1. Chapter 31 Choosing Marriage
Section 1: The Engagement
Section 2: Making Wedding Plans

2. The Engagement
Definition: (in the dictionary)- attracted, involved, intermeshed
“a promise or intention to marry”
Purposes of engagement period:
Prepare for the wedding
Prepare for marriage
Working towards a transition from “me” to “we”

3. Engagement Learning about each other (the book)
Identifying differences (the book)
Developing teamwork
Establishing new relationships- family, friends, children
Seeking advice- premarital counseling

4. Broken engagements 1/3 of all engagements don’t result in marriage
Can be difficult but… whatever the difficulties of a broken engagement, they are far less than those of a troubled marriage or divorce

5. Making Wedding plans
A ceremony with significance- religious, family, friends
Contracts and customs
Contract- binding agreement between two or more people
Laws: marriage has restrictions on minimum age, mental soundness, certain diseases, blood ties (cousins)
A license to marry is issued by the state 30 days before, sometimes with a blood test

6. Prenuptial Agreements
Partners can write them on any issues they wish but are usually about:
Protecting property within marriage
Establishing ownership in case of marital breakup
Defining roles, rights, and duties of each partner

7. Customs
Rings- unending circle, gold- value, strength, and enduring quality
Engagement parties and showers- given by family and friends to celebrate
Bad luck to see each other
Vows- promises in front of friends, family and God (if religious)
Bride’s maids & Groom’s men- help the couple, and “stand up” for them

8. Wedding Concerns Finances Conflicts Traditionally her parents pay
Now it is more common to split 2 (both parents) or 3 (the couple also contributes) ways.
Conflicts
Pleasing family (especially if they are paying)
Photos & seating

9. Chapter 32 Building a Strong Marriage
What make a marriage strong?
Realistic expectations
Commitment-desire to make marriage work
Acceptance
Flexibility
Thoughtfulness
U-shaped satisfaction curve- highs and lows of marriage satisfaction

10. Skills and Resources in Marriage
Communication
Conflict resolution
Sharing intimacy
Sharing decisions
Common values
Managing resources
Spend time together

11. Resources for Married Couples
Family and friends
Marriage enrichment- religious or “retreat”
Counseling

12. The Hard Questions-Susan Piver With a partner- choose 2 “chapters” to analyze
Should agree or the relationship won’t work
should discuss but different answers wouldn’t really matter
wouldn’t even need to discuss
would probably have come up in dating