7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens Weekly Lessons – Week 9

Habit 5 – Seek 1 st to Understand, Then to be Understood Before I can walk in another’s shoes, I must first remove my own. - Unknown You have two ears and one mouth, use them accordingly.

Five Poor Listening Styles – Spacing Out We are too caught up in our own thoughts to listen to what someone is trying to say to us.

Five Poor Listening Styles – Pretend Listening We don’t listen, but pretend to instead.

Five Poor Listening Styles – Selective Listening We pick out part of what someone says and run with it.

Five Poor Listening Styles – Word Listening We take the words at face-value and do not look at the true meaning.

Five Poor Listening Styles – Self-Centered See everything from our own point of view. “I know exactly how you feel!” This can sometimes turn into “competition.” We often JUDGE what people say. We ADVISE them on what to do without being asked. We PROBE them when they are not receptive or ready for it.

Listening in Action Sister – “I don’t like our new school at all. Ever since we moved I’ve felt like the biggest outcast. I wish I could find some new friends.” Categorize each of these types of responses for poor listening by her Brother – “Pass the Cheetos.” “Pass the Cheetos.” “Sounds great.” “Sounds great.” “Speaking of friends, my friend Bart…” “Speaking of friends, my friend Bart…” “What you need to do is start meeting new people.” “What you need to do is start meeting new people.” “You’re not trying hard enough.” “You’re not trying hard enough.” “Are you having trouble with your grades?” “Are you having trouble with your grades?”

Genuine Listening – Listen With Your Eyes, Heart and Ears. Only 7% of communication is in the words we use. 53% is in body language. 40% is in the tone, or how we say the words.

Genuine Listening – Stand In Their Shoes Everyone views situations, the world around them, in a different way from someone else.

Genuine Listening – Practice Mirroring Summarize what you think they said Do NOT mimic

Genuine Listening – Practice Mirroring Mirroring Phrases: “As I get it, you felt that…” “As I get it, you felt that…” “So, as I see it…” “So, as I see it…” “I can see that you’re feeling…” “I can see that you’re feeling…” “You feel that…” “You feel that…” “So, what you’re saying is…” “So, what you’re saying is…”

Listening in Action Sister – “I don’t like our new school at all. Ever since we moved I’ve felt like the biggest outcast. I wish I could find some new friends.” Categorize each of these types of responses for poor listening by her Brother – “Pass the Cheetos.” “Pass the Cheetos.” “Sounds great.” “Sounds great.” “Speaking of friends, my friend Bart…” “Speaking of friends, my friend Bart…” “What you need to do is start meeting new people.” “What you need to do is start meeting new people.” “You’re not trying hard enough.” “You’re not trying hard enough.” “Are you having trouble with your grades?” “Are you having trouble with your grades?” Mirroring Responses – “You feel that school’s kind of tough right now.” “You feel that school’s kind of tough right now.” “It’s the worst. I mean I don’t have any friends…” “It’s the worst. I mean I don’t have any friends…”

Communicating with Parents

Then Seek to be Understood