1. Lundy Bancroft

2. KEY CONCEPTS There are multiple sources of psychological injury to children from exposure to men who batter. Professional responses need to address all of these sources. Blaming the children’s mother will not help the children.

3. KEY CONCEPTS Pressuring the mother to leave is likely to harm the children more than help them. Post-separation risks to children from the batterer are serious and complex.

4. HIS BEHAVIOR TOWARDS MOM Physical and sexual violence Threats and the instilling of fear Physical harm to children during these assaults Verbal abuse, degradation, and humiliation

5. HIS BEHAVIOR TOWARD CHILDREN Very high likelihood of: Chronic emotional manipulation Emotional/verbal abuse and cruelty Exposing children to these behaviors toward siblings

6. HIS BEHAVIOR TOWARD CHILDREN Dramatically increased risk of: Physical abuse Sexual abuse / incest perpetration Exposing children to these behaviors toward siblings

7. HIS IMPACT ON MOTHER’S PARENTING Undermining of her authority Interference with her right to take care of her children Trauma, depression, and other emotional effects of the battering on her Physical injury to her from the battering

8. HIS IMPACT ON FAMILY DYNAMICS All of the above points, plus: Sowing of divisions Use of the children as weapons against Mom

9. HIS INDOCTRINATING STATEMENTS Teaches them to blame their mothers Teaches them to blame siblings Teaches them to blame themselves Teaches them that he is not responsible for his actions (and they adopt his excuses)

10. HIS INDOCTRINATING STATEMENTS Teaches them that males are superior to females, teaches contempt Teaches them how to perpetrate, and get away with, domestic violence Teaches them, should they ever become targets of abuse by others, to blame themselves and try to please the abuser.

11. SOURCES OF CHILDREN’S INJURY His physical and sexual violence toward Mom His damage to mother-child relationships His direct targeting of the children

12. SOURCES OF CHILDREN’S INJURY His teaching of destructive, violent, and oppressive values and attitudes His damage to sibling relationships

13. “Solutions” That Don’t Work Conjoint counseling involving the batterer with either the abused woman or the children Anger management for the batterer Mediation Interviewing mother or children with the batterer present

14. “Solutions” that Don’t Work Parent education courses for the mother or for the batterer Harsh, adversarial relationship with the mother, or with the batterer

15. “Solutions” That Don’t Work Allowing staff to become charmed by the batterer. Dismissing the mother’s concerns. Telling the mother that the abuser has changed.

16. Solutions That Do Work Forming a collaborative relationship with the mother Educating the mother about domestic violence, even if she denies its presence. Encourage (and perhaps require) mother to participate in abused women’s services.

17. Solutions That Do Work Offering mother services for attendant problems she may have (e.g. substance abuse, employability, mental health) Engaging her in safety planning and strategizing (see Safety Planning with Battered Women) Understanding the importance of time

18. SOLUTIONS THAT DO WORK Strength-based approach to mother Her history of help-seeking Her ability to draw on resources Her level of concern for her children Her history of efforts to protect them

19. Solutions That Do Work Perform proper assessment of the level of risk to the children (physical, sexual, and emotional risks) Danger assessment of the batterer Mother’s protective abilities and resources Children’s functioning Children’s direct exposure to the abuse

20. Solutions That Do Work Design an intervention that matches the level of risk. Do not punish mother for failure to cooperate – removal of children should happen only in very high risk cases. (Nicholson case)

21. Solutions That Do Work Offer specialized domestic violence services to children where available Collaborate with local systems and providers to create/fund such services Offer other healing/empowering activities to children

22. Solutions That Do Work Specialized individual therapy for children if group work is not possible Look for / create ways to support mother-child relationships, including conjoint activities

23. SOLUTIONS THAT DO WORK Create/support consequences for the batterer through the legal system if possible Use batterer intervention counseling if high-quality program available (see LundyBancroft.com article)

24. PARENTING WORK WITH BATTERERS Work with batterers on their parenting, but only with respect to: Effects on children of exposure to battering Child abuse prevention Proper co-parenting Respecting the children ’ s mother Respecting her maternal authority Sharing decision-making

25. SOLUTIONS THAT DO WORK Assess the batterer’s dangerousness Assess his level of concern for the children Assess his willingness to participate in services and collaborate with workers

26. SOLUTIONS THAT DO WORK Avoid being fooled/manipulated by the batterer Form as collaborative a relationship as possible with batterer, but keep very careful boundaries Press him to own his problem and change

27. COMMUNITY COLLABORATION Improving communication between child protection and courts Collaboration and cross-training between child protection and women’s programs Domestic violence advocates placed in child protection offices

28. COMMUNITY COLLABORATION Case reviews / multi-disciplinary teams Community task forces on domestic violence / children’s exposure Police – mental health collaboration CPS – Batterer Intervention collaboration

29. COMMUNITY COLLABORATION Collaborations involving schools Mental health – women’s programs collaboration Collaborations involving juvenile judges and probation officers

30. COMMUNITY COLLABORATION Initiatives that focus on involving men Community awareness and education initiatives You can help protect children from domestic violence!