Chapter 7 Dealing with Conflict

Quiz: True or False 1.The more intimate the relationship, the greater the opportunity for conflict. 2. People fight mainly over important issues in their relationship. 3.People should avoid conflict with each other. 4. An argument can often strengthen a relationship. 5. To avoid hurting someone’s feelings when something is bothering you, it is best to say nothing.

Quiz: continued 6. Problems will disappear over time if they are just left alone. 7. When people have conflict, they tend to fight fairly. 8. In order to end an argument, it is better to give in. 9. Bringing up the past often creates more conflict. 10. When there is a problem in a relationship, usually both people are at fault.

YouTube - In the Mix: Conflict Resolution -- Thinking It Through (Excerpt) Discuss: Write down who it is that you tend to have the most conflict with. How close is your relationship with that person? Why is there so much conflict with those we have the closest relationships?

The most intense conflicts you will experience are probably in your family, in love relationships, among your friends and with close coworkers. Conflict is a part of life because each of us is unique and we have our own idea and experiences. We often see things differently from the way others do. These differences can lead to conflict. Give examples of how we may see things differently: (Think of things that you tend to argue about.)

Conflict can cause hurt feelings and relationship problems so it is important to learn ways to deal with conflict to avoid negative results. Conflict can also be a positive force in your life. How so? Learning to manage and resolve conflict constructively can help you feel better by improving your physical and mental health. Unresolved conflict can have serious negative effects on health, both mental and physical. Discuss examples:

Controlling Anger p Take a deep breath. Count to ten or think of something else for a second. 2. Think about what’s got you steamed. Ask yourself, “Why?” “Why now?” 3. Get out- away from the situation or person until you calm down. 4. Work out. Sweat off some of those negative emotions. 5. Talk, talk, talk- to parents, friends, teachers, coaches, or counselors. 6. S-t-r-e-t-c-h yourself to see all sides of the problem.

If you have a sense of what is right for you, you can respect the values of others, but still live up to your own standards. Those without a strong sense of self often do not deal well with conflict because they aren’t sure exactly what they stand for.

Minimize the negative Conflict creates negative feelings such as anger, frustration, and hurt. It can lead to boredom, poor relationships, depression, drug use and abuse, or other physical and mental health problems. When conflict goes unresolved, people make more self-destructive choices.

Build a better relationship Conflict in a relationship is like a splinter. If it is not resolved or removed, the relationship can become infected and unhappy. Resolving conflicts can heal and improve your relationships. It can relieve tension and bring you closer together than before. People who work through their conflicts often understand each other better.

What causes conflict? P Resources: Each person has only a limited number of resources- whether the resource is money, time, possessions, or skills. When two or more people are competing for the same resource, conflict results. Needs: Personal needs and wants are often the basis of conflict. Values: Different values are a major source of conflict in many situations.

The issues that create conflict also provide clues about what it will take to resolve the problem.

The conflict Escalator Look in your book on page 120. Conflict escalation and violence are often “learned” from others. What or who are the “violence teachers” in your community? How could the impact of these “teachers” be reduced or eliminated?

RESOLVING CONFLICT Deal with the issue as soon as possible. Don’t take it personally. Decide not to react emotionally Negotiate

Compromise Be flexible Remove attacks Focus on the problem and see it as separate from the person you are arguing with. Look for a SOLUTION, this is not a competition. Make offers, make reasonable and realistic demands, and establish consequences.

What does conflict resolution look like? YouTube - A Funny Disagreement between Husband and WifeYouTube - A Funny Disagreement between Husband and Wife