The Art of Listening

What is active listening? It’s a communication skill that involves both the speaker and the receiver. In active listening, the receiver tries to understand what feelings, thoughts, & beliefs are being communicated and accepts it as the person’s own. The listener feeds back only what they believe the sender’s message meant - nothing more, nothing less. It involves feedback and verification that the receiver correctly understood the senders message. The active listener avoids getting stuck in another person’s “helpless” feelings. Your focus as the listener is on the speaker, and you provide an active mirror to reflect an understanding of what the other person is meaning and feeling.. active listening involves reaching below the service of what is being said

Why is it important to listen? Failure to listen brings unfortunate results! Human beings want to express themselves, to be heard. Listening can de-escalate situations. t is important to hear not just the facts, but the intent and the emotional overtones. It is important to remember that whenever a person decides to communicate with another person,, they do so because they have a need

People can hear four times faster than others can talk, which gives a skilled listener time to sort matters Someone summarize what I’m saying …..”There is no reason not to listen

What Interferes with Listening? Sheer laziness and/or just not caring Noise and or physical discomfort Turing the speaker off and dwelling on the plethora of internal distractions Letting a remark of the speaker (with which we disagree) develop a prejudice which clouds or puts a stop to any further listening Boredom - remember, we hear four times faster that we speak Developing your own rebuttal or listening mainly to find an opening to state what you have to say (competitive or combative listening) Allowing personal characteristics of the speaker or his poor delivery to prevent understanding

“We were given two ears but only one mouth “We were given two ears but only one mouth. This is because God knew that listening was twice as hard as talking.” unknown “What is the difference between hearing and listening? Hearing is taking in a sound. Listening is a learned process, and includes paying attention, processing the information coming in and remembering it.

In active listening you will: listen for the content of the message, listen for the feelings of the speaker, listen without making judgment, respond to the feelings of the speakers, note the speakers cues, both verbal and nonverbal, ask open-ended questions, and reflect back to the speaker what you think you are hearing.

Active Listening Techniques Encouraging Restating Reflecting Summarizing

Encouragement The purpose is to convey interest and to keep the person talking. To do this don’t agree or disagree. Use noncommittal words in a positive tone of voice. “I see…” “uh-huh…” “That’s interesting” “What did you say then?” “What did he say when you said that?” Be aware of your body language! Act and look like a good listener. We spend much of our lives learning how to be a deflector and not a receiver. When appropriate look at the person, pick up the non-verbal signals . React to the speakers by sending out non-verbal signals Use open ended questions Non verbal -- Actions speak louder that words. eye rolling People involved in a conflict tend to pay close attention to the body language, voice inflections, and work choice. Body language is often a major cause for rapid escalation of conflicts. 75% of our communication in non verbal

Restating The purpose is to show that you are listening and understanding. To do this, restate the other’s basic ideas using your own words. “If I understand you, you are saying…” “In other words, your decision is…” Be aware of your body language!

Reflecting The purpose is to show that you are listening and understand what they are feeling. To do this restate the other’s basic feeling. “You feel that…” “You were pretty disturbed by this…” Be aware of your body language!

Summarizing The purpose is to pull important ideas, facts, etc. together, to establish a basis for further discussion and to review progress. To do this restate, reflect and summarize major ideas and feelings. “These seem to be the key ideas you have expressed…” “If I understand you, you feel this way about the situation…” Be aware of your body language! Summarize in you own words what the person has just said, Don’t be a parrot, just summarize briefly. I do want to tell you that this technique must be practiced regularly to become effective. It really is an art. It isn’t natural and may seem stiff and awkward as first.

When the Emotion is Directed at YOU…. Hearing the speaker out diffuses the emotion Why did it take you so long to…..Listen for the statement not the question

If you really want to listen, you will act like a good listener If you really want to listen, you will act like a good listener. Good listeners are like good catchers because they give their speakers a target and then move that target to capture the information that is being sent.