BOYS AND THE MEDIA Kris Van Gieson and Thomas Weber Hyla Middle School Sponsored by the Bainbridge Island Just Know Coalition February 28, 2012

INTRODUCTIONS AND WHY WE’RE HERE Thomas Weber and Kris Van Gieson are educators at Hyla Middle School. Hyla believes that nurturing the healthy social and emotional development of middle school children must go hand in hand with their academic learning. Visit

Mapping the Territory Social Media Gaming Media Consumption Media Creation Tech Skills Facebook, Chat, Skype, etc. Wide range of games available Websites, TV, Movies, Radio, Magazines, Online Video, Music Making art, movies, music, websites, and games Media consumption has a big influence on the other spheres. Privacy and easy access to pornography are particular concerns. There is more power to create and consume independent media and more variety in media.

Mapping the Territory: the Past Social Media Gaming Media Consumption Media Creation Tech Skills Telephone, Lettters Board games, neighborhood games, TV, Movies, Radio, Magazines Very limited and expensive tools A safer and simpler landscape. Less variety and less opportunity to create and share media.

Mapping the Territory Social Media Gaming Media Consumption Media Creation Tech Skills Cultural Shifts Guiding Principles Parents’ Influence You can’t control cultural change, but you can use your values and your parenting.

Characteristics of Boys  Attracted to kinetic/physical world and associated use of strategic and tactical thinking  Communication more direct, less verbal, more physical  Emotions are sublimated  Parallel and competitive play over collaborative play Understanding general characteristics of boys helps to explain their attraction to video games

Act Like a Man Box Macho Crass Strong Physical Brave/Unemotional Problem-Solver Leader Athletic Macho Crass Strong Physical Brave/Unemotional Problem-Solver Leader Athletic Passive Cooperative Emotional Artistic Passive Cooperative Emotional Artistic Peace-loving Sensitive Follower Intellectual Peace-loving Sensitive Follower Intellectual Social pressures influence boys to conform to social stereotypes.

Fears about Boys’ Use of Media  Social Media: bullying, privacy  Gaming: exposure to violence, addictive  Pornography: distorts views of sex, gender, and relationships  Other Media Consumption: superficial, time away from more balanced lifestyle  Media Creation: time intensive, can mimic hurtful media  Tech Skills: rule-breaking, vandalism

Positive Outcomes of Boys’ Use  Be a friend  Communicate  Share unseen talents  Overcome shyness  Social Skills  Kinesthetic  Strategic/Tactical  Trial and error  Mastery  Share interests  give-and-take Social NurturingGaming

Positive Outcomes of Boys’ Use  less driven by corporate media  Enjoy great variety  Make music, movies, websites  Design games/ worlds within games  Tech skills  Write  Express yourself Media ConsumptionCreative Process

Your Guiding Principles  About healthy play?  About relationships?  About use of time?  About good parenting? Articulate these to yourself (and your spouse) before you engage in conversations with your son.

Parenting Styles Permissive/N eglectful Authoritarian /Controlling Broad range of acceptable styles Avoid the extremes or swinging from one end to the other. Know that you may need to adapt styles to different personalities and different ages Use guiding principles Guiding Authoritative

Personality Styles Extrovert/Introvert? Internally or externally motivated? Naturally cautious or risk-taking? Outside or inside? Athletic or Non-athletic? Books or Video Games? Look at yourself, your son, and others. Talking about personalities helps to understand and affect which parenting strategies will be most effective.

Solve it Together: Parent-Child Conversations Think ahead to possible scenarios. what would you do and say and how does that convey your values?  You feel your son is wasting time on trivial computer activities.  You find your son looking at pornography.  You feel your son is addicted to gaming.

Some Recommendations  Know what’s on the computer on a regular basis  Include time to investigate privacy controls  Regular conversations—limits and consequences aren’t as important as the conversations you have with them. Be wary of shutting down conversations with how you impose limits and consequences  5:1 rule: listen to 5 minutes of your kid talking for every minute you talk.  Negotiate boundaries with your principles in mind  Notice how your own behavior is a model

Resources  Teachers, Counselors, Bainbridge Youth Services, Church Youth Groups, Just Know Coalition….  More about boys: two books  Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Lives of Boys Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Lives of Boys  The Minds of Boys: Saving our Sons from Falling Behind in School and Life The Minds of Boys: Saving our Sons from Falling Behind in School and Life  More about gaming  Visit the websites for each of the games.   More about social media  Works both ways--cruelty and self-esteem abound Works both ways--cruelty and self-esteem abound  Social media: the playground/neighborhood in the best sense of the term Social media: the playground/neighborhood in the best sense of the term   A good general consumer guide for parents 