The 7 Stages of Marriage Presented by Rita DeMaria, Ph.D. Council for Relationships July 9, 2009 Session 210 Smart Marriages Happy Families Orlando, Florida 1

The Timeline of Marriage Embrace Change Every marriage is unique. Change never, ever stops. Incredible, inevitable journey Live your stage. Cultivate love 2

What’s in Store Understand the core mission of your marriage. Develop new strengths for the journey ahead. Sidestep advice that could threaten your marriage. Avoid time and effort-wasting wrong moves. 3

What difference does a Stage make? Life experience is dynamic, changing and dimensional Life cycle development is predictable Life cycle development is individual, interactional, and intergenerational Life cycle development is marked by the passing of time 4

What is unique about the “7 Stages”? Developmental issues and tasks have been identified Normative events are described Practical exercises and activities useful in educational workshops and counseling practice 5

The Benefit of Knowing the 7 Stages Provides a roadmap for today and tomorrow Normalizes the experiences of marriage Knowing the missions for the stages provides focus 6

Marriage Today Marriage is a value What the Stats tell us The Reader's Digest Survey The Benefits of Marriage 7

Reader’s Digest Survey The Survey Says….. Marriage Isn’t Broken It’s Really About Trust Laughter is More Important than Sex Guys Get Gushy About Marriage, Too Challenges Make Us Stronger 8

7 Stages at a Glance Passion Realization Rebellion Cooperation Reunion Explosion Completion 9

Measuring Your Marriage Life Long Journey Stages don’t have start times – or ending dates. Two stages can overlap. You can “repeat” or revisit an earlier stage. You can use the lessons of an earlier stage to enhance your current stage. 10

PASSION The Love Cocktail – Know the essential ingredients 11

The Missions Mission 1 – Savor the Passion Mission 2 – Forge a Sense of “We” Mission 3 – Learn your Love Languages Mission 4 – Build Emotional Intimacy Mission 5 – Expand Your Sexual Vocabulary 12

REALIZATION The rose-colored glasses come off now – differentiation begins 13

The Missions Mission 1: Understand your Expectations Mission 2: Open, Honest Talking Mission 3: Learn Empathetic Listening Mission 4: Be Friends Mission 5: Split Household Chores Fairly Mission 6: Become a Money Team 14

REBELLION Me, Me, Me! Growth through conflict - from control to compromise.... on to negotiation 15

The Missions Mission 1: Turn Power Struggles into Acceptance Mission 2: Move from Conflict to Problem- Solving Mission 3: Set and Pursue Healthy Personal Goals Mission 4: Renew Your Spirituality Mission 5: Recover from Infidelities Mission 6: Forgive Your Spouse and Yourself 16

COOPERATION Lots to do – work, family, friends, future planning Not enough time Not enough money Not enough sexual intimacy 17

The Missions Mission 1: Let Parenthood Strengthen Your Marriage Mission 2: Settle Conflicts – and Connect as Friends Mission 3: Invite Romance Back into Your Marriage Mission 4: De-Stress – and Make Love Again 18

REUNION The First Stage of the Rest of Your Marriage – strengthening mutuality 19

The Missions Mission 1: Shift Your Focus Back to Your Marriage Mission 2: Get off Autopilot Mission 3: Welcome Boomerang Kids – Without Neglecting Your Marriage Mission 4: Use Your Marriage to Create Good Health 20

EXPLOSION Random Crises Health -physical/emotional Work Family Trauma 21

Caring for Aging Parents Mission 1: Make Care giving a Team Effort Mission 2: Enjoy Your Marriage 22

Depression Mission 1: Fight the Depression Mission 2: Protect Your Marriage – and Yourself 23

Job Loss Mission 1: Set a New Budget – and New Priorities Mission 2: Support Each Other 24

Weight Gain Mission 1: Feel Good about Your Body Mission 2: Take care of your health and reduce your spouse’s anxiety 25

COMPLETION Recreating and Enjoying Life Continuity and Loss 26

The Missions Mission 1: Keep Your Marriage Growing Mission 2: Play – And Be in the Moment Mission 3: Share a New Sense of Meaning and Purpose and Prepare for Loss Mission 4: Reorganize Your Time, Your Territory, Your Tasks 27

Applications for Workshops 28

Applications in Counseling Couples 29

Thank you! Rita DeMaria, Ph.D Note: The actual presentation PPT presentation may differ from the handout copy. Participants may contact Rita DeMaria for an updated handout. 30

Thank you! The 7 Stages of Marriages provides a lifelong guide to identifying and exploring the missions, challenges and rewards of the stages of marriage. Congratulations – Rita DeMaria, Ph.D. 31