The Path A Different View Part 1

First things first  Arm folding exercise

Arm fold  What did you learn?  Great!  What you should have learned is that we all have set ways of doing things and when we are asked to do something different it won’t be automatic  It’s no different in the way we communicate and relate with others

The Path Principle  What’s the path principle?  Your direction, not your intention, determines your destination

The Path Principle  What areas of your life have you seen the path principle play out?  School  Chores  Work  Heart/Sweat  Punching your sibling  Example: Draw the comic

The Goal  Take the Path Principle and apply it to the way we relate to people  Your direction not your intention (intentioned communication) determines your destination (of those relationships)

Reality is your friend  Perception is reality  What we see is what we believe, but often what we see isn’t true  Example: Do you want to go to school with your pants unzipped or would you rather your mom tell you before you leave the house?

Reality in relationships  Everyone has different social styles  We even interact differently with different people  How do you interact with:  Long time friends?  New people?  Siblings?  Parents?  Boss?  HSM Leaders?

Reality in relationships  Among those groups of people, do you act differently when it’s time to:  Work?  Play?  Eat?  Relax?  Party?

Communication  What “makes” communication?  7% is based off meaning of words  38% based on the way we say those words  Tone  55% based on nonverbal cues  Facial expressions

Example  Turn to the person next to you. What are the different ways this sentence could be interpreted?  I don’t kick my dog

Social Styles  There is no right or wrong style  Roughly 25% of the population falls into each category  Categories are created by cross examining responsiveness (task vs. people) and assertiveness (ask vs. tell)  These are not directly related to Myers-Briggs, temperament, Strength Finders, DSST or any other test you may have taken.  It’s another tool to help you understand yourself and others

Responsiveness and Assertiveness  This week we will discuss responsiveness and assertiveness  Next week we will discuss how each style interacts and what it take to have the most productive interaction

Responsiveness and Assertiveness  Responsiveness – The measure of expressing  Assertiveness – The measure of influencing

Responsiveness and Assertiveness  Responsiveness – The measure of expressing  Task Directed  People Directed  Assertiveness – The measure of influencing  Ask Directed  Tell Directed

Responsiveness- Task Directed  Usually more reserved in expressing emotions  Focus on task at hand  After work is done may take up interpersonal topics  Talk about the facts of a project  Nonverbal cues  Composed posture  Level tone of voice  Contained gestures  Limited facial expressions

Responsiveness- Task Directed  Don’t hate you  Still experience full range of emotions  Express those emotions different

Responsiveness- People Directed  Express emotions openly and freely  Focus on feelings and relationship issues  Talk about the people on their project  Nonverbal cues  Broad and varied gestures  Variable tone of voice  More facial expressions

Responsiveness- People Directed  Working relationships are highly valued as well as building cooperation  Believe that relating will help the task get done at a higher level

Responsiveness and Assertiveness  Responsiveness – The measure of expressing  Task Directed  People Directed  Assertiveness – The measure of influencing  Ask Directed  Tell Directed

Assertiveness  Clarification:  Because we all want something we are assertive  The comparison here is how we go about getting what we want  Again, not good or bad but different.  Can be bad if used incorrectly  I.e. Manipulation or overbearing

Assertiveness- Ask Directed  More subtle and indirect  Ask more question  Tend to suggest or offer ideas  Not make strong statements or present conclusions  Seldom interrupts others  Rarely uses voice for emphasis  Uses conditional statements

Assertiveness- Ask Directed  Nonverbal cues  Lean back in chair when speaking  Talk more slowly, allow pauses  Appear calm and composed

Assertiveness- Tell Directed  More up front in statements/body language  Speak at faster pace  Take initiative  Use voice for emphasis  Uses declarative statements

Assertiveness- Tell Directed  Nonverbal cues  More direct  Leaning forward during conversation  Louder and faster

Tell vs. Ask  Tell – Push the boundary until they are told to either stop, or they have found it  Ask – Where’s the boundary of my authority?

Versatility  Ability to adjust your social style to connect with the most people – JM Abbrev Vers  Plays out when you notice the differences in social styles of someone and can change to accommodate them  You are versatile if this begins to characterize you  Talk to your leader about 7 Stages of Character Development

Versatility  Versatility is looking out for the best of those involved in communication  Application of Heart Attitude #1  Put the goals and interests of others above your own

Philippians 2:3-4  3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. (NASB)

Matthew 7:12  In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets. (NASB)

Next week  We will look into the specific social styles and how to relate to each on in a way that helps the other person  Application of Heart Attitude #1

Conclusion  Your direction not your intention (intentioned communication) determines your destination (of those relationships)