Courageous conversations

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Presentation transcript:

Courageous conversations

Helpful resources

Objective To explore the way in which we speak to one another and learn how to have courageous conversations

Starting with Scripture God created us in his own image - made for relationship/attachment

What is the reality? We see poor attachments with: Relationship breakdown Family dysfunction Church and business disruption Relational challenges

The Demon Dialogues Find the bad guy The Protest Polka The GOOD NEWS - you can change things

Benefits of courageous conversations Preserving love Resolving alienation Empowering Solving problems Building growth Clarifiying reality

1. Get yourself ready Why you need to be ready Get the log/plank out of your own eye Own your own failure and stop playing the victim Own your own motives Own your own fears Own the other person’s complaints about you Own your own distortion of who the other person is

Deal with your emotions and healing somewhere else Get plugged in Script what you want to say Practice/role play Get expectations into proper perspective

2 Be emotionally present Be warm Be in a conversation and not in a lecture Connect even with the differences Observe yourself

3. Be clear about ‘you‘ and ‘I’ Look at it empathetically Be clear in your own mind Speak from your need and not his/hers Be humble

4. Clarify the problem Clarify the nature of the problem Clarify the effects of the problem Clarify your desire for change

5. Balance grace and truth Keep in mind that the other person needs both just as you do Lead with grace Keep both elements present at the same time Be aware of your imbalances When in doubt go with grace

6. Apologise for you part in the problem

7. Use the formula , when you do x I feel y Concentrate on feelings Identify your feelings Stick to you experience

8. Apologise for you part in the problem

9. Avoid ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’

10. Be specific, specific, specific Sometimes make notes - the importance of documentation Be careful with language

Work sheet Identify a situation that you need to address Why is this a challenge for you? Preparation What is your position? How can you illustrate your thinking, how will you test your view? What might their reaction be?