Drafting and Revising Effective Sentences Chapter 11 Presented By Blake O'Hare Chris McClune

effective sentences Outline Sentence structure Word choice Language barrier

effective sentences Use lists Use bulleted lists, if allowed: TPS reports should be 3-5 pages in length preceded by a correctly- formatted cover page stapled within one centimeter of the top left corner of the page

effective sentences Use lists Otherwise, number the list items within the paragraph: TPS reports should be (1) 3-5 pages in length, (2) preceded by a correctly- formatted cover page, and (3) stapled within one centimeter of the top left corner of the page.

effective sentences Sentence organization Put important information at the end Express parallel elements in parallel structures We anticipate a delay because of the labor problems. Under special circumstances, the joint could fail. Awkward: Our current system is costing us profits and reduces our productivity. Parallel: Our current system is costing us profits and reducing our productivity.

effective sentences Modifiers Comma use Restrictive modifier: Alters the meaning; no comma Non-restrictive modifier: Can be omitted; use a comma Don't misplace modifiers Place as close as possible to the proper referent. The office near the window is mine. The window, which is broken, overlooks the park.

effective sentences Sentence Length Average: words Too long: 35+ words per sentence, several times in a row Too short: Fewer than 10 words Vary sentence length

effective sentences Sentence Length Avoid long sentences by: Dividing the sentence in two Extracting a list from sentence elements Avoid short sentences by: Using punctuation to lengthen the sentence i.e. commas, colons, semicolons Combining sentences

effective sentences Focus on the real subject Grammatical subject = real subject Common errors Using grammatical expletives It is, there is, there are,... Hiding the subject in prepositional phrase Writing in passive voice Unclear: The use of this method eliminates the problem. Clear: This method eliminates the problem.

effective sentences Focus on the real verb Nominal verb: verb changed to a noun Weaker verb replaces the original Causes awkward and confusing sentences To conduct an analysis instead of To analyze

effective sentences Outline Sentence structure Word choice Language barrier

effective sentences Level of formality Informal, moderate, or formal Consider Audience Subject Purpose Prefer formal to informal

effective sentences Be Clear and Specific In general, use active voice Shorter sentence Emphasizes the agent Problems with passive voice Can be used unethically to avoid responsibility Often unclear who did the action Possible objection to active voice Emphasizes the person rather than the work

effective sentences Passive Voice Check Microsoft Word: Tools Grammar Options Settings

effective sentences Be Clear and Specific Use precise words Provide adequate detail Avoid ambiguity Automobile rather than vehicle Vague: An engine on the plane experienced some difficulties. Clear: The left engine on the Martin 411 lost power during flight.

effective sentences Be Clear and Specific Avoid unnecessary jargon Use positive constructions Avoid cliches Be original and fresh Difficult: Because the team did not have sufficient time to complete the project... Simpler: Because the team had too little time to complete the project...

effective sentences Be Clear and Specific Avoid long noun strings Avoid euphamisms It's an ethical issue. Unclear: preregistration procedures instruction sheet Clear: instruction sheet for preregistration procedures i.e. Career-change-opportunity creation instead of firing

effective sentences Be Concise Avoid obvious statements Avoid filler Avoid unnecessary prepositional phrases Filler words: basically, various, kind of, certain Redundant expressions: past history, still remain, very unique

effective sentences Be Concise Avoid wordy phrases Avoid pompous words Wordy: On a weekly basis Concise: Weekly Pompous: Initiate Plain: Begin

effective sentences Use Inoffensive Language Use nonsexist language Use non-gender-specific words Switch to the plural or second person Indicate both genders (i.e. he or she) Alternate genders from one paragraph to the next Firefighters instead of firemen

effective sentences Use Inoffensive Language When referring to people with disabilities Refer to the person first, the disability second Don't confuse handicap with disability Don't refer to victimization Don't refer to a person as wheelchair bound or confined to a wheelchair Don't refer to people with disabilities as abnormal

effective sentences Outline Sentence structure Word choice Language barrier

effective sentences Simplified English Intended for nonnnative speakers Follows basic grammar rules Uses a vocabulary of about 1,000 words Excludes Words with multiple meanings Complex terms and phrases

effective sentences Preparing Text for Translation Use short sentences Average less than 20 words each Use active voice Use simple words Define technical terms in a glossary

effective sentences Preparing Text for Translation Don't use words with multiple meanings Be clear when using pronouns Avoid jokes, puns, and culture-specific references Replace right with correct

effective sentences Questions? ?