Coaching for Influence: Two Critical Coaching Moves: Blending Redirecting

Coaching for Influence: Blending Any behavior by which you reduce the difference between you and other people in order to meet them where they are and move to common ground. The result is an increase in rapport.

Coaching for Influence: Redirecting Any behavior by which you use that rapport to change the trajectory of that interaction.

Coaching for Influence: Listening to Understand And Speaking to be Heard

Components of Effective Communication in Coaching Asserting Active Listening Integrating

Coaching for Influence: Think of a satisfying communication experience: Jot down an adjective that would describe “how you were” during that conversation.

Coaching for Influence: Think of an unsatisfying communication experience: Jot down an adjective that would describe “how you were” during that exchange.

Coaching for Influence: The Problem: The Struggle to be Heard I make an assertion. You respond by making a counter assertion. I reassert my original view or counter your assertion. The communication deteriorates; frustration escalates. You reassert your original view or counter my assertion.

Coaching for Influence: Asserting: Expressing views and concerns frankly in ways that minimize other’s defensiveness

Key Elements of an Assertion Statement: Concrete Data Grounds communication in neutral, observable data Feelings Makes accessible important subjective data Impact Makes clear why you think there’s a problem Tone of Communicates openness Inquiry to hearing others’ views

Key Elements of an Assertion Statement: When (Concrete Data) I feel (Meaning to you) Because (Impact) ? (Tone of Inquiry)

Assertion Expressing Concerns: We often do not express our genuine concerns to others – we withhold them to spare their feelings or spare ourselves discomfort and the risk of candor

Assertion A Critical Barrier: Putting the Problem First And not Imposing our Solution

Assertion Expressing Concerns: When we do express concerns, we tend toward two extremes:  Either we are very blunt (leading others to be defensive)  Or, we are very indirect, in which case others do not get the message (and may become defensive or suspicious)

Coaching for Influence: Aggression Pursuing your views in ways that disregard the view of others Submission Sacrificing your views and interests in deference to those of others Assertion Pursuing your views and interests in ways that respect those of others

Components of Effective Communication in Coaching Asserting Active Listening Integrating

Coaching for Influence: Active Listening: Constructing the meaning of what another person is saying in ways that encourage expression of underlying thoughts and feelings

Active Listening The Critical Choice: To focus on the other person, attending carefully to what he or she says, means, wants to say, thinks and feels OR To focus on your message by countering what the other person says or reasserting what you have to say

Active Listening What are you doing when you are not listening?

Active Listening Elements of Active Listening: Acknowledging what you hear Encouraging the other person to say more Actively exploring his or her perspective Testing the meaning to the other person

Active Listening The Critical Choice: To focus on the other person, attending carefully to what he or she says, means, wants to say, thinks and feels OR To focus on your message by countering what the other person says or reasserting what you have to say

Active Listening Techniques for Active Listening: Reflecting Saying back the essential meaning – key thoughts and/or feelings Inquiring Asking Genuine Questions and checking out interpretations Summarizing Periodically synthesizing and testing what you have heard

Active Listening Ways of Reflecting: Parroting the words (Revoicing, Backtracking, etc.) Paraphrasing the content (Revoicing) Reflecting back the “gist” – thoughts and feelings

Active Listening Ways of Reflecting: Effort to mirror what was literally said Effort to capture implicit feelings, implications Parroting Paraphrasing Reflecting the “gist”

Active Listening Ways of Reflecting: Risk of sounding insulting Risk of being wrong Parroting Paraphrasing Reflecting the “gist”

Active Listening Delivering Reflecting Responses Tone Avoid Sarcasm Make a flat statement or use a rising inflection Phrasing Avoid direct questions Common Introductions “So you’re thinking that…” “Sounds like you’re concerned that…” “You feel…because…” “I’m hearing that…” “Let me see if I understand what you are saying…”

Coaching for Influence: Inquiring: Constructing the meaning of what another person is saying in ways that encourage expression of underlying thoughts and feelings

Active Listening Inquiring through Genuine Questions: Kinds of Questions

Active Listening Summarizing: Provides some closure to the conversation Makes clear the next steps

Components of Effective Communication in Coaching Asserting Active Listening Integrating

Integrating: Asserting your perspective and actively listening to that of the other person in ways that lead to mutual understanding and joint problem solving

Integrating Steps to Integrating: 1. Assert your perspective 2. Actively Listen to the other person’s perspective by reflecting back what you hear 3. Actively Inquire if necessary 4. Make transition back to your perspective, clarifying areas of agreement and difference 5. Explore solutions that integrate both perspectives

Key Elements of an Assertion Statement: Concrete Data Grounds communication in neutral, observable data Feelings Makes accessible important subjective data Impact Makes clear why you think there’s a problem Tone of Communicates openness Inquiry to hearing others’ views

Key Elements of an Assertion Statement: When (Concrete Data) I feel (Meaning to you) Because (Impact) ? (Tone of Inquiry)

Coaching for Influence: Two Critical Coaching Moves: Blending Redirecting

Coaching Role Play Triad Roles: Teacher Coach Observer

Coaching Role Play Observer “Look Fors” Blending Reflecting (Parroting, Paraphrasing, and Gist) Inquiring Summarizing