Effects on Families
The drugs and alcohol used by the substance abuser are "intoxicants." Over a period of time, many family members begin to experience emotions that leave them "intoxicated" as well. These emotions are called "Intoxicant Emotions." They include: ◦ shame ◦ Guilt ◦ Resentment ◦ self-pity ◦ Worry ◦ anger
People who have grown up in families with addiction tend to experience difficulties in parenting. ◦ There may be difficulty with discipline - in setting "bottom lines". ◦ You may not want to make your parents’ mistakes, but you may not know how to do things differently. ◦ You may be striving for perfection and your expectations may be too high, resulting in frustration, self-doubt and disappointment
Often grown children of addicted parents choose partners with similar backgrounds or addictions. Sometimes it's because the partner seems familiar or "comfortable". Sometimes it's because of the past relationship between parent and child. If the child took care of the parent, he or she may be looking for a partner who is just as needy. families.htm
These emotions "intoxicate" a person in that they change the way someone feels when he or she indulges in them. An emotion such as shame may cause a person to hide, be secretive, feel depressed, or be unable to sleep. Source:
There are three unwritten rules when you are living with addiction: ◦ Don't talk ◦ don't trust ◦ don't feel All three rules must be broken to begin the healing process. Children living with addiction need to know they can talk to someone about their situation. They need to learn how to share their feelings and how to stay safe.
There are 4 stages of family illness before the family either "bottoms out" or enters recovery: 1. The Concern Stage 2. The Defense Stage 3. The Adaptation Stage 4. The Exhaustion Stage
What now? This is the stage where family members are acting out of a genuine concern. They are only beginning to experience the effects of alcohol and drug abuse by a loved one. Family members at this stage have no idea what they are up against.
Family members have blocked out the reality of the situation and are going in and out of denial Families are preoccupied with the addict's or alcoholic's behavior
They protect the addict by lying to other family members, employers, or to others about their behavior. While tolerating the addict's behavior, they feel increasingly responsible for the family problems. The result is the "blockouts" increase, too. They can't remember all the negative behavior of the addict and tend to minimize the consequences.
Family members try to change their own behavior to adapt to the addict’s behavior. This is a critical phase that may cause family members to either become obsessed with the addict, or they may begin to drink or use drugs themselves. Family members may attempt to become "the perfect person" hoping that will make the addict/alcoholic happy and change his/her ways. It is at this time that family members may begin to feel they are "losing their minds," become absent minded, feel like failures, and need medical or mental health care. They often give so much to others that they have nothing left to take care of themselves. ddrugaddiction.htm
Family members defend their use of intoxicant emotions, just like the addict defends his use of drugs or alcohol. They lose their self-worth and experience severe anxiety or depression. All excuses fail and fear rules their lives. They have reached their "bottom." Family members must choose to admit the problem and recover, face insanity or death. They absolutely cannot go on the way things are. When they reach this point, family members must admit their problems and accept help in dealing with them.
In Winnipeg…..
Klinic Crisis Line Phone: (204) Toll-free: (888) Note: a province-wide service Winnipeg Region Administration Office 1031 Portage Avenue Winnipeg, Manitoba R3G 0R8 Phone: Toll Free: Fax:
Let’s visit the website below to learn the effects of violence on family members: Public Health Grey Bruce Public Health Grey Bruce