Organization  Paragraph #1: Introductory Paragraph - thesis: Restate the topic and give supporting details/reasons - thesis should come at the END of intro paragraph - AG = Attention grabber! “iPods should be allowed in the classroom because they reduce stress and motivate the student to learn.”  Body Paragraph #1: First Supporting Detail/Reason - which detail will it discuss? - what sentence should be the first sentence? - how? (evidence)  Body Paragraph #2: second supporting Detail/Reason - which detail will it discuss? - what sentence should be the first sentence? - how? (evidence)  Paragraph # 4: Concluding Paragra ph

Content  Transition into new ideas and statements  Faulty logic “it is our right to wear what we want to wear to school.”  Make the connection between your concrete details and supporting details/reasons  Concrete details MUST BE RELEVANT  Avoid “Bandwagon” statements – “  ”students sneak their iPods so schools should just let students use them in the classroom”  Weak thesis statements - explicitly stating what you will discuss “In my essay I will prove…” “I strongly believe...” “In my opinion…”

Punctuation/Grammar  Don’t begin a sentence with a FANBOYS or coordinating conjunction - For -And -Nor -But -Or -Yet -So  Don’t end a sentence with a preposition - at -of - off -to -from  Don’t use a “fragmented” portion of a complete sentence “Students love to listen to music. Which is why they should be able to listen to their iPods in class.”  ONE SENTENCE ONE PARAGRAPH

Diction  Use FORMAL LANGUAGE IN A FORMAL ESSAY  Avoid “-thing” words – be more specific -”iPods help students with a lot of things”  Adopt a FORMAL TONE  Avoid slang - “Stuff” -”Anyways” (not a real word) -”dumb”  Avoid loud punctuation “!”  Avoid contractions - can’t  cannot Shouldn’t -  should not

Point of View and Addressing the Reader  Do NOT: Incorporate second person --- “you & your” - Avoid first person – “We, us, our” - Assume you know what the reader is thinking because you don’t - exhaust rhetorical questions  What is wrong with this sentence? “ In my opinion the dress code at our school is stupid. Would you want to walk around in 100 degrees whether in jeans? Of course not! I’m sure your thinking that its dumb to. Anyways, I think we should wear what we want because we are almost adults and its our right to wear what we want to wear.” There are approximately 20 errors…

Additional Markings Explained  Conj.  an error involving a conjunction  Prep.  an error involving a preposition  Sub-Verb Agreement/ Sub-Verb  the subject and verb do not agree  Cont.  contraction use (avoid)   Spelling error  Relevance?  how is this idea relevant to your topic Please Add these to your Sophomore Packet Proof reading page Sp.