Chapter 20 The Decision to Marry Objectives Explain how your choice of a marriage partner affects your life. Evaluate factors that should be considered before deciding to marry. Explain the purposes of the engagement period. Create ways to make the planning of a wedding go more smoothly.

Chapter Introduction Exercise Complete Worksheet Personal Philosophy of Marriage (35-40 minutes) We will discuss as a class upon completion.

Look Before You Leap “Until death do us part.” Many couples enter marriage quipped only with hopes and dreams. The knowledge needed to make this promise come true is often overlooked.

Discuss What decisions that you make have a major impact on the direction your life takes? Your marriage partner will have an effect on…. your happiness your standard of living the way you spend your time what your children will be like

Say “I Do” saying it only take a short time, but it commits your for a large portion of your life when you marry, you must use your head not just your heart Let’s talk about all the things you need to think about.

Examining Reasons for Marriage Examining Reasons for Marriage The decision may be affected by circumstances and emotions that really have no place in the decision. Before you marry, examine the reasons behind the decision: the decision should be yours it should be based on love, commitment and careful thought

The Attraction What is it that brings a couple together in the first place? People who base a marriage on physical attraction alone often end up with regrets.

Maturity Level Immaturity can be a stumbling block in a marriage. **Age is a common gauge of maturity.** the younger you are, the less likely you are to be ready for the responsibilities of marriagethe younger you are, the less likely you are to be ready for the responsibilities of marriage you may not realize what you need in a lifetime partneryou may not realize what you need in a lifetime partner the teens and early twenties are years of rapid change—the person you see at this age may be different when maturity is reachedthe teens and early twenties are years of rapid change—the person you see at this age may be different when maturity is reached

Education In general, partners who have the same level of education have a better chance of success in marriage—they are more likely to communicate on the same level. Can you think of other reasons why?

Mutual Interests when couples have different interests, they can retain their separate identities many couples find that sharing at least some interest helps a marriage Why is it important to discuss the interests of your partner before you are married?

Qualities and Habits Whether large or small, look at the personal characteristics that bother you.

Compatibility compatibility: existing together in harmony The way you get along now is an indicator of how you will get along later. Any difficulties you see are likely to get WORSE, not better.

Activity Complete Worksheet Are You Ready for Marriage? (15-20 minutes)

Objectives 1.Evaluate factors that should be considered before deciding to marry.

Review What is compatibility? What are some good reasons to get married? What does maturity level have to do with getting married? Is it important to share mutual interests with your spouse? Why or why not?

Goals and Desires When goals and desires for the future clash, couples may have problems. Compromise Find out what your spouse-to-be wants in life—if you are far apart in your desires, think twice about marriage.

Convictions conviction: something you believe strongly and take very seriously when one spouse feels deeply about an issue and the other disagrees, the chances for conflict and misunderstanding rise sharply share your thoughts with a potential partner you may find that the more differences you discover, the less interest you have in that person as a life mate

Religion interfaith marriage: partners come from different religion Partners who worship in the same faith on a regular basis have similar religious convictions and the lowest breakup faith. the sharper the religious differences, the greater the chances for problems some may decide to convert some decide to follow the customs of both religions in the home

Family The family of your future spouse is very important. it offers clues to what your life may be like compatibility with a future partner’s family

Activity Complete Activity Worksheet Is This Relationship Right? (10 minutes)

Activity Complete Worksheet Before the Knot is Tied (10 minutes)

Pop Quiz 1. T/F Age is often a common gauge of maturity. 2. T/F When you marry, you must use your head not just your heart. 3. A(n) ___ marriage is when partner come from different religions. 4. T/F Your marriage partner has no effect on the direction your life takes. 5. ___ is existing together in harmony.

Objective 1.Evaluate factors that should be considered before deciding to marry.

Review Why is examining the family of your future spouse important? What is an interfaith marriage? What challenges can this type of marriage create? Is it important to have similar convictions as your mate?

Friends When you marry someone, you get more than just the individual—you get your partner’s friends. Friends need not, even should not, be given up for marriage. How do you deal with your partner not liking one of your friends?

Children Discussions about children should take place before marriage. Ask… do you want? how many?

Interracial Marriages interracial marriage: when people of different races fall in love and marry Challenges in general, society has been slow to accept, particularly black-white couples—this attitude is based on prejudice children in such marriages must deal with feelings about their identities and the negative attitudes of some people Solutions strong families

Different Nationalities Travel and study in other countries is more common today—the result is increased opportunities for people of different nationalities to fall in love. traditions lifestyles food preferences MAY NOT BE THE SAME People in these marriages must adjust to having families distanced by the miles.

Role Expectations men and women once had specific gender-related responsibilitiesmen and women once had specific gender-related responsibilities today both men and women do jobs that were once clearly dividedtoday both men and women do jobs that were once clearly divided When talking with a future spouse about roles, explore topics like these: Who should be employed in the family and when? As a couple, how will you handle housework, cooking and home maintenance? How will finances be handled? If you have children, who will care for them?

Parental Input Sometimes parents have reservations about the partner their child has selected. Although it may not be easy, this is a good time to listen. Parents have: your best interests in mind the perspective of experience may see what you have not Be willing to value their opinions and discuss the situation with them.

Counseling When in doubt—GET HELP!!! If you are not sure about the partner you have chosen, you may need the unbiased, but trained, input of a third party.

Putting It All Together Married people usually do their best to make it work. In the beginning….. partners may be more willing to give up certain desires partners may be more tolerant WATCH OUT—in time, differences have a way of surfacing!

Putting It All Together By making an effort to get to know the other person BEFORE you marry, you can find out whether marriage is right for you!

The Wedding can range from simple services to extravagant ceremonies getting agreement on all the details is not always easy—start making arrangements early set a budget carefully plan the many details (see The Wedding Checklist hand out)