Domestic Abuse Couple therapy as a way to help children Asbjørn Solevåg, Phd Grete Lilledalen, Phd Dimitrij Samoilow, Phd

Paris Workshop / dato: Concerns and consequences for children living in families with violence 50% of the children living with violence between adults are also experiencing violence themselves Consequences of witnessing violence are as serious as being a victim of physical abuse Reduced caring competence Lacking problem-solving competence

Paris Workshop / dato: Inspiration Sandra Stith & Eric McCollum Arlene Vetere Systemic model Confidentiality Stable third Differentiate between safety work and couples therapy

Paris Workshop / dato: Target group for this approach Parents who wish to continue living together, in spite of violence Escalating, loud quarrelling. One or both exposed to threats and/or physical violence Episodic violence, not “patriarchal terrorism.” Children and one parent, according to exclusion criteria.

Paris Workshop / dato: When violence becomes an issue: Stop traditional couples therapy, develop a safety plan Inform how we work: –Focus on security and planning for safety –Two therapists work together –Safety plan and non-violence contract –Always return to Safety work –Confidentiality and Stable 3. –Videoillustration

Paris Workshop / dato: Exclusion criteria's Inability to empathize with the victim or to listen to another point of view Consistent blaming others, either family or professionals Inability to work with professionals, or to see them as helpful Extreme values, such as lack of respect for social control, or seeing women as objects rather than people Inability to acknowledge that violence is a problem Inability to accept responsibility for violent behaviour

Paris Workshop / dato: Exclusion criteria cont. Inability to work constructively to solve problems around violence Lack of appropriate boundaries around anger expression Problems with drugs and alcohol and an unwillingness to seek treatment No internal motivation for change No acknowledgement that relational factors may contribute to the problem

Paris Workshop / dato: Security work Detailed inquiry –Recent, or most serious violent incident –When did the violence happen –Where did the violence happen –Type of violence and degree of seriousness –Describing violence over time –The situation for the children when violence took place –Video illustration

Paris Workshop / dato: Security work cont. Assessing violence together, or separately Questions asked to the violent partner Use of assessment forms

Paris Workshop / dato: Non-violence contract and Safety plan An agreement of not using violence any more Plan on how to achieve this: - Details –Concrete plans on who does what in specific situations –Time-out –Both partners are responsible to protect both themselves and the children –Practical arrangements

Paris Workshop / dato: Confidentiality Confidentiality can not be maintained when there is violence. Violence is a public matter Social control, motivate, be supportive, leave privacy Ensure safety for the family and for the therapist Difficult therapeutic work The credibility of the agency

Paris Workshop / dato: Stable Third Official agency, or community network trusted by both parents Regular contact with the family, the person has to feel comfortable presenting a third perspective. Consistent communication with the therapists Therapeutic challenges.

Paris Workshop / dato: Conversations with parents about their children Detailed mapping makes the children’s situation more obvious for the parents. Children ‘see and know’, opposite of the parents claims Making the role as mother and father more obvious. Discuss possible consequences for the children in present and future situations.

Paris Workshop / dato: Conversations with parents about their children cont. The parent’s conversation with their children –Predictability and safety –How children percieve meaning –guilt, shame, sorting out responsibility –Conveying values –Acknowledging and owning feelings

Paris Workshop / dato: Multi-agency collaboration Keep hold of a systemic perspective which helps: –Coherent perspective –Everybody working in the same direction – what is best for the children –Coordinating tasks and sorting out responsibility –Emergency management plan –Cooperation with the child protection services, Women shelters, the police, lawyers, psychiatric units, schools, social welfare systems

Paris Workshop / dato: Child protective services The importance of dual trust and cooperation Duty to provide information Genuine cooperation vs note of concern Challenges: –To know each others competences, working methods and legal regulations –Resources –The importance of personal relationship; vulnerability –Our own presuppositions and experiences –The tradition of the Family Counselling Centres

Paris Workshop / dato: Focus on Couple therapy Requiring a non-violence contract, safety plan and being confident that violence has stopped Always go back to safety questions If violence, back to safety work “Traditional” couples therapy, but specific challenges concerning earlier experiences of violence –Trust –Forgiveness –Nonverbal/verbal communication, pre interpreting, fear –Family of origin, earlier experience of violence, history of violence –Managing conflicts –Cultural differences