H OLDING E FFECTIVE C ONVERSATIONS Chapter 7

D EFINITION OF C ONVERSATION Conversation - An interactive, locally managed, sequentially organized, and extemporaneous interchange of thoughts and feelings between two or more people.

S TRUCTURE OF C ONVERSATIONS All conversations have a beginning, middle, and an ending. All conversations begin when one person starts to talk to another person and the other person responds. The first person picks a topic and the second person reacts in a way that shows if they have any interest in continuing the conversation. When you know the person you are talking to and the topic you are talking about it is much easier to talk, rather than if you don’t know the person or much about the topic. The ways you start a conversation are limited to your imagination. Don’t be afraid to start conversations with humor.

S TRUCTURE OF C ONVERSATIONS Small Talk- Message exchanges on inconsequential topics that meet the social needs of participants with low amounts of risk. We use this to start conversations with strangers. Topics for small talk include: the weather, uncontroversial news topics, harmless facts and predictions and the “like.”

S TRUCTURE OF C ONVERSATIONS Gossip - Message exchange about other people who are not present in a conversation. Can be a harmless way to pass conversational time Can be an unethical and malicious Gossip that discloses information that is private and inaccurate is unethical The worst kind of gossip is that when it is meant to purposely hurt or embarrass someone

S TRUCTURE OF C ONVERSATIONS Information and idea exchanges- Message exchanges that focus on sharing important facts, opinions, and beliefs. Common between new acquaintances and friends alike. Tend to carry more import than small talk.

T YPES OF C ONVERSATION There are two types of conversation. Casual social conversations Problem consideration conversations Casual Social Interactions between people whose purpose is to enhance or maintain a relationship through spontaneous exchanges about general topics. Participants may engage in small talk, gossip, and information and idea exchange. Problem Consideration Interactions between people in which the purpose, for at least one of the participants, is to elicit cooperation in solving a problem or meeting a specific goal. More structured than a casual social conversation because it requires the participants to deliberate and reach a conclusion. More orderly than casual social conversations.

C HARACTERISTICS OF C ONVERSATIONS Conversations often are so routine or habitual that we do not think about these individual elements. The Six Characteristics of Conversations are: Formality Turn-taking Topic change Talk time Scriptedness Audience and-resources.com/conversation.html

C HARACTERISTICS OF C ONVERSATIONS Formality- Refers to the degree to which a conversation must follow rules and procedures. Two factors, status and familiarity, influence the formality of a conversation. The higher the status in a conversation is the more formal it is. Regarding familiarity the higher it is the more informal it is. Turn-taking - Refers to alternation between speaking and listening in a conversation. A turn can be one word or a long monologue. In an ordinary conversation, people often speak at the same time, and turns are not always easy to identify. Examples of turn-taking if people are speaking at the same time would be “I’m sorry. You go ahead.” Turn taking is simple when it is only two people in a conversation, but when it becomes three or more, turn-taking is more challenging.

C HARACTERISTICS OF C ONVERSATIONS Topic Change- The method by which people introduce new topics into a conversation. In a casual conversation topics are introduced and changed quite randomly. Topic change is negotiated informally and spontaneously between the participants. Talk time- The share of time participants each have in a conversation. Conversations are most satisfying when all participants feel that they have had their fair share of talk time. Talk time is affected by the status of the people conversing. It is also affected by the conversational styles of the participants, some people are more outgoing and other more naturally quiet.

C HARACTERISTICS OF C ONVERSATIONS Scriptedness- Involves the use of routine conversational phrases from past encounters applied appropriately to a new question. Some types of conversations have happened so often and are so routine they follow a basic script. Example: Jesse: Hey it’s been a long time. How are you doing? Kimiko: Yes, it’s been forever since we’ve seen each other. I’m doing fine. How are you? Jesse: I’m good. Can’t complain. How is work going? Kimiko: Work’s keeping me busy. Are you still with KDC Software? Co-narration- involves two people finishing each other’s sentences in a conversation because they know each other’s style of conversation so well.

C HARACTERISTICS OF C ONVERSATIONS Conversational Audience- refers to both the intended and unintended participants in a conversation. Most of the time you know who is participating in a two-person conversation but it is much harder when it is a group of people. Eavesdropping is another way that people become an audience to other’s conversation. In some situations we become unwilling eavesdroppers as it becomes impossible not to overhear what others are discussing. Example: Cell phone conversations nowadays.

R ULES OF C ONVERSATIONS AND THE C OOPERATIVE P RINCIPLE Conversations, though you may think have little form or structure, are actually based on implicit rules. Conversational rules- Unwritten prescriptions that indicate what behavior is required, preferred, or prohibited in certain contexts. These unwritten rules specify what kinds of messages and behaviors will be seen as appropriate in a given physical or social context with a person or group.

W HAT MAKES A R ULE ? Rules specify appropriate human behavior (what they do or not do). Rules are prescriptions. A rule tells you what to do or say to be successful or effective and leaves little room for interpretation. If you choose to break the rule, you risk being viewed as an incompetent conversationalist, or you risk damaging your relationships. Rules are based on our contexts. This means that conversational rules that apply in some situations may not apply under different conditions. Because rules are contextual, some conversational rules differ by culture. When we communicate with people of different cultural backgrounds, we may unintentionally break the rules that guide their behavior and vice versa.

T HE C OOPERATIVE P RINCIPLE Not only are there general conversation rules, but effective conversations depend on participants cooperating with each other by following the cooperative principle. Cooperative principle- the principle stating that contributions to a conversation should be cooperative. The rules of conduct that cooperative conversational partners follow are known as maxims.

M AXIMS The quality maxim is the requirement to cooperate by providing information that is truthful in a conversation. When we purposely lie, distort, or misrepresent, we are not acting cooperatively in the conversation. The quantity maxim is the requirement to cooperate by providing a sufficient or necessary amount of information to satisfy the informational needs of others in a conversation. ed

M AXIMS The relevancy maxim is the requirement to cooperate by providing information that is related to the topic currently being discussed. Comments that are unrelated to the subject or seek an abrupt subject change when other conversational partners are still actively engaged with the topic are uncooperative. The manner maxim is the requirement to cooperate by being specific and organized when communicating one's thoughts in a conversation. We cooperate with our conversational partners when we choose specific language and organize our words in a manner that allows our partners to easily understand our meaning.

M AXIMS The morality maxim is the requirement to cooperate by meeting moral/ethnical expectations in a conversation. Although the quality maxim requires truthfulness, the maxim extends moral and ethnical principles further. The politeness maxim is the requirement to cooperate by showing respect or courtesy towards others in a conversation.

G UIDELINES FOR E FFECTIVE C ONVERSATIONALISTS Conversations have a life of their own and move spontaneously according to the participants. There are several guidelines you can follow to be a better conversational partner: Develop an other-centered focus Engages in appropriate turn-taking Maintain conversational coherence Practice politeness Balance appropriateness and efficiency Protect privacy Engage in ethical dialogue. watch?v=4AArYXqgBoM &feature=related

G UIDELINES FOR E FFECTIVE C ONVERSATIONALISTS Develop an Other-Centered Focus Skilled conversationalists listen carefully to their partners, ask questions, and introduce topics that are of similar interest of their partners. This is also demonstrated by full involvement in the conversation. Engage in Appropriate Turn-Taking Another way to be an effective conversationalist is to follow the politeness maxim by taking turns. Effective turn-takers remain silent and listen politely when the conversation is directed to someone else. One of the crucial skills of turn-taking is learning not to interrupt others. Pay attention turn-taking behavior to make sure that you do not abruptly seize the floor from others.

G UIDELINES FOR E FFECTIVE C ONVERSATIONALISTS Maintain Conversational Coherence Conversational coherence is the extent to which the comments made by one person relate to those made previously by others in a conversation. It is based on the relevancy maxim and is important in maintaining effective conversations. If what we want to say is only semi related or unrelated to what was said before, then we should yield our turn to someone else who may have more relevant comments.

G UIDELINES FOR E FFECTIVE C ONVERSATIONALISTS Practice Politeness Politeness, or relating to others in ways that meet their need to be appreciated and protected, is universal to all cultures and contributes greatly to effective conversation. One way of showing politeness is to engage in face-saving. Face-saving means helping others to preserve their self-image or self-respect. There are many ways that we engage in face-saving during conversations. One way is to avoid embarrassing topics. Choose words carefully. Balance Appropriateness and Efficiency In every effective conversation, people must balance two primary considerations: the need to be appropriate and the need to be efficient. Appropriateness refers to being polite and following situational rules of conversation. Efficiency means being direct in the interest of achieving conversational goals in a relatively short amount of time. Depending on the situation, the balance of the two will vary. The balance of appropriateness and efficiency in a conversation will vary based on the relationship of the participants, the topics being discussed, the context of the conversation, and the channel by which the conversation is occurring.

G UIDELINES FOR E FFECTIVE C ONVERSATIONALISTS Protect Privacy To be an effective conversationalist, protect privacy by paying attention to who may be an audience to your conversation and keeping confidences. Regarding your audience, think about both your need for privacy and the need of others not to have to overhear your personal conversations. And regarding keeping confidences, keep in mind the morality maxim. If someone reveals a secret to you and asks you not to tell, it's important that you honor that request.

G UIDELINES FOR E FFECTIVE C ONVERSATIONALISTS Engage in Ethnical Dialogue Ethnical dialogue or conversation is characterized by authenticity, empathy, confirmation, presentness, equality, and supportiveness. Authenticity- communication information and feelings that are relevant and legitimate to the subject at hand directly, honestly, and straightforwardly. Empathy- demonstrating an understand of another person's point of view without giving up one's own position or sense of self. Confirmation- expressing a warm affirmation of others as unique persons without necessarily approving of their behaviors or views. Presentness- the willingness to become fully involved with the other person by taking time, avoiding distractions, being responsive, and risking attachment. Exhibiting this would mean you're listening actively and you're asking questions that are related to what they are talking about. Equality- treating conversational partners as friends, despite your differences. Supportiveness- encouraging the other participants in a conversation to communicate by praising their worthwhile efforts. When we engage in ethnical dialogue, we improve the odds that our conversations will meet our needs and the needs of those with whom we interact.

C ONVERSATIONS V IA T ECHNOLOGY

C ONVERSATIONS V IA T ECHNOLOGY Conversations are changing to either technologically mediated (cell phones, text messages) or via cyber space ( , blogs, IMs, chat rooms). The speed at which messages can be sent and received has increased and the mobility that multimedia and cell phones offer has become endless. and-resources.com/conversation.html

A WARENESS OF A UDIENCE Without the benefit of a face to face conversation you can not always be sure of who your comments, posts or messages will reach. Degree of Conversational Spontaneity. Cyber interactions are much less spontaneous than face to face conversations. Every message or post can be well thought, proofed and edited before posting.

A BRUPTNESS OF D ISENGAGEMENT Cyber Conversations can be ended by either person by no longer responding. The courtesy of a proper 'goodbye' no longer seems to be required.

M ULTIPLICITY OF C ONVERSATIONS You no longer have to focus attention to one conversation at a time. Media devices allow a person the ability to carry on multiple conversations at once.

A CCEPTANCE OF I NTERRUPTIONS Conversation interruptions that would have been considered rude in the past are now becoming more acceptable.

N OTIONS OF P RIVACY Use of cell phones in public and messaging via the web leave out the idea of 'private' conversations.