Building Self-Esteem in Your Child  Vicki Hilliard, LSW  Debby Rockwood, LISW-S

“Self-esteem is the real magic wand that can form a child’s future. A child’s self-esteem affects every area of her existence, from the friends she chooses, to how well she does academically in school, to what kind of job she gets, to even the person she chooses to marry.” -Stephanie Martson

Definitions of self-esteem  Feelings of being loveable and capable  The idea that “sticking to it” brings success  Collections of feelings and beliefs we have about ourselves: our “self- perceptions”

A child’s self-esteem changes as he/she grows. This happens because self-esteem is affected by a child’s experiences and new perceptions. It is helpful to be aware of signs of healthy and unhealthy self-esteem.

Signs of Healthy Self-Esteem  Tries new things  Won’t give up just because they don’t learn something easily right away  Enjoy interacting with others, comfortable in social situations  Says “I don’t understand this,” rather than “I’m an idiot”  Sense of optimism prevails  Is happy, enthusiastic  Adaptable to changes  Willing to try new things  Participates in variety of activities  Resistant to peer pressure

Signs of Unhealthy Self-Esteem  Doesn’t want to try new things  Give up easily, wait for someone else to take over  Have all or nothing attitude: “I can never do anything right!”  Frequently speak negatively about themselves: “I’m stupid” “I’m no good at math” “I’ll never learn how to do this”  Sense of pessimism predominates  Afraid to make mistakes  Overly sensitive to criticism  Shy, timid, withdrawn  Jealous and possessive  Has trouble entering loving relationships  Low frustration tolerance  Overly critical and disappointed in themselves

Ways Parents Can Nurture Their Child’s Self-Esteem  Be a positive role model. Nurture your own self- esteem and your child will model what you say and do.  Watch what you say: Praise for effort. Be truthful. “Well, you didn’t make the team, but I’m really proud of the effort you put into it.”  Be spontaneous and affectionate: Say “I’m so proud of you” or “I think you’re terrific” with a hug.  Teach life skills and help them master them. Skills such as how to be respectful to others, how to make friends, how to help with dinner and other chores, how to sew or work on a car.

More ways to help…  Truly listen to your child  Define limits and rules clearly and enforce them  Let your child make decisions  Have reasonable expectations  Be available and give support  Spend time together  Catch your child doing good things

“Children need models more than they need critics.” -Joseph Joubert

…More Ways Parents Can Nurture Their Child’s Self-Esteem  Involve them in activities like sports, Gymnastics,4-H where they learn how to control their body or create things and become good at it with practice  Remember ALL children are born with gifts. It is our job to help them discover what those gifts are through exposing them to new experiences and focusing on their strengths rather than weaknesses.

Above all else…. LOVE YOUR CHILD UNCONDITIONALLY. Show your child you care about them. Hug them. Tell them you love them.