Presentation by: Dr. Linda Olson

When someone asks you what is childhood domestic violence what is the first thing that comes to mind?

A Child’s Perspective From the Mouth of A Child They’re Having a Fight Because…… This Has Been Going On Forever.

What is CDV? Childhood Domestic Violence (CDV) is growing up in a home with domestic violence. From a childhood standpoint, domestic violence is violence between parents or towards a parent, perhaps from a stepparent or significant other. Violence can be physical or nonphysical, or both. It does not matter whether or not the child is the direct target of the violence. Simply “witnessing” the violence can leave, according to Anthony Robbins, "an indelible mark” on a child, and have a profound and lasting impact on his or her life and hopes for the future. The word “witness” does not adequately capture the impact.

Did you grow up living with domestic violence? Growing up, was there physical violence in your home between your parents or caregivers? Was the physical violence also directed towards you? Did your parents or caregivers frequently use words and tone of voice as weapons towards one another? Were words and tone of voice also directed towards you? If you answered yes to any of the above questions you grew up experiencing Childhood Domestic Violence.

Am I alone? There is less than 10% awareness of CDV and few known and widely practiced solutions. Globally, UNICEF calls childhood domestic violence one of the most pervasive rights violations in the world today, affecting a billion people worldwide. Over 55 million people in the US alone – Roughly 15+ million children are living with it today and 40 million adults grew up with it as children. That’s 1 in 7 people. UNICEF calls it “one of the most pervasive human rights issues of our time.”

Impact of CDV As A Child Growing up living with domestic violence negatively wires a developing brain and the formation of the cognitive belief system. It encodes a series of negative beliefs – LIES – very early in life that one grows up to believe about themselves. And then, the brain, doing its job, seeks to find more evidence of what it believes to be true. Because the way we feel and act is consistent with who we believe we are, they often act as such, which makes them: 6x more likely to commit suicide, 50x more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, and 74x more likely to commit a violent crime.

Impact of CDV As An Adult A woman's need to PROVE her WORTH to a man and DEFEND that she is not a stupid, lazy worthless whore or other even more demeaning words are very common and reflect the self-blame and self- shame that live in women who feel controlled in abusive relationships. A woman will NEVER be able to leave an abusive and violent relationship until she stops BLAMING and SHAMING herself for her partners abuse. It is this SELF- BLAME and SELF- SHAME that keeps the woman such and reinforces the abuse cycle.

Debilitating Impact of Fear I lived in fear, shame, and denial for most of my life. I was afraid to speak the truth. I was afraid to admit the truth. What I now know fear, secrecy, and denial reinforce more fear secrecy and denial. I am not afraid to live in the truth anymore

History Repeats: Unending Loop? According to UNICEF, “The single best predictor of children becoming either perpetrators or victims of domestic violence later in life is whether they grow up in a home where there is domestic violence.” But the most profound impact, according to leading experts, is that they will NOT reach their full potential… UNLESS…they unlearn all the negative beliefs learned in childhood.

The LIES that CDV teaches Lie Truth FEARFUL Bad things are going to happen. I have to focus on protecting myself from them. I am safer if I don’t try. CONFIDENT I have more courage than I know.

The LIES that CDV teaches Lie Truth GUILTY It was my fault. I caused it. I should have stopped it. FREE I now realize that I couldn’t be responsible for the actions of adults.

The LIES that CDV teaches Lie Truth ANGRY Anger gives me the power and control I never had. PASSIONATE I transform the impulse of anger and resentment into passion.

The LIES that CDV teaches Lie Truth HOPELESS Good things don’t happen to people like me. GUIDED The injustice I experienced as a child created a spiritual strength inside me.

The LIES that CDV teaches Lie Truth SAD I feel more bad than good each day. GRATEFUL If I choose to focus on them, I have so many things to be grateful for.

The LIES that CDV teaches Lie Truth RESENTFUL The more I tear you down, the bigger I become. COMPASSIONATE I have compassion for myself and can now have it for others.

The LIES that CDV teaches Lie Truth WORTHLESS I’m not good enough. I’m worth-less. ACCOMPLISHED I have conquered something that few will ever have to endure.

The LIES that CDV teaches Lie Truth ALONE I don’t trust others easily and at times I feel alone. TRUSTING I choose to assume positive intent. This will attract others to me.

The LIES that CDV teaches Lie Truth UNATTRACTIVE I feel self-conscious and unattractive. ATTRACTIVE As I discover the truth about myself, I feel more attractive and am to others.

The LIES that CDV teaches Lie Truth UNLOVABLE I don’t understand what love is and I don’t deserve to be loved. LOVING I now understand the hurt inside me and I feel more loved and lovable each day.

Post Traumatic Growth “Invincible” forward by Tony Robbins I am grateful I finally had the courage to leave. We cannot heal what we do not acknowledge. The best way to heal ourselves is to heal others. Advocacy is key to our healing.

Victorious Over CDV All empirical research shows that the only way ANY of us heal is to: 1. Acknowledge our pain. 2. Share our story with others 3. Give back and be of service to others. The goal is to TRANSFORM our pain INTO HEALING OTHERS!

Raising Awareness Learn More about CDV by connecting with charity websites:

In Memory of My Two Sisters…