PARENTING IN THE PEW Training Our Children in the Art and Love of Worship

WHAT IS is an international movement within the church that addresses the exodus of children from the church. We help local churches and ministries in continually shaping discipleship so that it is increasingly home-centered and church-assisted, as opposed to our more prevalent outsourcing, church-focused mindset. breaks down the walls of the church and works to be the antidote to the hypocrisy that has been turning our children away from the faith.

WHY FOCUS ON THE HOME? The Reality:  Fewer than 10% of parents who regularly attend church with their kids read the Bible together, pray together (other than at meal times) or participate in an act of service as a family unit.  Only 28% of churched youth have talked with mom about faith. Only 13% of churched youth have talked with dad about faith.  Yet the same studies also show that mom & dad are the top 2 spiritual influencers of their children and any faith formation that happens at home is 2-3x more effective. The Result of This Disparity:  69-94% of evangelical children are leaving the church shortly after they finish high school.

DOESN’T MEAN YOUR PARENTS ARE IN IT ALONE…  The church’s job is to partner with parents by equipping them and joining in the journey of discipling our kids. (1 Timothy 5)  The authors of Sticky Faith, Kara Powell & Dr. Chap Clark, encourage flipping our adult to child ratios from 1:5 to 5:1, because their research has shown that another key factor that sets children up for lifelong faith is a strong network of intergenerational relationships with adult believers.  They, in fact, said that “The closest our research has come to that definitive silver bullet is this sticky finding: for high school and college students, there is a relationship between attendance at church-wide worship services and Sticky Faith….And while our research didn’t specifically examine the effect…on younger children, our guess is that it’s not just the teenagers who benefit from that inter-age connection.”

KIDS IN CHURCH? (ARE OUR EXPECTATIONS REALISTIC?)

WHAT IS WORSHIP?: A NEW (OR NOT-SO-NEW) PERSPECTIVE  What is worship?  How do you worship God?  Why do you worship God?  When do you worship God?

WHAT IS WORSHIP?: A NEW (OR NOT-SO-NEW) PERSPECTIVE CONTINUED…  Worship = expression of adoration and reverence, God- centeredness, glorifying God alone.  Barak, a Hebrew word for worship used repeatedly in the Old Testament, means “to pay singular tribute to God alone.”  Worship is more than loving God. Worship is intentional act of making it all about God in light of who God is and what He is worth. True worship is one-directional and has nothing to do with me.

WHAT IS WORSHIP?: A NEW (OR NOT-SO-NEW) PERSPECTIVE CONTINUED…  “The unspoken, but increasingly common assumption of today’s Christendom is that worship is primarily for us – to meet our needs. Such worship services are entertainment-focused, and the worshipers are uncommitted spectators who silently grade the performance…Taken to the nth degree, this instills a tragic self-centeredness.” - Kent Hughes, sr. pastor of College Church in Wheaton, IL  In a sermon entitled “Why Worship?” Max Lucado said, “Never has one phrase rerouted my life more than…’It’s not about me, and it’s not about now.’…When we truly worship, we declare God’s glory, and it takes the attention off ourselves, centering it where it should be.”

REPRESENTING THE BODY IN WORSHIP  For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, (Rom. 12:3-4)  Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Mt. 19:14)  And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. (Mt. 18:3)  Samuel lay down until morning and then opened the doors of the house of the L ORD. He was afraid to tell Eli the vision, but Eli called him and said, “Samuel, my son.” Samuel answered, “Here I am.” “What was it he said to you?” Eli asked. “Do not hide it from me. May God deal with you, be it ever so severely, if you hide from me anything he told you.” 18 So Samuel told him everything, hiding nothing from him. Then Eli said, “He is the L ORD ; let him do what is good in his eyes.”(1 Sam. 3:15-18)

CHANGING THE CULTURE  Communicate with your congregation regularly about the real goal of worship and the importance of having children with us.  Do small things make worship more inviting to families.  Provide kid’s bulletins, crayons, worship bags, and/or kids’ Bibles.  Make room in the sanctuary by providing special seating area and/or blankets in the back/side.  Verbally welcome/encourage parents and kids.  Integrate more interaction/learning styles throughout worship.  Work with your parents through regular encouragement and providing resources. (Like a Parenting in the Pew workshop!)

TIPS & TOOLS The PRACTICAL Stuff

THINGS TO REMEMBER…  Intentionally training your child in the joy of worship is a spiritual practice in and of itself. Trust me, you might get as much out of this as they do.  The goal is not quiet, well-behaved children. The goal is to regularly guide them into a worship experience that is not about them, but about God and his Body.  It’s okay to whisper!! Use any opportunity to give your child a bit of context and help them connect.  Have some basic ideas about God that you are working on throughout the week and can reference during worship. (E.g. This is a “Jesus loves us” song. This is a “God is so great” song. This is when we talk to God and thank him for what He’s given us.)  Make a “worship bag.” Include things that they can use to quietly respond to what they are hearing or thinking about. (E.g. their Bible, a pad of paper, crayons, pens, snacks, pipe cleaners, etc. If you’re really adventurous play dough and a plastic lid.) NOTE: In order to get the children to really engage in the rest of worship, only bring the bag out during the sermon or other long periods of sitting/listening.

WORSHIP TRAINING STARTS AT HOME  Get excited about worshiping God! (If you act like Sunday is a chore, your kids will too.)  Set 2-3 clear expectations for worship and give them opportunities (like dinner time) to practice meeting those expectations during the week.  Sunday morning starts Saturday night. (Lay out clothes, pack a worship bag, build anticipation!)  Sunday morning, set your kids up for success. (Give yourself enough time to get ready without rushing. Feed them a good breakfast. Arrive early.)  Right before worship, take a bathroom break/water fountain trip. Anticipate needs/requests & address now.

WORSHIPING WITH YOUR CHILD  Welcome – Make sure your kid gets a bulletin. Look ahead at what’s coming & give them the job of checking off things as you go.  Finding Your Spot – Choose wisely. Sit near the front and/or somewhere with extra wiggle room, if possible.  Worship Music – Give your kids a chance to move. Cue them in on repetitive words and themes.  Prayer – How do you want your child to physically respond to prayer? Cuddle with small children & whisper sound bites to them so that you can emphasize what you are praying about. Talk about the meaning of “Amen” with your kids.

WORSHIPING WITH YOUR CHILD CONTINUED…  Announcements – Connect with your kids about announcements. Comment on things & help them connect. (E.g. “That looks fun. Maybe we should think about going together!”, “Did you know that when your in youth group, you could go on the Mexico trip?”)  Pew Pads – Give children who can write the job of adding the family’s names.  Scripture Reading – Help them to find the verse(s). Even better if they have their own Bible and can highlight it each week.  Special Events – (E.g. new members, baptism) Offer sound bites encapsulating & explaining. Find ways to connect them with the event.

WORSHIPING WITH YOUR CHILD CONTINUED…  Passing the Peace – Be outgoing yourself and welcome those around you. Include your children in these moments.  Offering – Help them find something to offer. (Little ones can participate just by adding change. Older children can learn to tithe their allowances or just offer to help the ushers pass plates.)  Communion – Kids not old enough to partake can still participate! Utilize chances to explain what Jesus has done. Give your child a blessing.

WORSHIPING WITH YOUR CHILD CONTINUED…  Sermon –  For very young ones, the message is a good time for snuggles and snacks or a nap.  For older children, pull out their worship bags. Depending on age, you can ask your child to… o Draw or write something they hear in the message. o Make a quiz for you to take after church. o Pick a word(s) from the message topic & have you child make tic marks to see how many times it’s mentioned. o Do anything with their worship bag materials that they think is related to the message or God BUT they need to tell you about it later.

AFTER SERVICE ENDS  Your first words after service ends, should be words of praise. (Avoid empty praise & seek to truly find something that your appreciated seeing them do as they worshiped.)  Don’t be shy! Chat up the pastor or other church members while including your child.  If you decided to do a quiz, make sure to follow through on the drive home or at lunch.  Another great thing to make a habit of on the drive home or during Sunday lunch, is for everyone to share something that stuck out from church. Whether it was a sermon idea or just that your preschooler saw their friend, you can point it all back to God.

HOW CAN THE CHURCH HELP?  Offer a Parenting in the Pew workshop/breakfast.  Example invitation and schedule included in notes.  Include influential people from your worship service to “host.”  Tailor the workshop to highlight the ways that kids can engage in your specific service rhythm.  Provide multiple and regular opportunities for intergenerational connection.  Explore ways that you can better connect church and home.  Be obnoxiously repetitive in your message that parents are primary and that we need all the generations together to best represent the Kingdom of God.

PARENTING IN THE PEW: GUIDING YOUR CHILDREN INTO THE JOY OF WORSHIP Robbie Castleman’s book, “Parenting in the Pew: Guiding Your Children into the Joy of Worship” was a significant resource and inspiration for this workshop. The title of this workshop is borrowed from this book. This book can be purchased at Amazon.com. ISBN #:

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