly U nderstanding N urturing

14. FUN

15. Three Questions: How are you doing? Are you saying…? How can I love you? (12 Words)

16. Friendly How are you doing?

17. 1. Welcoming Others

18. S miling to Others Your SMILE is your most powerful invitation to conversation. People look to your FACE to assess your intention - --approach, stay, retreat. (80% of assessment) Only 1 in 3 people SMILE to strangers, yet 90% of strangers will RETURN a SMILE.

19. A pproaching Others Three Relational Movements Increase distance (move away) Maintain distance (stay) Decrease distance (move towards) Most difficult behavior--taking the first step.

20. 2. Asking Questions

21. A sking Questions of Others A QUESTION is the most powerful verbal invitation to conversation. Your QUESTIONS demonstrate your interest. Focus of attention is on the other person Only 1 in 7 people are skilled in asking questions during conversation with people they know.

22. Types of Questions Closed -- require short responses Open – require longer responses Probing– asks for additional information

23. Examples of Questions Closed Do you have free time? Did you just get your hair cut? Open How are you doing? Why do you like retreats? Probing …so, what else do you like about retreats? …and what other things do you like about Bob?

24. ASKING QUESTIONS Exercise Select a NEW Partner 1. A asks 5-open questions of B (begin: How did you turn out so well?) 2. B asks 5-open questions of A (begin: How did you turn out so well?) 3. Join with another couple (now 4)

25. CONVERSATION PARTY Exercise (if time) 1. On Card / first name, 2 questions 2. Pair up, switch cards, ask questions 3. Meta-communicate compliment 4. Move to new partner / repeat process

26. BREAK

27. Understanding Are you saying…?

28. Poor Listening We verbally interrupt others every 12 seconds. We evaluate/give advice 80% of the time.

29. 1. Leader 2. Follower Don t talk Go slow Look at follower Hold still one time Don t talk Follow leader Stay w/in 2 inches FINGER-FOLLOW exercise

30. 1. Listening to Discover Listen without interrupting (12 vs 120) Listen to discover not to confirm

31. Non-Evaluative Listening Exercise Select new partner A - talks for 2 minutes on the topic, If I had six months to live. (can pause) B - listens (attentive/NO TALKING) Switch A and B roles

32. 2. Mirroring restating what you heard the speaker saying in YOUR OWN WORDS: Are you saying…? Do you mean…? I hear you saying…

33. MIRRORING Mirror Head Are you saying…? (Content ) Heart Are you feeling…? (Feelings)

34. Mirroring example Speaker Listener I could do these retreats forever. Are you saying you want to attend again? I dont know if Ill return next year. Do you mean you didnt enjoy the retreat?

35. MIRRORING Exercise Select a NEW Partner 1. A talks about My five life goals (1.5 min) 2. B mirrors (Are you saying…?) every 30-seconds on Randys signal

36. BREAK

37. Nurturing How can I love you?

38. Five Love Languages * Words Time Gifts Service Touch * Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages

39. 1. Words 1. Compliment accomplishments Congratulations on your… 2. Acknowledge effort Im proud of your effort to… 3. Praise character I admire your honesty. 4. Compliment the invisible I appreciate that you dont… 5. Express affection I love you.

40. COMPLIMENTING Exercise Select a NEW Partner 1. Introduce yourselves 2. Brainstorm 3 Rules of Relationship 3. Give 3 compliments to one another

41. 2. Time 1. Time together Quality time, no distractions 2. Time talking Sharing feelings, deep disclosure 3. Time in shared activities Activities you both enjoy (or other)

42. 3. Gifts Gift - is something you can hold in your hand and say he/she was thinking of me. 1. Gifts you make Poem, letter, cookies, tokens, etc. 2. Gifts you buy Ring, clothing, tickets, money, etc. 3. Gift of your presence Attend special occasion

43. 4. Service Service – Doing things the other person would like. Running an errand, helping with a work task, taking out the trash, washing the car, vacuuming, mowing the lawn, paying the bills, baby-sitting, shopping, folding the clothes, pulling weeds, cleaning the windows, and a million other acts of service.

44. ACTS OF SERVICE Exercise Form groups of four (4) 1. Introduce yourself and share one act of service you enjoy having done for you. 2. As a group, brainstorm unique acts of service you give those you know. 3. Meta-communicate compliments to group.

45. 5. Touch Nonverbal Behavior – any behavior that is not spoken or written. Handshake, hug, hand on shoulder, massage, guiding behavior, kiss, and a hundred more… Be sensitive to the cultural and personal boundaries of acceptable touching behavior. When it doubt, refrain.

46. Lets review…

47. Fundamentals Skills for Friendship

48. Three Questions: How are you doing? Are you saying…? How can I love you? (12 Words)

49. F riendly U nderstanding N urturing

50. FUN