Polyamorous Behaviors of Non-Poly Identified Peoples

Young Luo Polygynous Family

Husband 2nd Wife 4th Wife 3rd Wife 1st Wife Grandmother & Young Children Main Entrance Luo Compound Unmarried Sons Private Entrance

Luo Compound -- Main Entrance

Luo Compound--Private Entrance

Maasai Polygynous Triad

Maasai Compound

Huli Polygynist

Huli Men’s House

Huli Co-Wives House

Huli Men

Enga Women with their Pigs

Sweet Potato Garden

African-American Triad

Multiple Partner Survey March 19 – April 4, 2008 (2 ½ weeks) 716 completed surveys (99.6% completion) 50 Questions

Poly Cultural Conventions Embrace Poly Culture Jealousy Management Compersion NRE Management Disclosure –Transparency –Consensuality

Age Average – 39 Median – 38 Mode – 38 Range 19-74

Sex

Sexual Orientation

Education

Current Religious Practice

Number of Partners

Relationship Patterns

Residence Patterns

Marital Status

Polyamory Affiliation Books and Publications Leaders and Spokespeople Language and Cultural Practices

Books and Publications Love without Limits – 61% The Ethical Slut – 84% Loving More Magazine – 57% None – 12%

Leaders and Spokespeople Deborah (Taj) Anapol – 45% Oberon Zell – 33% Robyn Trask –32% Nan Wise –24% Sasha and Janet Lessin – 21% None – 37%

Language & Cultural Practices NRE (New Relationship Energy) – 67% Compersion – 67% Transparency – 50% NVC (Non-violent Com.) –22% None 17%

Definitions of Polyamory Responsible/ethical/honest non-monogamy Having sex with more than one man A deep, emotional, sometimes physical relationship with more than one partner simultaneously Relationship with multiple people in which everyone knows about each other and is okay about it. Having multiple concurrent romantic relationships with the full informed, uncoerced consent of all parties.

More Poly Definitions Believing that we can love more than one person at the same time, with or without sexual engagement. An exploration into conscious relating that doesn't subscribe to the conventional paradigm of lifelong marriage. Rather than revolving around the couple, it revolves around the individual as a whole and evolving person. Based on non- possessive love.

Do you experience jealousy when your partner/lover appears interested in someone new? Females – 54% Males – 39% Poly Enculturated – 53% Single Heterosexuals – 67% Gay Men – 67% Bisexual Women – 52%

When my partner tells me what a good time they had with one of their lovers, I feel happy for them. Females – 76% Males – 84% Poly Enculturated – 81% Single Heterosexuals – 63% Gay Men – 67% Bisexual Women – 81%

It varies: sometimes I'm genuinely happy for them (both), sometimes I have to force myself to be realistic so as to not feel jealous. Sometimes I'm openly jealous and sometimes I feel indifferent. Compersion Comments It depends on whether I've met and liked the other person. My boyfriend tends to chose poorly for himself, so I'm suspicious until I meet this new person. My husband has no other partners.

More Compersion Comments It's complicated. :-) I am happy that my partner had a great time. But that doesn't mean that hearing all of the details is particularly easy. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. Usually depends on where I am with my own insecurities.

I try to limit my activities with other lovers so that they will not replace/displace my primary relationship. Females – 32% Males – 34% Poly Enculturated – 24% Single Heterosexuals – 34% Gay Men – 30% Bisexual Women – 29%

As for sharing intimate details about other partners/lovers, I find that “ don ’ t ask, don ’ t tell ” is the best practice. Females – 14% Males – 15% Poly Enculturated – 8.6% Single Heterosexuals – 40% Gay Men – 40% Bisexual Women – 11%

When I connect with someone new I find it very difficult to interact romantically with my other partner(s). Females – 4% Males – 2% Poly Enculturated – 4% Single Heterosexuals – 9% Gay Men – 10% Bisexual Women – 3%

My dream/current reality is being part of a residential group marriage. Females – 38% Males – 49% Poly Enculturated – 40% Single Heterosexuals – 16% Gay Men – 30% Bisexual Women – 42%

Conclusions Poly – Enculturated and Bisexual Women have similar patterns regarding their views and practices re: jealousy, compersion and disclosure. Males tend to be less jealous and more compersive than Females Single Heterosexuals and Gay Men are the most jealous and the least transparent. Group Marriage is not an ideal/goal for the majority of respondents.

Observations All practitioners seek to keep the good things they have while accessing more love, (sexual) intimacy and attention. Those who are part of subcultures that embrace transparency and value compersion engage in these beliefs and behaviors as a means to retain all that they value.