VIOLENCE & DATING

Bellringer Think of the last time you were angry. How did you handle it?

Violence Around Us Violence – a physical force that is used to harm people or damage property. What are some examples of violence that you have observed in our society?

Where do you find it? TV Movies Newspaper Video games In our schools In our homes

Talk about it Name TV shows, video games, and movies that depict violence. What is the effect constant exposure to violence?

Conflict Definition: another name for fight or disagreement Violence doesn’t solve a problem…it only makes it worse.

Factors that can lead to conflict Feeling threatened Unmanaged anger Lack of respect Bullying Gangs

Bullying Scaring or controlling another person by using threats or physical force

HOW CAN WE PREVENT BULLYING? Be tolerant of others Ability to overlook differences and accept people for who they are If you see someone being bullied, tell a trusted adult Be assertive, not aggressive Avoid bullies Respect yourself Ask for help

Other Choices Besides Gangs Join a sports team or club Volunteer with a neighborhood watch group Coach a sports team for younger teams What are some other choices?

Avoiding dangerous situations Recognize the signs Calm things down Leave the situation Offer alternatives

Avoiding dangerous situations

Relationship Violence Nearly 1 in 3 (29%) teens that have been in a dating relationship experienced sexual abuse, physical abuse, or threats of physical harm to a partner or self. 1 in 3 teens reports knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, or physically hurt by a partner. 45% of teen girls know someone who has been pressured or forced into having intercourse or oral sex

WHAT IS TEEN DATING ABUSE? A pattern of physically, sexually, verbally, and/or emotionally abusive or controlling behavior in a dating relationship.

WHAT IS PHYSICAL ABUSE Any unwanted contact with the other person’s body. Physical abuse does not have to leave a mark or a bruise. Scratching Pulling Hair Biting Physical Restraint Pushing Burning Shoving Punching Strangling Pinching Using a weapon Spitting Kicking Choking Slapping

VERBAL / EMOTIONAL ABUSE Saying or doing something to another person that causes that person to be afraid and/or have lower self-esteem. Trying to manipulate or control another person’s feelings or behaviors. This can include online posts or digital communications designed to threaten, harass, or embarrass. Name Calling Put Downs Insulting the person or his/her family or friends Yelling or Screaming Making unwanted comments or sending unwanted messages of sexual nature to the person. Making racial, ethnic, or religious slurs about the person he/she care for Embarrassing the person in front of others Intimidating the person Spreading negative rumors about the person Telling the person what to do Stalking Making the person feel guilty Threatening to commit suicide

CYCLE OF VIOLENCE

In many abusive dating relationships, the physical, emotional and/or sexual abuse is not a one-time incident. It usually happens again and again. PHASE 1: Tension Building: Things start to get tense between the two people. In this phase: The two people argue a lot. The abuser yells at the target for no reason. The abuser makes false accusations about the target. The target feels that she or he can’t do anything right. The atmosphere is tense, as if things could blow up at any moment.

CYCLE OF VIOLENCE PHASE 2: Explosion: The tension is released in a burst of physical, sexual and/or verbal/emotional abuse. The abuser may: Scream and yell in a way that is frightening and/or humiliating. Hit, grab, shove, kick, slam the other person against the wall, etc. Throw objects. Threaten to hurt the other person or someone he or she cares about. Rape the other person or force him or her to go further sexually than he or she wants to.

CYCLE OF VIOLENCE PHASE 3: Honeymoon: The abuser tries to make the target stay in the relationship by apologizing and/or shifting the blame for the abuse onto someone or something else. The abuser may: Apologize and promise that the abuse will never happen again. Say “I love you.” Buy the other person flowers or gifts. Accuse the other person of doing something to cause the abuse. Blame the abuse on other things such as alcohol, drugs or stress.

After the honeymoon phase: The tension starts to build again, leading to another explosion. Over time, the honeymoon phase may get shorter or even disappear, and the explosions may become more violent and dangerous. Some targets of dating abuse never experience the honeymoon phase—just the tension building and explosion phases. These phases do not happen in every abusive relationship. Someone may be experiencing dating abuse even if this pattern is not present CYCLE OF VIOLENCE THE CYCLE CONTINUES…. OVER and OVER AGAIN!!!

Video Supplements Click on Love Is Not Abuse The following videos are real girls with their true life stories.

It’s a Big Deal Sexting in America Part 1 Click Here Sexting in America Part 2 Click Here

Sexting in America Part 3 Click Here

Sexting in America Part 4 Click Here

If a photo is sent to you, do not send it to other people. If you receive a photo from someone you know, talk to them If you keep receiving messages, talk to your parents, friends’ parents, school authorities or police. If you are sending messages, stop.

BEFORE YOU HIT SEND There is no changing your mind! Don’t give into pressure to do something that makes you uncomfortable. Consider the recipient’s response. Nothing is truly anonymous Don’t assume anything you send or post is going to remain private

20 % say they have shared such a message with someone other than the person for whom it was originally meant 40% of teens and young adults say they have had a sexually suggestive message (originally meant to be private) shown to them

Something that seems fun and flirty and is done on a whim will never really die. Potential employers, college recruiters, teachers, coaches, parents, friends, enemies, strangers and others may all be able to find your past posts, even after you delete them. Nearly impossible to control what other people are posting about you. Think about it: Even if you have second thoughts and delete a racy photo, there is no telling who has already copied that photo and posted it elsewhere.

More than 40% of teens and young adults say “pressure from guys” is a reason girls and women send and post sexually suggestive messages and images. More than 20% of teens and young adults say “pressure from friends” is a reason guys send and post sexually suggestive messages and images. Don’t give in to the pressure to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, even in cyberspace!

Just because a message is meant to be fun doesn’t mean the person who gets it will see it that way. Four in ten teen girls who have sent sexually suggestive content did so “as a joke” but many teen boys (29%) agree that girls who send such content are “expected to date or hook up in real life.” It’s easier to be more provocative or outgoing online, but whatever you write, post or send does contribute to the real-life impression you’re making. CONSIDER THE RECIPENT’S REACTION

It is important to remember that even if someone only knows you by screen name, online profile, phone number or address, that they can probably find you if they try hard enough. NOTHING IS TRULY ANONYMOUS Nearly 1:5 young people who send sexually suggestive messages and images, do so to people they only know online