Sexual Abuse Toward Psychological and Pastoral Understanding

Stolen Childhood Understanding Sexual Abuse

Various Terms Incest Incest Stranger abuse Stranger abuse Sexual assault Sexual assault Child molesting Child molesting Pedophilia Pedophilia Sexual malpractice (adults) Sexual malpractice (adults)

Abuse—Important Distinctions Minors : Any sexual contact/behavior between an adult and a minor. Minors : Any sexual contact/behavior between an adult and a minor. Adults : Any sexual contact/behavior with an adult who is… Adults : Any sexual contact/behavior with an adult who is…  Non-aware (sexual malpractice)  Non-consenting (sexual assault)

Sexual Abuse—Dimensions Physical: inappropriate touching Physical: inappropriate touching Verbal: degrading, shaming, or evocative comments. Verbal: degrading, shaming, or evocative comments. Visual: exposing body parts, inappropriate nudity, etc. Visual: exposing body parts, inappropriate nudity, etc. Psychological/spiritual: various forms of harassment or misuse of power. Psychological/spiritual: various forms of harassment or misuse of power.

Abuse by a Stranger The shock & its immediate aftermath. The shock & its immediate aftermath. Being able to tell the story. Being able to tell the story. Getting immediate support & protection. Getting immediate support & protection.

Abuse by a Trusted Other Confusion & ambivalence. Confusion & ambivalence. Betrayal of trust. Betrayal of trust. Secrecy and fear. Secrecy and fear. Inability to tell someone or get protection. Inability to tell someone or get protection.

Effects on Adult Survivors I am ambivalent : Close—Distant Close—Distant Aroused—Unfeeling Aroused—Unfeeling Attracted—Repulsed Attracted—Repulsed Involved—Detached Involved—Detached Trusted—Suspicious Trusted—Suspicious Loved—Shamed Loved—Shamed Exposed—Guarded Exposed—Guarded

An Aftermath of Confusions Difficulty Interpreting Emotional Cues Difficulty Interpreting Emotional Cues Shame Based Self-Identity Shame Based Self-Identity Repetition Compulsion Repetition Compulsion Dissociation (‘leaving myself’) Dissociation (‘leaving myself’) Sexualizing Behavior/Intentions Sexualizing Behavior/Intentions Dichotomizing Reactions Dichotomizing Reactions

Healing the Pain Pastoral & Personal Responses to Sexual Abuse Pastoral & Personal Responses to Sexual Abuse

3 Stages of Healing Protecting the Victim. Protecting the Victim. Supporting the Survivor. Supporting the Survivor. Affirming the Thriver. Affirming the Thriver.

1—Protecting the Victim Breaking the secret, telling the story. Breaking the secret, telling the story. Identifying ‘triggers’ & developing messages of courage. Identifying ‘triggers’ & developing messages of courage. First steps in grieving and re-imaging self. First steps in grieving and re-imaging self.

2—Supporting the Survivor Accessing healthy anger. Accessing healthy anger. Identifying & restructuring core-life messages. Identifying & restructuring core-life messages. Addressing family & relational issues Addressing family & relational issues

3—Affirming the Thriver From survival patterns to adult growth. From survival patterns to adult growth. Integrating trauma with other life experience. Integrating trauma with other life experience. Spirituality of healing: forgiveness & self- protection. Spirituality of healing: forgiveness & self- protection.

What About Forgiveness? Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation Forgiveness is not condoning or forgetting Forgiveness is not condoning or forgetting Beyond forgiveness to justice making Beyond forgiveness to justice making

Signs of Healing Power of triggers diminishes Power of triggers diminishes Intrusive thoughts decrease Intrusive thoughts decrease

Signs of Healing Abuse is no longer the “frame of reference” for relationships Abuse is no longer the “frame of reference” for relationships Reduced need to talk about abuse Reduced need to talk about abuse

Severity of Symptoms: Determinants Type, frequency, severity of abuse. Type, frequency, severity of abuse. Presence of physical violence or threats. Presence of physical violence or threats. Relationship of abuser to victim. Relationship of abuser to victim. Interpretation given by child. Interpretation given by child. Presence of comfort in environment. Presence of comfort in environment. Secrecy. Secrecy.

Sexual Abuse—Statistics 1 in 2 females by age 18 1 in 2 females by age 18 1 in 5 males 1 in 5 males 50% pre-pubertal 50% pre-pubertal 6 of 10 rapes are adolescent victims 6 of 10 rapes are adolescent victims 90% of offenders are familiar to victim 90% of offenders are familiar to victim 80% of offenders/spouses are chemically dependent 80% of offenders/spouses are chemically dependent

Universal Issues Why me? Maybe I asked for it… It only happened once, a few times…

Universal Issues It wasn’t penetration; I shouldn’t complain… Maybe I’m making this up; I’m crazy… It was wrong, but I still care for him/her.

Clusters of Symptoms Chronic depression Chronic depression Low self-esteem Low self-esteem Somatic disorders Somatic disorders Relational difficulties Relational difficulties Suicidal thoughts/attempts Suicidal thoughts/attempts Eating disorders Eating disorders Phobias, occluded memories, dissociation Phobias, occluded memories, dissociation Substance abuse Substance abuse

Communities of Healing Supporting families and communities of welcome and safety.

Toward A Pastoral Response Awareness Awareness Support Support Safety Safety