Being Considerate College Prep Wednesday, February 24, 2015

con·sid·er·ate kənˈsidərət adjective: considerate 1.careful not to cause inconvenience or hurt to others. Archaic - showing careful thought From the Latin civitas, city Life in the city was to have a “civilizing” effect (polite and well- mannered) Being civil means “being constantly aware of others….” con·sid·er·a·tion kənˌsidərˈāSH(ə)n/ noun: consideration 1. careful thought, typically over a period of time.

Some Popular Ideas of Civility Respect for others Respect for others Care Care Consideration Consideration Kindness Kindness Fairness Fairness Self-control Self-control Tolerance Tolerance Etiquette Etiquette Peace Peace Community Service Community Service Tact Tact Equality Equality Sincerity Honesty Sincerity Honesty Awareness Awareness Trustworthiness Trustworthiness Listening Listening Compassion Compassion Abiding by rules Abiding by rules

in·con·sid·er·ate ˌinkənˈsid(ə)rət/ adjective: inconsiderate 1.thoughtlessly causing hurt or inconvenience to others.

Do You thoughtlessly cause hurt or inconvenience to others. Are You Inconsiderate of Others?

Appeal To The Best in People Building relationships Consider the feelings of others Consider the comfort of others Treat others the best way we know how – Treat others the way We would want to be treated.

Restraint “Sometimes we confuse having fun with being happy.” “Restraint is the art of feeling good later” – Do I really want to do this? – Is anybody going to be hurt by this? – Will I like having done this?

Am I being considerate to my parents? to my neighbors? to my school? to my teachers? to everyone around me? How can I become a more considerate person?

Ideas on How to Be Considerate

1. Pay Attention Awareness of surroundings, students colleagues What is or could be happening? How will we make it different?

2. Acknowledge Others We monitor our relationships The invisibility game dismisses the presence of others Ex: Cutting in a line

3. Think The Best What do we expect? Goodness Honesty Tempered with the realism that your opinions can change

4. Listen How much time do we have for each other? Value the messenger – Pay attention Value the message – Make sure we understand

5. Active Listening Make listening the goal of the moment Demonstrate your attention – Eye contact – Reflection – Restatement Co-operative – Separating priorities – Critical thinking, concluding questions

6. Speak Kindly At the heart of civil behavior Improves the lives around us Permit others to speak in turn Be aware of your non-verbals Never yell at anybody Never use profanities

7. Keep it Down (& Rediscover Silence) Thinking about silence as a choice, not as a void waiting to be filled About preserving another’s peace Places of worship, libraries, restaurants, theaters Campus, office, halls, classrooms

8. Accept & Give Praise A compliment is a gift, accepted with thanks Assume that your feelings are unknown Pass them along Word them specifically, with meaning Make them sincere Keep them simple Avoid complimenting appearance

9. Respect Even a Subtle “No” “No” can be an answer “No” is not always explicit Avoid using our power to get a “yes” Care enough about others not to make our problem theirs

10. Respect Others’ Opinions Tolerate opinions that differ from ours, give them a fair hearing Attacking an opinion may be viewed as a personal attack Is our campus a safe place to express an opinion?

11. Be Agreeable Have regard for others Look for possibilities of agreement Consider that you might be wrong Admit that you don’t know (or that you don’t have all the information you need)

12. Respect Other People’s Time The time of others is as valuable as yours Arrive on time, do not hold friends hostage Respect deadlines

13. Respect Other People’s Space Where is it? Be aware of their reaction! Keep hands, feet, and objects to yourself Ask permission before entering someone else’s space

14. Apologize Earnestly A sincere apology statement – Identifies what we did – Acknowledges it was wrong – Conveys that we understand the effect – Is not an excuse It is not a way to explain away inappropriate behavior It may not be immediately well-received

15. Avoid Personal Questions Exercise discretion, hesitate to ask Money, relationships, health and appearance are private We can object when privacy is threatened – “I prefer not to discuss personal matters.” – “This is not the time or place for this discussion.” – “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this.” Avoid volunteering the same information

16. Accept & Give Constructive Criticism Listen to criticism. Is it valid? It is probably not abuse. Can we learn about ourselves? Think about what can be learned instead of building defenses Provide criticism to help with a problem, not to humiliate

Before you talk to your friend, neighbor, or teacher, ask yourself how that person might be feeling just then. Maybe you're mad at your friend and want to tell her she's too messy, or you want to ask your best friend to stop calling you so much. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Well, before you have a conversation about how you really feel, you need to think about how the other person would react, and to put yourself in their place. While you shouldn't have to change what you want to say completely, thinking of the situation from the other person's perspective can help you best articulate what you want to say while minimizing hurt feelings.

Maybe your roommate is really messy, but she's also the one who does all of the grocery shopping. You should find a way to compliment her good qualities as well as her bad ones so she doesn't get defensive or feel like you don't appreciate her as a roommate. Maybe your best friend is calling a lot because she's been lonely ever since her boyfriend broke up with her. You can still say what you want to say, but be considerate of her feelings and try to think of it from her perspective before you proceed.