What’s It Mean For Your Child? Bullying At School What’s It Mean For Your Child?

But it’s just part of growing up… Natural Conflict Bullying Happens repeatedly Done on purpose Serious - threat of physical harm or emotional hurt Strong emotional reaction by victim Happens occasionally Accidental Not Serious Equal emotional reactions

Continued… Bullying Natural Conflict Seeking power or control Trying to gain material things or power No remorse – blames victim No effort to solve problem Natural Conflict Not seeking power or attention Not trying to get something Remorseful – takes responsibility Effort to solve the problem

Profile of a Bully Impulsive Quick-tempered Lacks empathy Rule-breaker Positive attitude toward violence in media Average to above average student Leadership ability

Bullies are likely to… Engage in other anti-social activities such as vandalism, shoplifting, truancy, smoking, drug/alcohol use Have been bullied themselves Manipulate others to join in the behavior Deny they are doing anything wrong Blame others for their behavior Blame the victim - “They deserved it.” Display defiance

Profile of a Victim Cautious and quiet nature Non-assertive Negative attitude toward violence in the media Appears physically or emotionally weak Lacks humor and pro-social skills Few social connections

Victims are likely to… Feel depressed and/or lonely Consider themselves failures Suffer from migraines and stomach problems See themselves as stupid or unattractive Think often about suicide Suffer from anxiety/panic attacks Cry easily Experience bad dreams Develop nervous habits – nail biting, twirling hair, etc.

Signs Your Child May Be a Victim Has unexplained bruises, marks, scratches Doesn’t want to come to school Complains of headaches, stomach pain Cries in sleep or can’t sleep Loses interest in schoolwork Appears sad, depressed, or irritable Seems to have few or no friends, is socially isolated

A Bully’s Impact on Learning Promotes a negative environment for learning by encouraging a “climate” of fear Distracts ALL students from learning Interferes with the development of positive social relationships Causes a loss of instructional time while problems are being addressed Increases the rate of truancy

As a parent… …accept the possibility your child might be a bully! Don’t deny or make excuses for your child’s behavior.

As a parent of a bully… Don’t ignore it because… Understand that bullying is a LEARNED behavior and can be unlearned Don’t dismiss it as “part of growing up” or “boys will be boys” Hold your child responsible for their own actions – no excuses Explore the reasons your child is acting out this way Seek outside help if needed Don’t blame yourself Make it clear that bullying behavior will not be tolerated Set consistent consequences that do not involve physical force or verbal berating Don’t ignore it because…

…according to current research: 20% of middle school students report having bullied someone else at least “several times” Middle School bullies are 4 times likelier than non-bullies to have more than one criminal conviction by the age of 24 Bullies tend to gravitate toward “the wrong crowd” and often develop substance abuse issues. Young bullies grow into oppositional, defiant, and aggressive adults with a strong need to dominate or control others making positive long term relationships difficult.

As the parent of a victim… Listen to your child and take their situation seriously. Watch your child for signs of depression, self-harm, suicidal thoughts Teach your child to walk with confidence and to focus on personal strengths and talents Provide on-going support and encourage new friendships Remember that “hitting back” is not a choice at school

Let your child KNOW they are loved!

Steps to take: Reassure your child that adult intervention can stop bullies and that we will keep him or her safe. Write down the details with dates, times, and names. Contact your child’s team leader and work with teachers to alleviate the problem first. If the situation doesn’t resolve, call your counselor. Document your concerns and actions taken in writing. Do not contact the bully/family directly.

What to expect from school… Written district policies and school procedures are in place and will be enforced. Staff will take concerns seriously and address them immediately Adult supervision will be supplemented in areas where bullying has or is likely to occur Staff will be notified so they can monitor the situation and provide help, encouragement and support to the victim You will be informed about steps taken to stop the bullying.