Introduction To Helping Relationships PowerPoint produced by Melinda Haley, M.S., New Mexico State University. “This multimedia product and its contents are protected under copyright law. The following are prohibited by law: any public performance or display, including transmission of an image over a network; preparation of any derivative work, including the extraction, in whole or part, of any images; any rental, lease, or lending of the program.” “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships Dimensions of the Helping Relationship Within the relationship the helpee may feel: TrustedConfronted SafeNot judged ImportantListened to RespectedValued UnderstoodAccepted “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships What can the helper do to enhance the relationship Be warm and encouraging Show strength and confidence Be consistent and dependable Model honesty and integrity Restrain your own personal needs Resonate with what you sense is going on Be open to change within the relationship Stay flexile Respond therapeutically Show caring and understanding “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships Stages in Helping Building the Working Alliance Who is to be included? Is this family therapy? Will someone other than the helpee be there? Have a distraction free environment. Have a quiet place that facilitates openness and discussion where there is enough space to sit facing each other. Give your undivided attention. With body posture, eye contact, facial expressions etc., let the helpee know you are fully present. “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships Stages in Helping Building the Working Alliance (continued) Focus your concentration. Do not disassociate and start thinking thoughts unrelated to the helpee or the helping process. Show warmth and caring. Be real, don’t play the “role” of the helper. Listen and not just with your ears but with your senses and your whole being. “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships Stages in Helping Building the Working Alliance (continued) Find out expectations and desires. What does the helpee expect you can do for him or her? What does he or she expect from the helping process? Discuss ground rules. What are the parameters of the relationship? Have these been make clear? What are the goals to be worked on? How much time will it take? Learn about the person. Get to know him or her from his or her point of reference. “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships Stages in Helping Building the Working Alliance (continued) Don’t ask too many questions. Listen more than you talk. Ask open ended questions (e.g. questions the helpee can’t answer with a yes or a no). Reflect back what you understand. Try to re-state in your own words what the helpee has expressed in both content and feeling. Your job is not to fix the problem. Your role is to build a relationship in which the helpee feels safe enough to explore his or her issues and then with your guidance and help, come up with his or her own answers. “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships Stages in Helping Building the Working Alliance (continued) Ask the helpee how the helping process is going for them. Do they feel it is helping? What is helping most? Assess the level of resistance. Is the helpee reluctant? Get a commitment to continue. Help the helpee accept responsibility for the process and outcomes, commit to working on the problem or issue between sessions and commit to returning to see you. “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships Stages in Helping Facilitating Positive Action What changes are needed? What needs to be changed and what interventions are appropriate to facilitate the helpee’s goals? Is there a working diagnosis? Do you have a road map of where the helpee needs to be heading that will help with intervention planning? Have the pertinent issues been explored thoroughly? Has enough information been collected? “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships Stages in Helping Facilitating Positive Action (continued) Has transference or countertransference been identified and addressed? Help the helpee identity and work through these feelings and work through your own. Is confrontation needed? If so, is there enough trust in the relationship to sustain it? Have goals been set? Are these realistic and obtainable? Have they been prioritized? “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships Stages in Helping Facilitating Positive Action (continued) What needs to be clarified? What are the helpee’s feelings? Issues? What skills or resources does the helpee have to deal with these? Is there a plan of action? What are the steps that need to be taken to reach the helpee’s goals? How does the “treatment plan” fit with the helpee’s cultural values? Are you imposing your values or is the plan respectful of the helpee’s culture and worldview? “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships Stages in Helping Facilitating Positive Action (continued) How do you terminate the session or helping relationship? Summarize accomplishments and evaluate progress. Make sure to process thoughts or feeling regarding the end (of the session or the helping relationship.) “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships Uses of the Helping Relationship Diagnostic Aid: The helpee probably acts with you much in the same way he or she acts with others. What are the helpee’s coping and interpersonal styles? Is the helpee passive, withdrawn or dependent? Or is the helpee controlling, obnoxious, or dominant? Use the relationship to aid the helpee in identifying patterns that might not be working as well as they could. “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships Uses of the Helping Relationship Unfinished Business or Transference You will remind the helpee of other people in his or her life and he or she may transfer unfinished feelings onto you. Use this opportunity to help the helpee work through this residual feelings. “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships Uses of the Helping Relationship Problem Solving Collaboration Model ways of problem-solving. Aid the helpee in generating new options for himself or herself. Brainstorm! Help the helpee identify opportunity. “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships Uses of the Helping Relationship Novel Interaction Experiences Aid the helpee in discovering new ways of relating to people. Help them be accountable for their behavior. Create the opportunity for honesty, openness and caring. The helpee might not have experienced those things within a relationship. “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships Customized Relationships The relationship with the helpee will change over the course of the relationship. The relationship is dynamic. Each relationship is dependent upon a multitude of variables that will be different for each helping experience (e.g. issues, gender, culture, preferences and needs.) As the stages of helping occur the dimensions of the relationship will reflect that (e.g. trust building, goal setting, limit setting). “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships How to Resolve Conflicts in the Helping Relationship Identify the triggers (What gets you angry or upset). Explore the origins of the conflict (When did it start? What is it about?) Examine the issues (Why do you lose control?) What can be learned? (How does this reflect other aspects of your life?) “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Helping Relationships How to Resolve Conflicts in the Helping Relationship (continued) Resist blaming. It takes two to participate in any conflict. Commit yourself to change. Do whatever is in your power to do. Experiment. Do things differently. Try something new. Use a mediator. If you can’t solve it yourself, ask for help. “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”

Introduction to Helping Relationships Presentation Resources Brammer, L. M. & MacDonald, G. (1999). The helping relationship: Process and skills, 7 th ed. Needham Heights, MA.: Allyn & Bacon. Kottler, J. A. (2000). Nuts and bolts of helping, 1 st ed. Needham Heights, MA: Allyn & Bacon. “Copyright © Allyn & Bacon 2004”