Overindulgence has become the ‘New Norm’. Who’s needs are we meeting when we Overindulge our children? Does it help us to feel better about ourselves? Is it because we want our children to love us? Overindulgence usually comes from a good place, from having a good and generous heart.

Our behaviour reflects the thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves, others and the world around us. Too much – of everything, Toys, Time, attention, extra curricular activities and an overwhelming amount of ‘everything’. Over nurturing – Providing too much care-care that may look loving but keeps the child from achieving his or her full potential. Not enough structure – Lapsy daisy inconsistent rules and boundaries that can cause a child to take charge and become the rule maker of the family.

Giving children what they want when they want can lead to the child needing ‘instant gratification’. We take away the opportunity to teach patience and self control. This may lead to them becoming self absorbed in adulthood.

Watching your child feel sad, upset or in discomfort can be hard for a parent. Part of our job is to be the bad guy sometimes and not give in to our children’s demands all the time.

To be over indulged is not only to have more than enough; it is to have more than abundance. Everything is replaceable, possessions feelings even people. Over indulged children too often don’t have the chance to know and identify what they need. They don’t learn to trust that they know what or how much they need. Because they don’t know what enough is they cant experience abundance.

Overindulgence can lead to disrespect for people. Other peoples feelings, wants and needs. Respect doesn’t come automatically. Respect has to be modeled, expected and taught deliberately through relationships. It cant be bought with things.

Too many privileges deprive children of the experiences that can help them separate needs and wants. Its important that each child learns that he cant always have what he wants. Needs are essential for safety, health and growth and the accomplishments of goals. Wants are desires, for young children ‘I want and, I need feel the same’. We learn to separate them as adults describe and define them and see that the child’s needs are met, but that she gets what she wants only part of the time.

Not knowing what is ‘enough’. They may start to believe they are ‘the centre of the universe’. They may not take responsibility for their actions. They may disrespect things, themselves as well as others. They may lack empathy.

As a child grows in independence and responsibility they learn they are not the center of our universe. “One of our basic human needs is a need for connection.That need is so strong that children will connect or attach to their care givers no matter what quality of care is offered. Loving parents understand this, so they bond with the baby and stay present and available but not smothering with the child. As they grow and learn to trust that the caregiver is reliable, he will be able to move away and come back in increasingly independent ways. If parents hang on too tightly, this natural separation is inhibited.” (Clarke, Dawson and Bredehoft)

How much is too much – Jean Illsley Clarke Connie Dawson, David Bredehoft. Growing up Again- Jean Illsley Clarke, Connie Dawson Help and support – Facebook – parentplus2015 Website