COMMUNICATION The three most important words for a successful relationship are: communication, communication, and communication. - Anonymous

Once a human being has arrived on this earth, communication is the largest single factor determining what kinds of relationships she or he makes with others and what happens to each in the world. How we manage survival, how we develop intimacy, how productive we are, how we make sense, how we connect with out own divinity – all depend largely on our communication skills. --Virginia Satir

Communication Defined: “Communication is any form of human expression – written, verbal, or even body language” (Davis, 1994). “Communication is the transference and understanding of meaning” (Robbins, 1980). “A process by which messages of meaning are shared by senders and receivers. Communication takes place at multiple levels: interpersonally, in groups and via mass media.”

Conversational Styles Regional Gender Dominant, interruptive, manipulative, polite, creative, sarcastic, passive

Metamessages Meaning of the message is clear to the speaker, but masked by vernacular and style. Underlying intent of communication is masked by indirectness.

Verbal communication Verbal language is a series of expressive thoughts and perceptions described through word symbols. Linguistic experts divide verbal communication into two components: encoding decoding

Verbal communication Encoding is the process wherein a speaker attempts to frame thoughts and perceptions into words (e.g., someone saying to the person next to her, “Boy, it’s stuffy in here”).

Verbal communication Decoding is the process wherein the message is translated, dissected, analyzed, and interpreted by the listener (e.g., the person hearing this thinks, “Yeah, the room does smell rather gamey”). During the encoding and decoding process, some thoughts can get lost in translation. Misunderstanding, confusion, and stress can arise anywhere in this process.

The Communication Process Communications: managing the relationship over time –Communications flow in both directions –The fields of experience need to overlap to ensure that meanings attached to the symbols used to communicate are similar Figure 15.2 –Senders need to know and understand who they want to reach –Need feedback channels to be able to assess effectiveness of the message sent

“The first step in good communication is to stop assuming that the other person understands what you are saying, because you understand.” Bryson, 1991

Interpersonal communication Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Be direct. Sapir-Whorf hypothesis Suggests that perception of reality is largely based on the depth (or limits) of vocabulary.

Nonverbal communication Nonverbal communication is described as any communication that does not involve words. It may include: postures, facial expressions, touch, and even style of clothing.

Nonverbal communication Nonverbal communication differs from verbal communication in that it is multichanneled - addressing all senses –not merely stimuli received through the sense of hearing. Nonverbal communication is not only indirect, but often unconscious.

Nonverbal physical styles Touch Emblems and Illustrators Affect displays Regulators Adaptors Paralanguage

Listening, attending, and responding skills Hearing is the reception of auditory sensations. Listening is the understanding of these auditory sensations. Primary reason for NOT listening Busy preparing next statement after only hearing the first part of a response.

Listening, attending, and responding skills assume the role of listener maintain eye contact avoid word prejudice use “minimal encouragers” paraphrase what was said to ensure understanding

Listening, attending, and responding skills ask questions to improve clarity of statements use empathy to reflect and share feelings provide feedback summarize the content of what was said

Points to remember about communication  Some of the most effective communication efforts are also the simplest  Body language is a powerful form of communication  The absence of communication can be a form of communication  Know your audience before you communicate a message

Points to remember about communication (continued)  People tend to accept facts, information and opinions from those whom they have confidence in and in whom they trust  Timing is an essential component of effective communication  Feedback is vital to good communication

45% of a person’s day is spent listening 30% of a person’s day is spent talking 16% of a person’s day is spent reading 9% of a person’s day is spent writing

Suggestions to Increase Your Listening Capability Listen without making value judgments. (e.g. sender expressing views on abortion, legalization of drugs) Allow sender to fully express his or her point of view Make eye contact and make facial expressions Expect to learn something

Suggestions to Increase Your Listening Capability (continued) Listen without trying to second guess the sender Use feedback to restate the sender’s meaning as you understand it…’sensitive listening’ Listen and use idle brain time to understand what is being stated

Steps to enhance communication skills speak with precision and directness enhance your vocabulary use appropriate language attack issues, not people avoid making people defensive

Steps to enhance communication skills talk to people yourself, not through others avoid information overload validate your assumptions resolve problems when they arise

Communication is all about establishing good relationships!

Communicating Effectively Be aware Be congruent Value straight talk Be personal Listen for what is not being said Be an active listener Be a sensitive listener

Deception Typology Self-centered lies Designed to maintain a positive impression or get our way Other-oriented lies Motivated by a concern to maintain pleasant interactions or enhance social relationships

Cues associated with lying and deception Cues associated with lying Lack of spontaneity Negative verbal statements Less smiling Dilation of pupils Hesitation in speech Self-touching Body movement Blinking High vocal pitch Cues interpreted by others as indicating deception Less sustained eye contact Less smiling More postural shifts Longer response times Slower rate of speech More speech errors More speech hesitations Higher pitch Unusual nonverbal behaviors

Skill at lying Socially skilled better Men better than women Easier to manipulate facial cues than bodily cues

Communication Styles Between Genders “Men may be from Mars and women may be from Venus, but right now both sexes are living on earth so we better learn to speak the same language.” -Lily Tomlin

Communication Mishaps: Ignoring the feedback loop Ignoring selective perception Overestimating or underestimating the capabilities of your audience Making assumptions of audience interest