“WHEN PLAYGROUND BULLIES GROW UP: ADDRESSING BULLYING BEHAVIORS IN STUDENT STAFF OR COWORKER RELATIONSHIPS Presenters: Kaitlin Korbitz University of Wisconsin- River Falls University of Wisconsin- River Falls Alex Shaw Fort Hays State University

RESOURCES The Bully at Work The No-Asshole Rule Toxic Workplace

AREAS OF IMPORTANCE From Toxic Workplace!: From Toxic Workplace!: The toxic person’s characteristics and behaviors The toxic person’s characteristics and behaviors Leaders’ reactions to toxic behaviors Leaders’ reactions to toxic behaviors Leaders’ strategies for dealing with the toxic person Leaders’ strategies for dealing with the toxic person Effects of toxicity on the system Effects of toxicity on the system The role of organizational culture on toxicity The role of organizational culture on toxicity From No Asshole Rule: From No Asshole Rule: How to identify assholes (and asshole behavior) How to identify assholes (and asshole behavior) Rules for organizational culture Rules for organizational culture How to keep your “inner jerk” from getting out How to keep your “inner jerk” from getting out No Asshole Rule as a way of life No Asshole Rule as a way of life The Bully at Work The Bully at Work Identifying bullying behaviors Identifying bullying behaviors Effects on person and productivity Effects on person and productivity Recovery Recovery

BULLYING IN THE WORKPLACE: DEFINITION From Bully at Work From Bully at Work “Bullying at work is repeated, health-harming mistreatment of a person by one or more workers that takes the form of verbal abuse; “Bullying at work is repeated, health-harming mistreatment of a person by one or more workers that takes the form of verbal abuse; conduct or behaviors that are threatening, intimidating, or humiliating; conduct or behaviors that are threatening, intimidating, or humiliating; sabotage that prevents work from getting done; or some combination of the three. sabotage that prevents work from getting done; or some combination of the three. Perpetrators are bullies; those on the receiving end are targets. Perpetrators are bullies; those on the receiving end are targets.

BULLYING IN THE WORKPLACE: DEFINITION Toxic Iceberg Toxic Iceberg Tip: toxic person’s behavior Tip: toxic person’s behavior Below the waterline: productivity and bottom-line losses Below the waterline: productivity and bottom-line losses Human and financial costs of toxic behavior Human and financial costs of toxic behavior

BULLYING IN THE WORKPLACE: DEFINITION No Asshole Rule No Asshole Rule Temporary Assholes Temporary Assholes Certified Assholes Certified Assholes Asshole behavior Asshole behavior

IDENTIFYING BULLIES TOXIC PERSONALITIES ASSHOLE ACTIONS BULLIES AT WORK

TOXIC PERSONALITIES 3 TYPES Type 1: Shaming Behavior Rallies the troops and singles out one person for the attach Rallies the troops and singles out one person for the attach Verbal insults Verbal insults Arrogant/ condescending language/ behavior Arrogant/ condescending language/ behavior Public abuse Public abuse Exploit weakness Exploit weakness

TOXIC PERSONALITIES 3 TYPES Type 2: Passive Hostility Goes behind back instead of addressing people directly Goes behind back instead of addressing people directly Change mind, but plead ignorance of original agreement Change mind, but plead ignorance of original agreement Martyrdom Martyrdom Distrust of co-workers work and opinions Distrust of co-workers work and opinions Territorial, won’t collaborate or share Territorial, won’t collaborate or share Rejects negative feedback Rejects negative feedback

TOXIC PERSONALITIES 3 TYPES Type 3: Team Sabotage Collects info to later use against people Collects info to later use against people Undermines authority Undermines authority Withholds information Withholds information Enlists “spies” Enlists “spies” Abuse authority Abuse authority

ASSHOLE ACTIONS Personal insults Personal insults Invading one’s “personal territory” Invading one’s “personal territory” Uninvited physical contact Uninvited physical contact Threats and intimidation, both verbal and nonverbal Threats and intimidation, both verbal and nonverbal “sarcastic jokes” and “teasing” used as insult delivery systems “sarcastic jokes” and “teasing” used as insult delivery systems Withering flames Withering flames Status slaps intended to humiliate their victims Public shaming or “status degradation” rituals Rude interruptions Two-faced attacks Dirty looks Treating people as if they are invisible

BULLIES AT WORK “SCREAMING MIMI” Scream, yells, curses Intimidates through gestures: points, slams, throws Physically close to intimidate Interrupts Denies others thoughts or feelings Threatens (job loss or transfer)

BULLIES AT WORK “CONSTANT CRITIC” Constantly focusing on target’s “incompetence” Negatively responds to contributions Accuses, blames and fabricates errors Unreasonable demands Criticizes parts of life unrelated to work

BULLIES AT WORK “GATEKEEPER” Deliberately cuts out of loop Refuses to make “reasonable accommodations” (returning to work) Denies government and internal mandated protections “silent treatment” Makes new rules on a whim

THE SANDBOX From Toxic Workplace!: Almost 50 percent of those who experiences incivility at work reported that they lost time worrying about this (uncivil behavior) and its future consequences More than 25 percent of individuals who were targets of incivility acknowledged that they cut back their work efforts 50 percent contemplated leaving their jobs after being the target of incivility, and 12 percent did so From bullyingstatistics.org: 1/3 of folks within workplace are subject to bullying 20 percent of this bullying crosses line into harassment 60 percent of bullies identified as male Bully male and female identified persons equally Female bullies often bully other female-identified co-workers

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS

HEALTH HAZARD Physical Cardiovascular Cardiovascular Reduced immunity Reduced immunity Stress headaches and migraines Stress headaches and migraines Increased allergies, asthma Increased allergies, asthma Hair loss Hair loss Weight swings Weight swings Social Co-worker isolation Co-worker isolation Encouraged compromise with bully Encouraged compromise with bully Spouse questions your role to cause bullying Spouse questions your role to cause bullying Children and friends show strain Children and friends show strain Abandonment/ betrayal by co-workers Abandonment/ betrayal by co-workers Economic Paid time off gets constantly used Paid time off gets constantly used Personal savings tapped Personal savings tapped File for WC, potentially lose the right to sue File for WC, potentially lose the right to sue Formally terminated so that employer can deny unemployment compensation Formally terminated so that employer can deny unemployment compensation Employers order you to chose between termination and WC Employers order you to chose between termination and WC

ARE YOU BEING BULLIED? Fear of going to work Fear of going to work Family asks you to stop obsessing about work Family asks you to stop obsessing about work Too ashamed to tell friends Too ashamed to tell friends Time off is used for “mental health” Time off is used for “mental health” Exhausted, lifeless, no desire Exhausted, lifeless, no desire Favorite activities are no longer appealing Favorite activities are no longer appealing Supervisors tells you to work it out on your own Supervisors tells you to work it out on your own Feel you are provoked to cruelty Boss is never pleased Surprise meetings Others told to disassociate with you Feel agitated and anxious Never left alone to work Others yell at you, but you are judged if you fight back Supervisors agree, but won’t intervene

TOP 12 HEALTH CONSEQUENCES FOR BULLIED TARGETS (2003) 1.Severe Anxiety (94%) 2.Sleep disruption (84%) 3.Loss of concentration (82%) 4.Feeling edgy, easily startled [hyper vigilance/ PTSD] (80%) 5.Obsession over bully’s motives and tactics (76%) 6.Stress headaches (64%) 7. Avoidance of feelings, places [Avoidance/ PTSD] (49%) 8.Shame or embarrassment that changes lifestyle/ routines (49%) 9.Racing heart rate (48%) 10.Recurrent memories [Thought Intrusion] (46%) 11.Body aches (43%) 12.Diagnosed depression (41%)

VICTIM / TARGET SUPPORT

PREVENTION THE NO ASSHOLE RULE TOXIC ORGANIZATION CHANGE SYSTEM MODEL BULLY AT WORK: ASSESSMENT AND RECOMMENDATIONS

ENFORCING THE NO ASSHOLE RULE 1.Say the rule, write it down and act on it. 2.Assholes will hire other assholes 3.Get rid of assholes fast 4.Treat certified assholes as incompetent employees 5.Power breeds nastiness 6. Manage moments- not just practices, policies, and systems 6.Model and teach constructive confrontation 7.Adopt the one asshole rule 8.The bottom line: link big policies to small decencies

TOXIC ORGANIZATION CHANGE SYSTEM MODEL Dynamic model- reflects belief that any change in the system affects all other parts of the system directly or indirectly (butterfly effect) Dynamic model- reflects belief that any change in the system affects all other parts of the system directly or indirectly (butterfly effect) All parts of the system are vulnerable to toxicity, therefore all should be involved in prevention and creation of effective solutions All parts of the system are vulnerable to toxicity, therefore all should be involved in prevention and creation of effective solutions 3 Levels: 3 Levels: Organizational Strategies Organizational Strategies Individual Strategies Individual Strategies Team Strategies Team Strategies

ASSESS THE BULLIES IMPACT 1.How I relate to others 2.How other people see me 3.My performance at work 4.My ability to reason and solve problems Make 3 copies for yourself, a trusted co-worker, a family member. Make 3 copies for yourself, a trusted co-worker, a family member. Do you see similarities? What are your strengths? Do you judge yourself too harshly? Do you see similarities? What are your strengths? Do you judge yourself too harshly?

HOW BULLY PROOF ARE YOU? Graph RatersDo WellCould Do Better Myself Friend Family Do a graph for each of the 5 areas 1.Quality of Relationships with Others 2.Confidence in Personal Competence 3.Emotional Effectiveness 4.Confidence in personal competence 5.Emotional effectiveness

INTERPRET THE IMPACT TABLE Who thinks you are relatively Bully Proof? Who thinks you are relatively Bully Proof? Regarding what aspects? Regarding what aspects? In what areas are you blind and therefore vulnerable? In what areas are you blind and therefore vulnerable? Who sees the effects of the bullying experience as you do? Who sees the effects of the bullying experience as you do? Are they right or are those who disagree with you right? Are they right or are those who disagree with you right? How are they differences in observation related to the different levels of support you receive? How are they differences in observation related to the different levels of support you receive? On whom can you count for a reality check when needed? On whom can you count for a reality check when needed? Have you lost your sense of perspective? Are you the frog in boiling water? Have you lost your sense of perspective? Are you the frog in boiling water?

CHANGING YOUR PERSPECTIVE STEP 1 Compare your bully problems to a catastrophic event. STEP 2 Mentally edit the memory of your encounter with the bully as if you were editing a film STEP 3 Try to look at the experience as a positive event rather than an attack on you.

RESTORATION Establish and Protect Personal Boundaries Establish and Protect Personal Boundaries Avoid Unattainable Standards Avoid Unattainable Standards Count Your Inner Circle Count Your Inner Circle Control Destructive Mind Games Control Destructive Mind Games Escape the Trap of Self-Blame Escape the Trap of Self-Blame Satisfy Your Needs and Wants Satisfy Your Needs and Wants Anger and Shame Anger and Shame

CONFRONT Residents (Students you mentor) Empowering victims (from pro staff, potentially peers) Determine conflict style Offer mediation Encourage direct dialing Developmental conversations with bullies Remember, they are our students too Co-workers Deal with it Twist it Conversation with bully Inform supervisor Form allies IMPLIMENT THESE METHODS

QUESTIONS? REFLECTIONS? TESTIMONIES?

CASE STUDY #1 Marie and Antoinette are Hall Directors at Regal University, which is a small, public institution. The professional staff team consists of four hall directors, one assistant director and the director of residence life. Marie transitioned to her position from the corporate world without a Master’s degree, and was not completely familiar with her position. Antoinette graduated with a Master’s in student affairs from a large, public institution, and her graduate position was in residence life. During a 1:1 with you, the assistant director, Marie mentions that Antoinette pulls her aside often to explain why her supervisory style is not effective, and gives her advice that is not solicited. When Marie confronted Antoinette about her behavior, Antoinette began to cry and scream at Marie. Marie comes to you concerned because one of Antoinette’s staff members mentioned the confrontation to Marie during lunch in the dining hall and asked about why the conflict happened. Antoinette does not get along with the only other hall director in the department, and often relies on Marie for friendship and companionship. Is this an instance of a toxic work place or bullying? What would you do?

CASE STUDY #2 Pamela and John are mid-level professionals at Colonial University. Colonial is a large, private, 4 year institution located in the Midwest. While considered at the same level in the organizational chart, Pamela often sees John entering the director’s office to “chat”, spending time with leaders at the University, and receiving projects that Pamela was not aware of until John mentions them in passing. John consistently pokes fun at Pamela during meetings, and plays it off as a joke when confronted. Pamela notices that John will often have his feet up on tables during pro staff meetings, talk while the assistant director is speaking, and deliberately ignore aspects or directives of the job when he does not see them as important. Is this an instance of a toxic work place or bullying? What would you do?