1. Chapter 6 Revising Business Messages
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Chapter 6 Revising Business Messages
Business Communication:
Process and Product, 8e
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy

2. Taking Time to Revise: Applying Phase 3 of the Writing Process
Writing Process: Prewriting, Drafting, and Revising
Revising: improving content and sentence structure
Proofreading: correcting grammar, spelling, punctuation, format, mechanics
Revising takes the most time in the writing process.

3. Revising for Conciseness
Eliminate flabby expressions.
Flabby
Concise
at this point in time
now
due to the fact that
because
in very few cases
seldom
despite the fact that
although
in the near future
soon

4. Revising for Conciseness
Limit long lead-ins.
Wordy
Concise
This is to let you know that Monday is a holiday.
Monday is a holiday.
I am sending this to announce that our internal audit begins on January 5.
Our internal audit begins on January 5.

5. Revising for Conciseness
Drop unnecessary there/is are and it is/was fillers.
Wordy
Concise
There were more than 45 visitors who commented on her blog.
More than 45 visitors commented on her blog.
It was a hilarious animal video that went viral.
A hilarious animal video went viral.

6. Revising for Conciseness
Reject redundancies.
Redundant
Concise
combined together
combined
exact same
exact or same
my personal opinion
my opinion
refer back
refer

7. Revising for Conciseness
Purge empty words.
Wordy
Concise
In the case of General Motors, the car company was reorganized.
General Motors was reorganized.
We are aware of the fact that many managers need assistance.
We know many managers need assistance.
When it arrived, I deposited your check immediately.
I deposited your check immediately.

8. Revising for Conciseness
Condense messages for social media microblogging.
Try the following for messages limited to 140 characters.
Include only main ideas.
Choose descriptive but short words.
Personalize whenever possible
Be prepared to revise many times for conciseness, clarity, and, yes, even correctness.

9. Making Your Message Clear
Keep it short and simple.
Wordy
Concise
It would not be inadvisable for you to affix your signature at this point in time.
You should sign now.
Here are implements that are necessary for the job to be completed in a satisfactory manner.
Here are the tools to do the job satisfactorily.

10. Making Your Message Clear
Dump trite business phrases.
Trite
Improved
pursuant to your request
as you requested
please do not hesitate to
please
thanking you in advance
thank you
enclosed please find
enclosed

11. Making Your Message Clear
Drop clichés (worn phrases), slang (informal words with extravagant meanings), and business buzzwords.
Cliché, Slang, Buzzword
Improved
Last but not least, we must cut costs.
Finally, we must cut costs.
Hey, prof, what u think of my killer paper?
Professor, what did you think of my paper?
Our point man will telephonically communicate our relanguaged proposal to you.
Jake will call you with our revised proposal.

12. Making Your Message Clear
Unbury verbs that are needlessly converted to wordy noun expressions.
Buried Verbs
Improved
give consideration
consider
reach a conclusion
conclude
create a reduction in
reduce
make a decision about
decide
take action
act

13. Making Your Message Clear
Control exuberance by using sparingly such words as very, definitely, quite, totally, etc.
Excessive Exuberance
Businesslike
We are actually very certain that they totally agree with our proposal.
We are certain that they agree with our proposal.
Jake was really extremely sorry that he completely forgot the meeting.
Jake was sorry that he forgot the meeting.

14. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design
Employ white space by
Adding headings
Including bulleted or numbered lists
Using short sentences
Writing short paragraphs
Setting effective margins

15. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design
Setting margins
Use 1 to 1½ inch margins
How to set margins

16. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design
Setting for Ragged-Right Margins
Ragged-right margins provide more white space and improve readability.
Result
Aligns text at left margin and creates a ragged-right margin

17. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design
Choose appropriate typefaces.
Consider sans serif (such as Arial) for headings, signs, and material that does not require continuous reading.
Consider serif (such as Times New Roman) for body font. Notice that serif typefaces have small features at the ends of strokes.

18. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design
Use 10- to 12-pt. font for most body text.
For special effects consider:
CAPITALIZATION
SMALL CAPS
Boldface
Italics
Underline

19. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design
Use vertical lists or enumerated items to improve comprehension.
Numbered lists (1, 2, 3) for items that show a sequence
Bulleted lists for items that do not show a chronology
Numbered List
Bulleted List
Follow these steps in starting a business:
Write a business plan.
Locate venture capital.
Prepare a feasibility study.
Consider the following:
Environmental regulations
Employee benefit plans
Licensing requirements

20. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design
Employ parallel (balanced) construction when listing similar ideas.
Not Parallel
Parallel
It’s all about money: earning it, investing it, and thinking about how to spend it.
It’s all about money: earning it, investing it, and spending it.
To protect your pet from dognappers:
Be a constant companion.
Don’t boast about the breed.
You should keep photos handy.
Keep photos handy.

21. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design
Add headings to enhance comprehension.
Types of headings to consider:
Main headings
Subheadings
Category headings

22. Proofreading to Catch Mistakes
What to watch for in proofreading
Spelling
Grammar
Punctuation
Names and numbers
Format

23. To Revise Manually, Use Basic Proofreading Marks
Delete
Capitalize
Lowercase (don’t capitalize)
Transpose
Close up

24. To Revise Manually, Use Basic Proofreading Marks
Insert
Insert space
Insert punctuation
Insert period
Start paragraph

25. To Revise Manually, Use Basic Proofreading Marks
This is a short note to let you know that as As you requested, I made an investigation of investigated several of our competitors’ websites. Attached hereto is a summary of the findings. of my investigation. I was really most interested in making a comparison of the employment of comparing marketing strategies as well as the use of navigational graphics used to guide visitors through the sites.