1 12: Inter-Act, 13 th Edition 12: Inter-Act, 13 th Edition ConflictConflict

2 Interpersonal Conflict A disagreement between two interdependent people who perceive that they have incompatible goals

3 Conflict is: Natural Neither good nor bad Inevitable Potentially constructive Culturally based

4 Types of Conflict Pseudo – conflict that is apparent, not real Fact – information one person presents is disputed by the other Value – deep-seated beliefs about what is good or bad, worthwhile or worthless, desirable or undesirable, moral or immoral Policy – disagreement over a plan, course of action, or behavior Ego – “winning” is the primary goal Meta – disagreements about how to disagree

5 Types of Conflict Pseudo Fact Value Policy Ego Meta Conflicts become complicated when they escalate to involve values, egos, and communication styles.

6 Styles of Managing Conflict Withdrawing – physically or psychologically removing oneself from the conflict Accommodating – satisfying others’ needs while neglecting your own Forcing – attempting to satisfy your own needs with no concern for the other or harm done to the relationship

7 Styles of Conflict Management (continued) Compromising – attempting to resolve conflict by mutually agreeing to provide at least some satisfaction for both parties Collaborating – trying to solve the problem by arriving at a solution that meets the needs and interests of both parties in the conflict

8 Conflict Styles High concern for self High concern for other AccommodatingCollaborating Compromising WithdrawingForcing

9 Approaches to Conflict Win/LoseOne party gets satisfaction Lose/WinThe other party gets satisfaction Lose/LoseNeither party gets satisfaction Win/WinBoth parties feel satisfied

Which approach to conflict management creates a win/win situation? 10 Collaboration

11 Collaborative Problem-Solving Define the problem. Analyze the problem. Develop mutually acceptable criteria for judging solutions. Generate solution alternatives. Select the solution that best meets the criteria identified.

Face Negotiation Face negotiation theory: we prefer conflict styles consistent with our cultural frame and the resulting face orientations 12

Cultural Variations of Face Western Hemisphere Individualistic and low context Self-face orientation: uphold and protect self- image in interactions with others Eastern and Southern Collectivist and high context Other-face orientation: uphold and protect the self-images of partners even at the risk of our own face Mutual-face orientation: uphold and protect others’ self-images and our own 13

14 Destructive Behaviors in Conflicts Serial arguing: arguing about the same issue Counterblaming: moves focus away from self by blaming the other person Cross-complaining: trading unrelated criticisms, leaving the initial issue unresolved Demand-withdrawal: one partner demands while the other withdraws Mutual hostility: both partners trade increasingly negative and/or hostile remarks

Break Patterns of Destructive Conflict Avoid negative start-ups. Manage anger. De-escalate the conflict: –Identify the trigger. –Calm your partner and yourself. –Take a break from the conversation. –Inject humor (but not at your partner). 15

16 Collaborative Conflict Conversation 1.Mentally rehearse. 2.Recognize and state ownership of the conflict. 3.Describe the conflict in terms of behavior, consequences, and feelings. 4.Avoid blaming or ascribing motives. 5.Keep it short. 6.Be sure the other person understands your problem. 7.Phrase your preferred solution in a way that focuses on common ground.

17 Responding to Conflict 1.Put your shields up. Listen impartially. 2.Respond empathically with genuine interest and concern. 3.Ask questions and paraphrase your understanding of the problem. 4.Seek common ground. 5.Ask the initiator to suggest alternative solutions.

18 Mediator A neutral and impartial guide, structuring an interaction that enables the conflicting parties to find a mutually acceptable solution to their problems

19 Mediating Conflict 1.Make sure that the people having the conflict agree to work with you. 2.Establish ground rules. 3.Probe until you identify the real conflict. 4.Remain neutral. 5.Keep the discussion focused on the issues rather than on personalities. 6.Work to ensure equal talk time. 7.Establish an action plan and follow-up procedure.

20 Recovering from Conflict Forgiveness: communication process that allows you and your partner to overcome the damage done because of a transgression

7 Steps to Forgiveness 1.Confession 2.Venting 3.Understanding 4.Apology 5.Forgive 6.Set conditions 7.Monitor 21

The Dark Side of Digital Communication Compulsive or excessive Internet use –Disable your smartphone’s ability to push messages to you. –Leave your social media devices behind when you plan to study. –Ask your friends to help you. –Seek professional help if necessary. 22

Inappropriate Self- Disclosure Online SIDE Model: Characteristics of social media, such as anonymity, influence online behavior. Sexting: sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between smartphones via text messaging Anonymous web-cam conferencing 23

Flaming Flame wars erupt when friendly and productive digital discussions give way to insults and aggression. Recommendations: Respond privately. Ignore the flame. Ask an authority to intervene. 24 Microsoft Word 2012 image

Cyberstalking Cyberstalking: repeatedly using social media to stalk or harass others Cyberbullying: abusive attacks carried out through social media 25 Microsoft Word 2012 image