Dynamics of Interpersonal Relationships Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc. Chapter 9 Dynamics of Interpersonal Relationships

Section 1 WHY WE FORM RELATIONSHIPS Interplay Section 1 WHY WE FORM RELATIONSHIPS Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Attraction We “should” judge people on how they act, but appearance is important in early stages! Do you agree with the authors’ statement, “We view the familiar as beautiful”? We are drawn to people who represent the most average qualities of ourselves and those people we know. Ordinary-looking people with pleasing personalities are likely to be judged as attractive. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Similarity Similarity thesis: Similar likes, economic class, educational standing, values. Similarities are validating. Enable fairly accurate predictions. We assume similar people will like us. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Complimentarity Differences strengthen a relationship when each partner’s characteristics satisfy the other’s needs. Research: Couples studied over a 20- year period: Partners find radical differences intriguing, but then cause relational breakups. Successful couples find ways to balance similarities and differences over the years. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Rewards + Costs = Outcome Exchange theory: We often seek out people who can give us rewards that are greater than or equal to the costs we encounter in dealing with them. Rewards: outcomes that we desire; costs: undesirable outcomes. Rewards + Costs = Outcome Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Rewards Gloria + Raymond: Should she stay or go? Raymond loves Gloria, but has temper, is verbally abusive, has history of unfaithfulness. Gloria uses comparison level: Minimum standard of acceptable behavior OR comparison level of alternatives: comparison between the rewards she receives and those she could expect from others. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Competency We hope others’ skills and abilities will rub off on us. We don’t like people who are too competent. We like people somewhat flawed because we are reminded of ourselves! Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Proximity We develop relationships with people with whom we interact frequently—even in cyberspace. Proximity enables more information about others and benefit from relationships with them. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Disclosure Telling important information about ourselves breeds liking based on respect and trust. Reciprocity is key: We like to get back an amount and kind of information equivalent to that which we reveal. Timing is important: Information should be appropriate to the stage of the relationship and the setting. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Intimacy Closeness makes us healthier and happier. Type of intimacy: Emotional Physical Intellectual Shared activities Not all relationships have all four qualities. Not all relationships operate at the highest level of intimacy. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Gender and Intimacy Research: Women are more interested than men in achieving emotional intimacy. Men more likely to create/express closeness by doing things together: “A friend is someone who doe things for you and with you.” Stresses and misunderstandings occur when men view shared activities or doing favors as closeness, yet women desire emotional disclosure. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Culture and Intimacy What are some cultural differences/ similarities of intimacy behaviors, based on intercultural values/norms? Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Computer-Mediated Communication and Intimacy Why can relational intimacy develop more quickly through CMC than in FtF interactions? Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

The Limits of Intimacy Research: Most people want four to six close, important relationships in their lives at any given time. Obsession with intimacy can lead to less satisfying relationships. There are benefits to polite, “superficial” communication. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Commitment Relational commitment involves a promise, implied or explicit, to remain in a relationship and make that relationship successful. Commitment: Formed and reinforced through communication. Behaviors are important, but without language, commitment may not be clear. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

END OF SECTION CHAPTER CONTINUES IN PART TWO Interplay END OF SECTION CHAPTER CONTINUES IN PART TWO Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.