1 Dispute Resolution and Conflict Management Human Capital Conference Pete Swanson Carr Swanson & Randolph, LLC March 14, 2005

2 Learning Objectives 1.Identify how style impacts behaviors, 2.Learn approaches for dealing with divergent styles

3 When dealing with difficult behaviors, what is your role as a supervisor? Traffic cop Teacher Counselor Disciplinarian Friend Mentor ??

4 P eople M aybe O ptions

10 Classic Problem Types 1.The Tank 2.The Sniper 3.The Grenade 4.The Know-It-All 5.The Think-They- Know-It- All 6.The Yes Person 7.The Maybe Person 8.The Nothing Person 9.The No Person 10.The Whiner Adapted from Dealing With People You Can’t Stand, Dr. Rick Brinkman & Dr. Rick Kirschner

From the Norm to the Extreme… People Who Must Get It Right -Perfectionist “Whiner” “No” Person “Nothing” Person People Who Must Get It Done -Controlling “Sniper” “Tank” “Know-it-all” People Who Must Get Along -Approval-Seeking “Yes” person “Maybe” person “Nothing” person People Who Must Get Appreciated -Attention Seeking “Grenade” “Sniper” “Think-they-know-it-all” Normal Zone Task Focus People Focus Aggressive Passive

From Conflict to Cooperation Essential Skills Neutralizing –Any action that neutralizes negative behavior in order to meet them where they are and move to common ground Redirecting –Any behavior that changes the direction of an interaction. Neutralizing precedes redirecting.

Neutralizing Neutralize with body and facial expressions Neutralize vocally with volume and speed Don’t Engage -- Probe! Listen to understand -- it is not “mine or theirs” –Empathize –Backtrack –Clarify –Summarize what you’ve heard –Confirm to make sure you got it right

Redirecting Identify positive intent –Their point is valid –Apply “Positive Intent” to… Getting the job done Getting the job done right Getting along with others Getting appreciation

Speak to be Understood Assertion vs. Aggression -- monitor your tone of voice State your intention Tactfully control interruptions Tell your truth –Use “I” language –Be specific about the problem behavior (impact) –Help them understand how their behavior is self defeating –Suggest new behaviors or options Stay flexible --explore options -- question before defending Reframe instead of rebut

Get What You Project and Expect Raise your expectations of people to help them raise their expectations of themselves. Acknowledge their effort Be tough on bad behavior Expect good behavior Assume the best and give the benefit of the doubt Appreciate constructive criticism –Don’t be defensive –Verbally appreciate the person providing the criticism –Redirect if necessary - focus on activities, not persons

12 Choices for Defensive Behavior Take responsibility -- know when it happens Tell people what is happening with you -- they will help Slow down! Acknowledge the negative chatter in your head -- it is not about you! Check your, and others, assumptions Emotionally Detach! Don’t identify with the situation or take it as an attack

13 Contact information Pete Swanson