1. Parenting After Divorce (Children can be okay – with work)
Scott Baroway
Mediation Partners

2. FOUNDATION TO SUCCESS
Studies consistently show the measure of children’s adjustment to the divorce is directly related to the LEVEL OF CONFLICT BETWEEN THE PARENTS not the specific details of the parenting agreement. Conflict between the parents, even small conflict, is emotionally painful the children and will be carried by them for a long time.
Children need:
Parents continue to treat each the respectfully;
Parents continue to consult with each other on disciplinary issues;
Parents can have cordial social conversation with each other;
Children are not used as messengers for parents;
Parents to make real effort to comply with parenting time schedule, but
Parents to be flexible with parenting time when needed due to kids schedule

3. Stages of Transition One Family to Two.
One family—trust and respect
Problems begin to develop in marriage
Problems become severe
Moving out by one party
Off-the-wall – emotions run high
Settling down – begin to see a new future
Two families—new roles, new trust and respect

4. Telling The Children When to tell them What to tell them
Depends on age of children
For young children, a week or two before a parent moving out
What to tell them
Both parents will love and care for them
It was a problem between the parents and not the children
Do not share details of marital problems
How to tell them
As matter-of-factly as possible

5. What Children Need Children Can Be OK After Divorce
Both parents in their lives
Kept out of their parents’ conflict
Love and guidance from as many people as possible
Listened to and feelings respected
Children Can Be OK After Divorce

6. How Children Show Stress
Age inappropriate behaviors
Acting younger
Becoming an “adult”
Interpersonal problems
Fighting with other children
Defiant towards parents/teachers
Performance difficulties
Failing in school
Losing interest in activities
Emotional distress
Sadness
Excessive worrying

7. What Parents Can Do Focus on the needs of their children
Design creative, flexible child-rearing plans
Remain partners in raising their children
Follow basic parenting rules
Get professional help when in doubt