KEEPING THE PEACE The importance of resolving conflict

What is conflict? A fight or battle (war) A sharp disagreement-as of interests or ideas A struggle To be incompatible-don’t get along A controversy A quarrel

Why do conflicts occur? Sources of Conflict Limited Resources – Time – Money – property

Why do conflicts occur? Sources of conflict Unmet Basic Needs – Belonging – Power – Freedom – Fun

Why do conflicts occur? Different Values – Convictions – Priorities – Principles – Expectations

Common causes of conflict Difficult people*bullying Broken relationships*anger Jealousy Possessions Racism Gossip Harassment Unmet expectations

Responses to conflict – Avoidance – Withdrawal – Ignoring – Denial

Responses to conflict Confrontation Threats Aggression Anger

Responses to conflict Communication Understanding Respect Resolution

Stress and Conflict Conflicts with People Friends, family, peers Co-workers, teachers Inner Conflicts How do I look or act? What am I accomplishing? What does my future hold? Changes Loss of relative, friend Privileges, job Moving, new school Situations Money worries Family or friend in trouble

Conflict and Anger Anger is the fuel that can make conflict explode into violence. Anger is an emotion. Anger is not bad. Conflict often causes anger. Anger starts in your brain and you can CONTROL IT.

Responses to conflict Your response is the easiest to control

In a Conflict: Take a step back and a deep breath. Check your voice level. Check the pace of your speech. Make eye contact. Sit or stand at eye level so that neither of you is above or below the other. Sitting would be best. Check your body language. Take time to think about what the other person is saying BEFORE you respond.

In a conflict: Acknowledge the other person’s position. Recognize that he or she has needs. – Example: I understand what you are saying. Thank you for being honest about the way you feel. – Use words like “maybe,” “what if,” “I feel,” “I wonder.” – Use “I” Messages. Tell the other person how you feel and what you need. – Repeat and clarify messages. Use active listening. – Focus on the present. Stick to the situation that is causing the problem now.

When Dealing with Conflict, DO NOT Jump to conclusions. Shout or raise your voice. Talk too fast. Think first, then talk. Continuously look down or away from the person. This is nonassertive behavior. Hover above or below the other person. This sends a message of inequality. Make assumptions or interpretations. Bring up past problems.

DO NOT Point your finger, clench your fist, or get in his/her face. Interrupt or react defensively to what you think the other person means without taking time to hear them out. Blame the other person for everything. Use words like “always” or “never.” Use “You” messages, telling the other person what is wrong with them instead of what bothers you about the situation.

COURAGE is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. Winston Churchill