NEGOTIATIONS IN CO- PARENTING SARA TESKE SIENA HEIGHTS UNIVERSITY

INTRODUCTION FIRST 2-3 YEARS POST DIVORCE IS THE HARDEST ON EVERYONE REDUCING CONFLICT AND TENSION IS ESSENTIAL TO RAISING HEALTHY, HAPPY CHILDREN EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATIONS BETWEEN THE DIVORCED PARENTS IS NECESSARY HIGH CONFLICT RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN DIVORCED PARENTS ARE DIRECTLY RELATED TO DYSFUNCTIONAL CHARACTERISTICS IN CHILDREN, SUCH AS, AGGRESSION, SOCIAL WITHDRAWAL, LOW SELF-ESTEEM, SOMATIC SYMPTOMS, AND NONCOMPLIANCE WITH ADULT AUTHORITY (CAMARA AND RESNICK 1989). INTERPARENTAL CONFLICT IS THE MAJOR CAUSE OF CHILDHOOD BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS PARENTS IN CONFLICT ARE USUALLY PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE TO THEIR CHILDREN

CO-PARENTING DEFINES CO-PARENTING AS A SHARED ACTIVITY UNDERTAKEN BY ADULTS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CARE OF UPBRINGING OF THEIR CHILDREN (SULLIVAN, 2013). A GOOD DIVORCE A FAMILY WITH CHILDREN REMAINS A FAMILY AND THAT BOTH PARENTS CONTINUE TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE EMOTIONAL, ECONOMIC, AND PHYSICAL NEEDS OF THEIR CHILDREN (WHITESIDE, 1998). RAISING CHILDREN IN A SHARED-CUSTODY SITUATION IS AN ONGOING, LIFELONG PARTNERSHIP THAT IS CRITICAL TO THEIR CHILD’S DEVELOPMENT 2 FUNCTIONS OF CO-PARENTING CHILD-CENTERED EXCHANGED OF INFORMATION CHILD FOCUSED DECISION MAKING

THREE MODELS OF CO-PARENTING (SULLIVAN, 2013) COOPERATIVE ACCURATE PERCEPTION OF THEMSELVES, CO-PARENT, CHILD TRUST CO-PARENT BOTH CO-PARENTS POSSESS GOOD PROBLEM SOLVING SKILLS ONLY 25% ARE THIS WAY CONFLICTED DISTORTED PERCEPTIONS OF THEMSELVES, CO-PARENT, CHILD DO NOT TRUST DO NO POSSESS GOOD PROBLEM SOLVING SKILLS CHILDREN IN THIS TYPE OF SITUATION HAS LONG-TERM ADJUSTMENT PROBLEMS. PARALLEL LOW LEVEL OF ENGAGEMENT BETWEEN CO-PARENTS=LESS CONFLICT=BETTER FOR THE CHILDREN ADEQUATE INFORMATION EXCHANGED AND DECISIONS MADE CHILDREN IN THIS SITUATION HAD SIMILAR OUTCOMES AS COOPERATIVE MODEL MOST COMMON IN SHARED CUSTODY SITUATIONS, 40% THIS WAY

B.I.F.F. MODEL OF COMMUNICATING IN CO-PARENTING (SULLIVAN, 2013) BRIEF, INFORMATIVE, FOCUSED, AND FRIENDLY OPTION OF COMMUNICATION CHANNEL BETWEEN CO- PARENTS AND STRUCTURES A “BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP” ONE TECHNIQUE OF USING THIS IS ELECTRONICALLY VIA TEXT OR ELECTRONIC COMMUNICATION DECREASES ENGAGEMENT AND THEREFORE, CONFLICT IS KEPT TO MINIMUM LESS ENGAGEMENT=LESS CONFLICT=BETTER FOR CHILD PARENTS MUST RESPECT EACH OTHER AND BE EMPATHIC

PARENT COORDINATOR ANOTHER OPTION WHEN CO-PARENTS ARE HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME NEGOTIATING HYBRID FORM OF MEDIATION-ARBITRATION HELPS CO-PARENTS DEVELOP BETTER PROBLEM SOLVING SKILLS ALTERNATIVE TO COURT STRUCTURE COMMUNICATION BETWEEN CO-PARENTS, PROVIDE ADDITIONAL SUPPORT AND ACCOUNTABILITY BY MONITORING AND ENFORCING RULES PROMOTES BUSINESSLIKE S BETWEEN CO-PARENTS PROVIDE FEEDBACK TO THE COURT WHEN NEEDED

MEDIATION NEUTRAL THIRD PARTY TO ASSIST BOTH PARTIES IN VOLUNTARILY REACHING A MUTUALLY ACCEPTABLE AGREEMENT ASSIST IN COMMUNICATION, ENCOURAGES UNDERSTANDING, AND KEEPS FOCUS ON COMMON INTERESTS ALTERNATIVE TO COURT MANY POSITIVES, SAVES TIME AND MONEY, COOPERATION IS INCREASED, CONFLICT DECREASED, PRESERVES RELATIONSHIPS

CONCLUSION CO-PARENTING IS NOT EASY NEGOTIATIONS SHOULD START WITH A WIN-WIN END IN MIND FOR BOTH PARTIES NEGOTIATIONS SHOULD BE RESPECTFUL AND EMPATHETIC TOWARD THE OTHER CO-PARENT KEEPING CHILDREN’S BEST INTEREST IN MIND AT ALL TIMES SHOULD BE PRIORITY TO BOTH PARENTS

REFERENCES CAMARA, K. & RESNICK, G. (1989). STYLES OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION AND COOPERATION BETWEEN DIVORCED PARENTS: EFFECTS ON CHILD BEHAVIOR AND ADJUSTMENT. AMERICAN JOURNAL OF ORTHOPSYCHIATRIC, 59(4), SULLIVAN, M. (2013). COPARENTING: A LIFELONG PARTNERSHIP. FAMILY ADVOCATE, 36(1), WHITESIDE, M. (1998). THE PARENTAL ALLIANCE FOLLOWING DIVORCE: AN OVERVIEW. JOURNAL OF MARITAL AND FAMILY THERAPY, 24(1), PROQUEST PSYCHOLOGY JOURNALS.